Re: Left wing diatribe, I beg to differ.

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[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ The Political Perspective ] Posted by s.wyler on September 25, 2003 at 19:51:02:

In Reply to: Left wing diatribe, I beg to differ. posted by Fat Boy on March 28, 2003 at 11:29:10:

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THE 366 GREATEST PROBLEMS IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

(LISTED FROM MOST SERIOUS TO LEAST SERIOUS)

IMPORTANT NOTE: THIS JUNE, 2003 LIST APPLIES ONLY TO DOMESTIC PROBLEMS OF THE 50 UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, NOT TO FOREIGN PROBLEMS. IT IS NOT AN ALL-INCLUSIVE ROSTER OF EVERY IMPORTANT PROBLEM ENCOUNTERED IN AMERICA, THOUGH AN EFFORT HAS BEEN MADE TO INCLUDE ALL MAJOR PROBLEMS AFFECTING OVER 20% OF THE POPULATION (VIZ., 56 MILLION PEOPLE). FLOODS, HURRICANES, FIRES, EARTHQUAKES, AND OTHER NATURAL DISASTERS (EXCEPT FOR "THE NEXT ICE AGE") ARE NOT INCLUDED HEREIN, BUT MAY BE LISTED AT A LATER DATE. PROBLEMS WHICH SEEM TRIVIAL, BUT AFFECT A GREAT NUMBER OF PEOPLE (EG, "BROOMS") ARE RANKED HIGHER THAN OTHER PROBLEMS WHICH ARE MORE SERIOUS BUT AFFECT LESS PEOPLE (EG, "ALTIMETERS" AND "SAILBOAT KEELS"). OTHER PROBLEMS--WHICH ARE EXCEPTIONALLY SERIOUS (EG, "CLONING")--ARE RATED HIGHLY EVEN THOUGH THEY PRESENTLY AFFECT VERY FEW PEOPLE. THE MOST SERIOUS PROBLEMS (EG, "THE POPULATION EXPLOSION" OR "MINERAL AND PERTROLEUM EXAUSTION") ARE THE MOST SERIOUS AND AFFECT EVERYBODY.

IN RANKING THESE PROBLEMS, I HAVE STRUGGLED TO ELIMATE SUBJECTIVITY AND PERSONAL PREJUDICE, THOUGH SOME OF MY PERSONAL VIEWS WILL NATURALLY APPEAR AND MANIFEST THEMSELVES IN ERRONEOUS RANKINGS. NOTWITHSTANDING THIS, HOWEVER, OVER 90% OF THESE RANKINGS ARE EXACTLY CORRECT, AND SHOULD BE HIGHLY RESPECTED AS SUCH.

QUITE OBVIOUSLY, PROBLEMS ARE ALWAYS CHANGING AND NEVER STATIC; THEREFORE, RANKINGS WILL NECESSARILY CHANGE OVER TIME; BUT I WILL PROBABLY MAKE NO EFFORT TO DELINEATE THESE CHANGES IN THE NEAR FUTURE. I WILL LEAVE IT UP TO THE REST OF THE POPULATION TO SPARK AND IGNITE THAT GREAT ENGINE OF CHANGE.

I WOULD LIKE TO COME BACK HERE NEXT WEEK AND BE GREETED BY A BLANK PAGE, FINDING THAT ALL OF THESE PROBLEMS HAVE BEEN SOLVED. THIS, HOWEVER, IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN: THERE ARE JUST TOO MANY GREEDY, IGNORANT CAPITALISTS WHO IGNORE THE TRUTH AND PUT THEIR OWN INTERESTS BEFORE THE INTERESTS OF SOCIETY. RICH CAPITALISTS ARE GENERALLY FATALISTS WHO THROW UP THEIR HANDS IF THEY ARE ASKED TO DONATE THEIR TIME, ENERGY, OR MONEY TO THE COMMUNITY.THESE FREELOADING FECES ARE THE ASSHOLES OF THE UNIVERSE WHO SHOULD BE DESTROYED BY THE THUNDERCLOUDS OF THE LORD. IF WE WAIT TOO LONG, HUGE HURRICANES AND TORNADOES OF HATE WILL DEVOUR EVIL REPUBLICANS WHO AIM TO DESTROY THE WORLD.

SO, IN THE LONG RUN, (WE ASK OURSELVES), ARE THESE PROBLEMS REALLY SO DIFFICULT TO SOLVE? I SAY: ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! AT THIS POINT IN TIME, MOST EVERY PROBLEM ON THIS LIST IS ACTUALLY EASY TO SOLVE: THE EARTH--AND THE EARTH'S POPULATION--ARE RELATIVELY HARMONIOUS AND HEALTHY; IF PEOPLE GET TOGETHER AND CO-OPERATE, MOST ALL OF THESE PROBLEMS CAN BE ELIMINATED IN A SHORT TIME. RIGHT NOW IS THE TIME FOR ACTION: OUR PROBLEMS ARE MUCH SMALLER THAN THEY WILL BE IF WE FAIL TO ACT. YET BECAUSE OF PRIDE, LAZINESS, IGNORANCE, AND LUST; CAPTIALISM ERECTS A SEEMINGLY INSURRMOUNABLE ROADBLOCK TO SUCCESS. NARROW-MINDED CAPTIALISM IS CONCERNED WITH MONEY, NOT WITH THE FUTURE OF THE UNIVERSE.

THUS, ALL LIBERALS MUST TAKE CHARGE AND BRUTALLY REPRESS SHITTEN CAPITALISM AND ITS MOTORS OF CORRUPTION: WE SHOULDIGNITE SOCIALISM, COMMUNISM, AND THE BROTHERHOOD OF MAN IN ORDER TO SAVE OUR WORLD BEFORE--BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE--BEFORE CAPITALISM SEEKS TO UNLEASH THE HOUNDDOGS OF INNER HELL!!!!!!

THE 366 GREATEST PROBLEMS IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

THE POPULATION EXPLOSION
MINERAL AND PETROLEUM EXHAUSTION
OVER-DEVELOPMENT
LACK OF RECYCLING
GREED
IGNORANCE
LACK OF LOVE -
DISHONESTY
LACK OF ALTERNATIVE ENERGY PRODUCTION
THE NEXT ICE AGE
BUSINESS/RESIDENTIAL WASTE
PETROLEUM DISTILLATES
TOO MANY CARS/TRUCKS
THE INTERNAL COMBUSTION ENGINE
PLASTICS
INDUSTRIAL WASTE
FOREIGN ANIMAL/PLANT INVASIONS
NEW VIRUSES
NO "HEAVY WATER" (FUSION) RESEARCH REACTORS
EXCESSIVE PACKAGING
ATOMIC WEAPONS
RARE DISEASES -
NEEDLESS WARS
INCOME DISPARITIES
LOOSE MORALS/PROMISCUITY/ABORTION
MALE/FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS
CONSERVATIVE GOVERNMENTS
CONSERVATIVE ATTITUDES
LONLINESS
THE 5-DAY WORK WEEK
THE MILITARY
INSTITIONAL CARE
CONCRETE
SOIL EXHAUSTION
HIGH RENTS
MEDIOCRE ARTISTS
DRUGS
VACANT BUILDINGS
PARKING LOTS
THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEM
PUBLIC EDUCATION
RELIGIOUS HYPOCRITES/LACK OF A "TRUE RELIGION"
FIRE-ARMS
OBESITY
WATER POLLUTION
SUPERFICIALITY
BAD LEADERSHIP/ABUSE OF PRESIDENTIAL AUTHORITY
CONGRESSIONAL COMMITTEES/CONGRESSIONAL SLOWNESS
DIVORCE
CLONING
GLASS
SOUTHERN RED SOILS
AIDS
FREE TRADE
LACK OF JOB ROTATION
LACK OF INTEREST IN OUTER SPACE
MEAN/IRRATIONAL SUPERVISORS
ENDANGERED SPECIES
TRACT HOUSING
SHOPPING MALLS
LARGE FARMS AND ESTATES
PREJUDICE
GROUNDWATER OVERUSE
RIPARIAN DESTRUCTION
REAL ESTATE SPECULATION
INFERIOR CRAFTSMANSHIP
MODERN ARCHITECTURE
HOSPITALS
BIG BUSINESS
LACK OF "HABITUAL" READERS
FOOD ADDITIVES
INADEQUATE WELFARE
INADEQUATE PUBLIC HOUSING
UNWED MOTHERS
INERT LIBERALS
CHILD ABUSE
XENOPHOBIA
WEAK MINORITY PARTIES
BLACKTOP PAVING
BAD VENTILATION
LACK OF PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION
WHOLESALE PRACTICES
DIRTY FACTORIES
CORPORATE WELFARE
RUST
RUDENESS
DAMS, LEVEES, SPILLWAYS
LIVESTOCK POLLUTION
CONSUMER CREDIT
TAX CHEATS
UNEMPLOYMENT
HOMELESSNESS
FALSE OR BANAL ADVERTIZING
AGGRESSIVE/DISHONEST SALESMEN
CORRUPTION
MEDICAL COSTS
TOO MUCH OVERTIME
PHARMACIES/PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES
SPIES
PORNOGRAPHY
WEAK LABOR UNIONS
MEDIA CENSORSHIP
UNWANTED SURVEILANCE
ATOMIC WASTE
WEALTHY, LAZY SENIORS
"FRONTING"/TOO MUCH INVENTORY/ TOO MANY CHOICES
LOW TAXES
MONOCULTURE/"STRAIGHT CROPPING"
LACK OF CLASSICAL MONUMENTS
LACK OF INTERCHANGABLE MACHINE PARTS
WOMEN’S “LIBERATION”
OUTDOOR LIGHTING
THIN WIRES
TRAFFIC SIGNALS
INSURANCE COMPANIES
CITY PARKING
POLICE ADDITUDES
“CONVENIENCE STORES”
LACK OF CIVIL LIBERTIES -
GRAVEYARDS
LOW INTEREST RATES
EMFs
LAWYERS
GOLF COURSES
CHLORINE
JUNK MAIL
STANDARD MEASURE
RANCHING
ALTERNATING CURRENT
TIRES
FENCING
PIGS
LACK OF GARDENS
ASBESTOS
CIGARETTES
LACK OF CAR-POOLING
INSECT SPRAYS
PICK-UP TRUCKS, SUVs
ROMANTIC DATING
SCHOOL GRADES
EXPENSIVE RECREATION
AGGRESSIVE CHILDREN
WOODEN SIDING
BRIDGES
NEPOTISM
TREATMENT OF FOREIGNERS
RAILROAD, HIGHWAY RIGHT-OF-WAYS
SCHOOL BUS SEATS
"DEATH ROW"
DRY CLEANING
AIR CONDITIONERS/REFRIGERATION
CERTAIN BORING TV PROGRAMS
FEW PRESIDENTIAL PRESS CONFERENCES
EXPENSIVE HOTELS/MOTELS
SECURITY SYSTEMS
PENNIES
X-RAYS
BUREAUCRACY
DISPOSABLE DIAPERS
BANKS
DE-ICING SALT
SOLDER
GANGS
THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE
GRASS LAWNS
SIDEWALKS
BAD MUSIC
MINI SWITCHES
DC BATTERIES
VEHICLE EXHAUST SYSTEMS
FEW FLEA MARKETS (SWAP MEETS)
WALL-TO-WALL CARPETING
BAD DOGS
COMMERCIAL RADIO
FEW PARTIES/CELEBRATIONS
"DOUBLE DIPPING"
EXPENSIVE RESTAURANTS
HOT WATER HEATERS
LACK OF PASSENGER BOATS
"CLEAR CUTTING"
WATER PUMPS
RAILROAD TRACKS/"SLEEPERS"
WHITE BREAD
CHAIRS
BLUE JEANS
THE STOCK MARKET
STORM SEWERS
HOUSE PAINTING
BARS, TAVERNS
WOODEN WINDOWS
TRADE APPRENTICESHIP PRACTICES
“HOMELAND SECURITY”
BIG-CITY AIRPORTS
RELIGIOUS CHARITIES
AUTO RACING
FIBERBOARD FURNITURE/CABINETS
TOY FIRE-ARMS
OVERUSE OF SURFACTANTS
BOOK (TRADE) PUBLISHERS
BROOMS
"BEAUTY SHOPS"
ZONING
IMPORT/EXPORT PRACTICES
ZOOS
"STANDARDIZED TESTS"
FLAT (CLOTHES) IRONS
EMPLOYMENT APPLICATIONS
MINI ELECTRONIC COMPONENTS
PROPANE FORK LIFTS
FRANCHISING
BAD ACCOUNTING PRACTICES
”CEOs”
AMERICAN TOYS
RADON
GLASSES
HAIR DYES
TOLL BOOTHS
TRACTOR-TRAILER TAILGATES
LEAKY BASEMENTS
CHECK CASHING STORES
MOTOR HOMES
CONTESTS/PRIZES
COLLEGE ADMISSIONS
GERRYMANDERING
SPANKING
CONSTRUCTION SCAFFOLDING
BREAKFAST CEREALS
ROOF FLASHINGS
CARBURETORS
METAL FILE CABINETS
WATER-PUMP FIRE EXTINGUISHERS
SCHOOL CHEATING
ADDRESS SIGNS
UMBRELLAS
BULLIES
TELEMARKETING
HANDICAPPED SPACES
LOITERING LAWS
DEEP FRY COOKING
FLUORESCENT LIGHTING
FALSE CHRISTMAS CHEER
EXCESSIVE CLEANLINESS
LACK OF “HIPPIE” COMMUNES
ZIPPERS
CAR WASHES
TIRE-CHANGING MACHINES
WAITRESSES
WATER TOILETS
CHEWING TOBACCO
NAIL POLISH
"CHAT ROOMS"
PULITZER “PRIZES”
LACK OF BICYCLE PATHS
AUTO JACKS
SHOPPING CARTS
VENDING MACHINES
PRODUCE DATING
HEAVY NEWSPAPERS
"MOUNTAIN DEW"
CRUISE SHIPS
STYROFOAM CUPS
ARTIFICIAL SWEETENERS
SILVER DENTAL FILINGS
AIRPORT SEATS
JOHN DEERE TRACTORS
SNOWMOBILES
ICE CREAM
MATRESSES
HACKERS
LOW INTEREST RATES
HORIZONTAL BLINDS, SHADES
GREYHOUND BUSES
FEW CORALS
SANITARY NAPKINS
ALUMINUM WINDOW SCREENS
GREETING CARDS
"DOUBLE CLUTCHING"
MOTORBOAT TRANSOMS
SKI LIFTS
KENNELS
"BASS BOATS"
BELT SANDERS
ALTIMETERS
TOP-LOADING CLOTHES WASHERS
"BEAUTY CONTESTS"
DISHWASHERS
DEODORANTS
PLUMBING SNAKES
FLASHLIGHT BULBS
"SCOTCH TAPE"
BRASSIERES/GIRDLES/CORSETS
"MARTIAL ARTS"
SYSTEMS TEACHERS/WRITERS
FOOTBALL
PACKAGED FRUIT
NO AUGUST HOLIDAY
EXOTIC DANCING CLUBS
THE FARM BUREAU
"FITNESS CENTERS"
PENCILS
COLEMAN STOVES/LANTERNS
SIGNODE BANDERS
"CALLING CARDS"
AUTOMATIC COFFEE MAKERS
CELEBRITY PROMOTIONS
USMC TRAINING
RARE EARTHS
JAMA
THE MANN ACT
SILICONE IMPLANTS
BOAT LAUNCHING-RAMPS
MEN'S TIES
CHIMNEYS
CHEWING GUM
UPRIGHT VACUUM CLEANERS
TRAVELLING CARNIVALS
"IVY LEAGUE" SCHOOLS
MEDICAL SCHOOLS
SUNTAN LOTIONS
SHOELACES
BRIEFCASES/SUITCASES
FORTUNE TELLERS
TREE "TOPPING"/TRIMMING
PANTYHOSE
BAROMETERS
"MUZAK"
LUXURY RESORTS
FLAG-WAVING HYPOCRITES
EXPENSIVE CHEESE
HIGH HEELED SHOES
MASCARA
POTTED PLANTS
VIOLINS
FRENCH HORNS
EMBASSIES
ROCK CANDY/"JUJUBEES"
PAJAMAS
HORSE SADDLES
TIPPING
UNITED PARCEL SERVICE
BABYSITTERS/NANNIES
SCUBA TANK "J-VALVES"
SHORT HAIR CUTS
"AIR FRESHENERS"
SECRETARIES
TIME ZONES
“HYDRAULICING”
PUNTS
"CHICKEN FIGHTS"
"TUSHIE BOMBS"/"SPITBALLS"
PAY TOILETS
BEECHCRAFT BONANZAS
"PROFESSIONAL" WRESTLING
PREP SCHOOLS
BELTS/SUSPENDERS
"GREEN BEER"
THE RAILROAD RETIREMENT BOARD
WOMEN’S PURSES
STAPLERS
ACTUARIES
"BARF BAGS"
HANDKERCHIEFS
KITE INSTRUCTIONS
QUANTUM MECHANICS TEACHERS
THIN TOILET PAPER
SAILBOAT KEELS

CORRECT SPELLing
Chicle gum
Beechcraft Bonanza
Rottweiler
Hagen Das
Maserati

NOTES:

THE POPULATION EXPLOSION [With more people, there are more problems. The Third World South's population explosion is worse than ours, but the US shows marked increases in populations every year. Our increase in population, of course, comes mostly from immigration which stems mainly from exploding populations in developing countries. With increasing expectations of Third-World nations, even if populations stay stable, there will be a great increase in resource exploitation. The only answer may be to require and limit the natural increase of children.]
MINERAL AND PETROLEUM EXHAUSTION [The United States has no cobalt, bauxite, manganese, and few other steel hardeners left. We must import all of our arsenic, columbium (niobium), and industrial diamonds, because all domestic supplies are gone. It will be only a few years until major supplies are exhausted in other nations. This is serious business because the very fabric of our industrial society depends upon mineral resources. The solution should be to conserve, to limit production, and to restrict sales of all valuable minerals. In the long run, however, the only answer will be to Socialize all mining-related businesses.]
OVER-DEVELOPMENT [As population increases, so does development. With limited land, there is only a limited amount of growth possible. If the world’s population is controlled; if our resources and buildings are used more efficiently; this would free-up more land for farming and recreation.]
LACK OF RECYCLING [We will run-out of aluminum, copper, cobalt, etc. without recycling. The government should pay citizens for re-cycling valuable metals such as nickel, copper, scrap platinum, and scrap gold.]
GREED
IGNORANCE
LACK OF LOVE [Americans should take a cue from fun-loving Italians and live a little and laugh a little more.] -
DISHONESTY [Dishonesty in personal and business relationships affects the very fabric of society and is slowly destroying it. Solution: better teachers, morals, religious values.]
LACK OF ALTERNATIVE ENERGY PRODUCTION [Solar energy, wind power, tidal power. In the long run, we should work to produce as much solar energy as possible, since solar energy is totally free energy which will never be exhausted. Wood power is like solar power, since trees use the sun to grow. Burning wood, however, creates pollution and carbon dioxide. Burning garbage (“bio-fuels”) in the Nevada desert would be preferable since it would eliminate landfill garbage and save fossil fuels at the same time.]
THE NEXT ICE AGE [This is a very difficult problem to rank since it will happen so far into the future. At times, I think that this is the most serious problem that the human race will face; at other times, I think that it will be relatively trivial, because the earth can be made hotter using present technology. The problem of ice ages started in the Miocene (about 25 years ago) and continues through the present day. Some time in the middle of the Miocene, the earth started to cool considerably in periodic stages called "ice ages." These "ice ages" have lasted for various periods of time, but usually last for about 90,000 years. In between the "ice ages" there are shorter "interthermals" (warm periods) which last about 20,000 years. At the present time, we are in an interthermal, but are going into an ice age which will begin in about 7,000 years. This may seem like a long time, but in geology it is very short--and it is something to think about.
If absolutely nothing is done, the entire Northern temperate zone will be completely leveled and destroyed by heavy glaciers 10,000 feet high. Milwaukee, Minneapolis, St. Louis, Chicago, Buffalo, Boston, and Detroit will be completely cleaned of all buildings, monuments, and superstructures by both vertical and horizontal pressures of the massive glaciers. People would be forced into the overcrowded tropics and have to survive with billions of others already there.
Clearly, something should be done--now or in the future. The most viable solution is to release huge amounts of CFCs into the atmosphere to destroy the ozone layer and permit more sunlight (and heat) to reach the earth.
BUSINESS/RESIDENTIAL WASTE [Re-modeling, re-stocking, and replacing old styles with new ones all create excessive waste.]
PETROLEUM DISTILLATES [Gasoline, av. gas, diesel, ether, etc. not only are limited in supply but cause excessive pollution and dangerous storage problems. Solution: electric, steam, solar power.]
TOO MANY CARS/TRUCKS [Cars should be taxed by length, weight, and price.]
THE INTERNAL COMBUSTION ENGINE [Solution: electric, hydrogen, steam.]
PLASTICS [Plastics remain in the environment almost forever. Solution: biodegradable plastics, recycling, use more cardboard.]
INDUSTRIAL WASTE
FOREIGN ANIMAL/PLANT INVASIONS [From Tennessee Kudzu to Everglades punk trees, exotics cost the US millions of dollars each year.]
NEW VIRUSES
NO "HEAVY WATER" RESEARCH REACTORS [Fusion reactors (if built) would produce virtually unlimited energy. The obvious problem is that so much heat is required to sustain a reaction that it is impossible to build this type of reactor at this time. But most skeptics give-up, viewing the towering roadblocks as insurmountable. My opinion is that--even if the money were all totally wasted and fusion reactor research would fail--hundreds of billions should still be spent on the slim chance that success might happen. Who knows? Heavy hydrogen may some day power everything on the planet!
EXCESSIVE PACKAGING [Wasteful and unnecessary packaging is costly to both seller and buyer.]
ATOMIC WEAPONS [7000 nukes are too much. No nukes is good nukes.]
RARE DISEASES - [CF, CP, MD, etc. may be caused by chemicals in the environment(?).]
NEEDLESS WARS [All American wars except the Civil War and World War II could have been avoided by diplomacy.]
INCOME DISPARITIES [Low taxes, greed, ignorance are the culprits here.]
LOOSE MORALS/PROMISCUITY/ABORTION
MALE/FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS [Inter-sexual relationships are at any all-time low. Solution: "Oprah" style community meetings to air differences and complaints between men/women.]
CONSERVATIVE GOVERNMENTS
CONSERVATIVE ATTITUDES
LONELINESS [Many Americans live in total social isolation, never speaking to their neighbors, not ever having any friends. Solution: radio dating, free government dances, "Italian" style cultural mixing.]
THE 5-DAY WORK WEEK THE 5-DAY WORK WEEK [Switching to the 4-day work week would save millions of dollars in time and fuel. The unemployed could work the one day that the employed are not working.]
THE MILITARY
INSTITIONAL CARE
CONCRETE [Concrete is virtually indestructible, yet is more dangerous than blacktop paving. Additionally, concrete will be a great hazard after the next ice age compresses and moves it many hundreds of thousands of feet.]
SOIL EXHAUSTION
HIGH RENTS [Normal people can no longer afford to live in Washington DC, San Francisco, Hawaii, etc. Rents have risen 500% since 1960, more than inflation or wages. Attractive and affordable public housing must be built.]
MEDIOCRE ARTISTS [TV shows "Frasier" and other losers; few great artists are shown. Most music has been banal since 1980.]
DRUGS
VACANT BUILDINGS [A tax should be levied on vacant, unused property so that a low-priced sale would be forced. That way, the property would go to someone who can use it.]
PARKING LOTS [Most parking lot space is not used; parking lots are rarely filled to capacity. Parking lots withdraw valuable land in cities; and create high-speed water run-off and erosion after heavy storms everywhere. The answer would be to tax parking lots; or--at least--tax the average unused portion of parking lots on a per-square-foot basis. Parking lot owners could get a tax break if they remove blacktopping and substitute more natural gravel or perforated brick which allow rainwater to recharge the groundwater aquifer.]
THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEM
PUBLIC EDUCATION
RELIGIOUS HYPOCRITES/LACK OF A "TRUE RELIGION" [In the US, greed drives many so-called "religious" people to seek a following. The problem is not too little religion, but the wrong type of religion that some people observe. What are you getting all dressed-up for on Saturday or Sunday if the rest of the week you are making huge amounts of money and stepping on those whom you should be helping? The juxtaposition of a greedy society which is (at times) obsessed with defective religious values seems very hypocritical. So-called “primitive” Muslim societies are actually more advanced in morals than America. The rate of AIDS in Muslim nations is almost zero. Muslims have few civil liberties, but at least they respect religious righteousness.]
FIRE-ARMS
OBESITY [Obesity is a serious health problem which is too often overlooked. As fat people get sick and go to the hospital, thin people pay for it. Wisconsin is a paradise for Blubbersmiths and Dairy Queens—most of whom are too lazy to walk to the mailbox. Fat people pay less per pound on airplanes and buses; this is wrong and humiliating to thin people who work hard to maintain a proper weight.]
WATER POLLUTION
SUPERFICIALITY
BAD LEADERSHIP/ABUSE OF PRESIDENTIAL AUTHORITY
CONGRESSIONAL COMMITTEES/CONGRESSIONAL SLOWNESS
DIVORCE
CLONING
GLASS [Glass remains in the environment practically forever. Glass which is smashed or crushed by glaciers still will be on the earth for billions of years.]
SOUTHERN RED SOILS [Southern poverty is because of Southern Red Soils which have too much clay and not enough organic matter. Solution: add animal manures, ashes from clean garbage burning. Western white soils can be improved in a similar way.]
AIDS
FREE TRADE [This is a difficult problem to rank because there are some beneficial effects of international trade, and also since the nature and value of trade are constantly changing. Suffice it to say, however, that multi-national corporations which leave the US for foreign countries affect the US economy in an extremely adverse way.]
LACK OF JOB ROTATION [The lack of job rotation is unfair and encourages laziness, inefficiency, and boredom. Some plant workers get paid less than secretaries, even though the plant workers do most of the hard jobs. Solution: secretaries should get into the plant and plant workers should get into the office at least once a week. This would stimulate production and improve worker attitudes.]
LACK OF INTEREST IN OUTER SPACE [Our earliest broadcasts are now deep into the inner part of our galaxy. It is possible that alien beings are now watching "The Beverly Hillbillies," "Gunsmoke," and "Jack Parr" wonder what weird type of creature these really are. Because of this fact, it is a distinct possibility that we will make contact with alien civilizations in the near future.]
MEAN/IRRATIONAL SUPERVISORS
ENDANGERED SPECIES
TRACT HOUSING
SHOPPING MALLS
LARGE FARMS AND ESTATES
PREJUDICE
GROUNDWATER OVERUSE [The Ogallala is almost exhausted, as well as ground water tables in Arizona, New Mexico, and Southern California. The solution would be to double the price of water and to strictly regulate its use.]
RIPARIAN DESTRUCTION
REAL ESTATE SPECULATION [Legal real estate speculation is the whore of capitalism. Speculation increases mortgages, rents, and decreases the desire to maintain property in good condition. The solution would be to require a minimum of four years for the ownership of property, and to heavily tax income from real estate transactions.]
INFERIOR CRAFTSMANSHIP
MODERN ARCHITECTURE [Great classical architecture should be encouraged and underwritten by government. A high tax should be imposed on cheap, modern buildings put-up just to make money.]
HOSPITALS [Hospitals are supposed to make people better, but frequently, people get worse. Sometimes the problem is as simple as loud music, a cranky nurse, or bad ventilation. Solution: more nurses, more interns, fresh outdoor air, good music, and soundproofing.]
LACK OF PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION [Cities generally have excellent bus systems, though smaller cites and towns have surprisingly inadequate public transportation. It doesn't cost much for a municipality to buy a few used buses; the results would be less congestion, less pollution, and cost savings for citizens without transportation.]
BIG BUSINESS
LACK OF "HABITUAL" READERS [Not too long ago, reading used to be a habit that was cultivated in early childhood. These days, most people are too lazy to read, even though reading takes less effort than following the characters in a soap opera or action-packed sitcom. This is really a more serious problem that most people realize because the intelligence of the entire society is affected by illiterate people. When people stop reading, they get stupider and less likely to be an asset to the civilization as a whole. Additionally, since most elementary school teachers do not read much themselves, they transfer these detrimental habits to their students. Solution: fire teachers who are not intellectuals and do not read; hire intellectuals and better teachers. Tax other forms of entertainment.]
FOOD ADDITIVES [Certain food additives can cause cancer or other serious problems. There is no reason to color food or to add artificial flavors: it is simply dishonest.]
INADEQUATE WELFARE [In the United States--the richest country in the world--food stamps would be a right, not a privilege. Already, over 5000 infants have starved to death because they have not been given food stamps; already, several social workers have been murdered because their clients have been unfairly denied food stamps. Solution: ALL of those who apply should be given food stamps; social workers who deny people food stamps should be imprisoned.]
INADEQUATE PUBLIC HOUSING
UNWED MOTHERS
INERT LIBERALS [These days, LIBERALS are the "silent majority." They rarely speak-out against Bush, Republicans, or any Conservatives. They love taking Bush's tax cuts (and their own large paychecks!]
CHILD ABUSE
XENOPHOBIA [Xenophobia a fear of foreigners--a fear which Americans express in their ideas, attitudes, and unspoken words.]
WEAK MINORIY PARTIES [This problem is similar to "Inert Liberals" in that change is always retarded when liberals are in the extreme minority (as is the case today). Little can be done in Washington because the Republicans have bought the Congress and the White House. Unfortunately, our system of government does not allow a great deal of latitude to change bad leadership; outdoor demonstrations do not help if working Liberals do not get involved; and voicing our freedom-of-speech sometimes falls on deaf ears. What are we supposed to do? Are we are supposed to all wait passively until the next election? No! As Maxine Waters says, "Speak up! Speak out!"
BLACKTOP PAVING [The oils and run-off from Blacktopping creates great harm to the environment. Loose asphalt and bitumens get on cars, bicycles, and clothing; it is nearly impossible to remove.]
BAD VENTILATION [General contractors build giant buildings where the occupants cannot even open the windows to get fresh air. Ventilation systems carry dust, disease, and asbestos. The solution is better windows and larger, better furnace filters.]
WHOLESALE PRACTICES [If you have a few extra cases of shampoo, you cannot just go to K-Mart and sell it. Strict (and inefficient) distribution practices prohibit selling wholesale merchandise directly to retailers. This stupid American custom is bad--not only for the seller--but for the buyer as well. Buyers are forced to buy wholesale products at a premium from distant suppliers when they could have good merchandise right in front of them. Wholesale practices in America make little sense, and add costs to both the retailer and the customer as well.]
DIRTY FACTORIES
CORPORATE WELFARE
RUST [Rust costs businesses and individuals millions (probably billions) of dollars each year, yet little is done to properly galvanize screws, nuts, and bolts. A few pennies of paint or nickel added to the steel could save hundreds of dollars years later.]
RUDENESS
DAMS, LEVEES, SPILLWAYS [Dams are ugly and hazardous to fish, migrating animals, and people. They slow-down water speed, creating stagnant pools of algae and scum. Dams flood beautiful valleys and valuable lowlands.]
LIVESTOCK POLLUTION
CONSUMER CREDIT
TAX CHEATS
UNEMPLOYMENT
HOMELESSNESS
FALSE OR BANAL ADVERTIZING [In the US, advertising is needlessly crass and stupid. Rarely is a product described accurately or in detailed terms; almost never are a product's defects honestly delineated. Price is frequently "low-balled" or "high-balled." ("Low balling" is quoting a price which is artificially lower than it really is--or a price minus taxes, delivery, and other fees. "High balling" is inflating a price, then taking off "huge discounts" to lure in the customer). Solution: governmental regulation which demands a full product description and a real, accurate price. (Freedom-of-speech, however, should not be violated).
Advertizing banality is actually more common than falseness. Ads which are not specifically dishonest are usually plain and inartistic. It almost seems as if someone is forcing the ad agency to write the ad. Radio and newspapers have the most banal ads, followed closely by TV. Occasionally, however, on TV there are some well-done ads. Whirlpool, ADM, and Mountain Dew have created beautiful spots.]
AGGRESSIVE/DISHONEST SALESMEN
CORRUPTION
MEDICAL COSTS [We can try to fix the system by little patches and band-aids, but really, Socialized Medicine is the only answer. ALL hospitals, ALL clinics, ALL nurses, and ALL doctors should be Socialized. Costs must be controlled through the Federal Government.]
TOO MUCH OVERTIME [Companies force doctors, pilots, and others to work 60 hours a week--with a very thin margin of safety. In other jobs, usually, the people who get the most overtime are those who need the money the least. Solution: ban overtime in factories if the unemployed can do the same job for less.]
PHARMACIES/PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES [Called “druggists” or “chemists” in England, these fakirs average $70,000 in yearly income. Much of their time is devoted to giving drugs to people who do not need them. Many who take prescription drugs get worse from taking the drugs—or have allergic reactions that give them nausea or high fever. Solution: government control of both drug companies and swinish pharmacists.]
SPIES
PORNOGRAPHY
WEAK LABOR UNIONS
MEDIA CENSORSHIP [Large Media giants do not run certain stories for fear of alarming the public, even though the public has a right to know the truth. These words are being censored as you read this.]
UNWANTED SURVEILANCE
ATOMIC WASTE
WEALTHY, LAZY SENIORS [The US Government spends c340 billion dollars on seniors, most of which goes to people who already have mints of money. Solution: cut SS benefits to those rich people who don’t need it, and re-direct it to the food stamp and Section 8 housing programs.]
”FRONTING”/TOO MUCH INVENTORY/TOO MANY CHOICES [Grocery stores “front” merchandise (i.e., move merchandise up to the front edge of the shelf) in order to made the shelves appear full. In back of the few boxes that are on the shelf, there is a huge air pocket—empty space that sits there useless, gathering dust. While this practice seems innocent enough, it inspires the notion that shelves are jam-packed with goodies waiting to be sold, therefore subconsciously pushing the consumer to buy more. Much more serious, however, is retail over-ordering: stores order huge wholesale amounts in the hopes (of course) that such products can be moved quickly at a low price. When product sits on the shelf for months or years gathering dirt and dust, who is to blame? Solution: a tax on inventory; more judicious wholesale buying practices. In a large supermarket, most people waste time looking for what they want. More often than not, the clerks don’t know all the inventory, and misdirect the customer. Solution: small mini-component databases chained to the grocery carts; simply enter-in an item, and the component database will tell you where it is.]
LOW TAXES
MONOCULTURE/"STRAIGHT CROPPING" [Monoculture is the planting of a single crop (usually in a field of 40 acres or larger). "Straight cropping" is the planting of (usually) grain in arrow-straight rows across the contours. Both practices result in soil erosion and exhaustion (qv). Solution: crop rotation, fallowing, planting a variety of crops (including beans--which adds nitrogen to the soil).]
LACK OF CLASSICAL MONUMENTS [In Europe, the past is everywhere--greatness is all around you. But in America, partly because of its newness, few great artistic monuments abound. This problem is related to "Modern Architecture" mentioned above, but it takes a lot less money, time, and effort to put-up a beautiful statue than to erect a giant skyscraper. On the whole, I think that our dearth of stupendous monuments is more a cultural problem than a financial one. First, people have to understand the value of pride, outdoor art, and American history before they can build a giant trophy to our civilization.]
LACK OF INTERCHANGABLE MACHINE PARTS [If you buy a Toyota or a Ford, you cannot get a Chrysler part to fit it. Most people accept this fact, but I do not. There is no reason why companies and engineers cannot get together to build new products that share (at least) some important components.]
WOMEN’S “LIBERATION” [Because of the Women's Movement, women are sometimes in a rush to get out of the house and get to work. Capitalists love the Women’s Movement because women generally work for lower wages. Women rarely complain or join unions, so they have become favorites of Republican managers. Solution: raise wages, better working conditions world-wide.]
OUTDOOR LIGHTING [Sodium arc lighting and ballasted fluorescent lighting is ugly, costly, and is rumored to create serious health problems.]
THIN WIRES [Wires in electronic components are thin because they carry little amperage, yet they often break or become dislodged from their circuits.]
TRAFFIC SIGNALS [The innocent little yellow box that you notice near an intersection is the traffic control box; this humble little rectangle must work constantly--in cold, hot, rainy, and snowy weather--to operate the traffic signal in the middle of the intersection. The problem is not that the traffic control box breaks (it rarely does), but that it operates (usually) without discriminating between high demand and low demand situations. Solution: metal pressure plates, electronic beams, or other sensors to activate the signal at low use times. Such devices are now being used, but their use is not widespread--they aren't being used enough.]
INSURANCE COMPANIES
CITY PARKING [Contractors remodel or build giant apartments, but are not responsible for building parking for their residents. Consequently, parking problems get worse, not better. The solution would be to build massive (though costly) underground garages.]
POLICE ADDITUDES [There are thousands of Rodney Kings who are insulted or beaten every day. NBC reported that 174,000 cases of police brutality are filed each year.]
“CONVENIENCE STORES” [“Convenience stores” specialize in trivial high-priced junk food. They sell low-priced gasoline in the hopes that you will buy some other profitable items. I worked the night shift in a “convenience store” which grossed over $700. I was the only employee there; yet I got only $5 an hour. Solution: unionize “convenience store” workers, lower prices, improve merchandise; make in-store surveillance illegal.]
LACK OF CIVIL LIBERTIES [It is ironic that Bush said the 9/11 attack was an “attack on our freedom”, yet the Bush Republicans try to take away our Constitutional freedoms every day. Spies and Bush Pigs are all around trying to root-out potential terrorists, while the police are allowed to search anyone without a warrant. In Mexico, you can sleep anywhere—in public parks, on the beach, or on the side of the road where few will bother you. In the US, if you are homeless (or you look like you are homeless), you will get questioned and interrogated for no reason. When will it end? When the people get fed-up with Conservative hypocrites and vote them out of office!!!]
GRAVEYARDS [Graveyards could be pleasant places instead of the ghost towns that they are. They should be used as parks, playgrounds, and recreation centers for inner city residents.]
LOW INTEREST RATES [Low interest rates discourage savings and promote reckless spending. Only those with “approved credit” can take advantage of low interest rates. Additionally, prices go up after interest rates go down, canceling-out the beneficial effect of low interest rates.]
EMFs [Electro-magnetic fields from high-voltage towers have been suspected to have caused cancer and other serious diseases.]
LAWYERS
GOLF COURSES [Golf courses cut and spray grass, creating havoc in delicate woodland environments. The solution would be to ban golf, or to tax it so high that nobody plays it.]
CHLORINE [Chlorine is used to treat drinking water, yet it may have a link to cancer.]
JUNK MAIL
STANDARD MEASURE [The US is the only major country that still uses antiquated standard measurements. Not using the Metric System costs US businesses millions of dollars each year.]
RANCHING [Ranching (especially sheep ranching) produces little of value and is extremely harmful to the environment. Ranchers should not be permitted to use public lands. Public lands should be for low-income, middle-income people and back-packers.]
ALTERNATING CURRENT [Edison called AC the "killer current" because of its horrible power. Today, AC is completely unnecessary for most home appliances. A dual system of AC/DC should be used so that appliances like clocks and radios can run on DC. The effect would be to reduce AC draw, lowering line voltage, lowering EMFs, and saving millions (perhaps billions) of dollars each year.]
TIRES [Pneumatic tires are heavy, cumbersome, costly, ugly, dangerous, difficult to change, and hazardous to the environment. There is no present solution to this problem.]
FENCING
SWINE [Swine are called “hogs”, “pigs,” “sows,” (if female) or “boars” (if male). This topic is covered in other categories, but I think that it deserves special mention. According to animal behavior experts, pigs are among the most intelligent of all animals—almost as smart as a dog or cat. Pigs (if given clean surroundings) are exceptionally clean animals who will wash in water to clean their sweaty bodies; yet people insist on letting them wallow in mud puddles to re-enforced misguided anti-pig attitudes. Pigs are rewarded for their intelligence and cleanliness by being slaughtered by Iowa meat-packers. Pork is among the most fattening and least nutritious of the meats; it has less protein per pound than chicken or even peanuts. When pork is prepared, sodium nitrate (a possible carcinogen) is added to the pork as a preservative and flavor enhancer. Jews and Muslims alike forbid the eating of pork—probably for a good reason!]
LACK OF GARDENS [People should have gardens instead of lawns. It would lower produce prices, and create better food for millions of people. But rural and suburban areas are not the only parts that could be farmed. Cities, too, have untapped garden areas which are waiting to be used. In the middle of our cities, there are hundreds of square miles sitting unused which could be farmed. These are areas with plenty of sunlight, plenty of water, no weeds, and no insect problems. These areas could produce all of a city’s vegetable needs for many years to come. “Where,” you ask, “could these prime, productive pastures be?” On top of the roofs, of course! A simple rooftop garden of 250X150 feet (3750 square feet) could grow enough produce for an entire 30-unit apartment building. On higher buildings—which are not shaded by trees; not affected by tree roots; and cannot be reached by insects, birds, or weed seeds—gardens would produce twice as much produce per square foot as ground-level gardens. Air-conditioning units could provide all the watering needs of the rooftop gardens with pure distilled water. In fact, if rooftop soil were sterilized, the garden would have absolutely no insects, weeds, or funguses to get rid of. And—most importantly—the gardener wouldn’t have to leave his or her apartment building to get farm-fresh produce!!!!]
ASBESTOS [Asbestos is almost impossible to remove. Canada is still producing a great amount of asbestos each year. The US also produces a very small amount. There is no present solution to this problem because withdrawing the asbestos would allow some of it to be released into the atmosphere.]
CIGARETTES
LACK OF CAR-POOLING [This category is covered elsewhere, but I think that it deserves special mention here. It takes so little time and money to get an office friend to ride to work with. It saves time, gas, money, and space to car-pool—yet few will do it. Why? Because of Capitalist pride and Capitalist egos—that’s why. In Communist countries, car-pooling is mandatory, and enforced. And the environment is better because of it.]
INSECT SPRAYS
PICK-UP TRUCKS, SUVs [Few people use the full capacity of the "bed" of the pick-up truck, therefore wasting a tremendous amount of valuable cargo space. For this reason, "pick-ups" are dangerous because their rear wheels are not pressed-down to the road surface; their high center-of-gravity creates serious imbalances and can flip them easily.]
ROMANTIC DATING [People who seek girlfriends or boyfriends usually wind-up with someone they don't want. The solution would be to put all such people on an enormous list so that they can find the right person for them.]
SCHOOL GRADES
EXPENSIVE RECREATION ["Disneyland", "Disney World", and other "theme parks" should be owned by the government so that low-income people could afford them. All recreation should be cheap and "user-friendly".]
AGGRESSIVE CHILDREN [American children have always been very aggressive since the Colonial days. Today, mass-market entertainment encourages reckless and violent behavior. The solution is (in part) to foster intellectual attitudes among children in schools or at home; then to go back to the old ways and a more formal, urbane civilization.]
WOODEN SIDING [Sides of houses should be aluminum because wood rots, accumulates debris, termites, insects, fungus, and generally falls apart before
aluminum does.]
BRIDGES [Obsolete bridges are falling-apart due to stress of full semi trucks and constant pounding of lesser weights. The Golden Gate is a suspension bridge designed to sway back-and-forth in an earthquake so that the towers and main cable will not be structurally affected, even though the bridge floor may collapse. The main cables and suspenders allow the bridge to absorb a great deal of stress-and-strain that would break trusswork or spans on other bridges. Suspension bridges are thought of as long glamour bridges; but in reality, any engineer can design a suspension bridge of any length. The advantage of the suspension bridge is that it can handle stresses imposed by overloaded semis, as well as moving earth, earthquakes, landslides, horizontal creep, and mass wasting. Additionally, a suspension bridge doesn’t need floor supports, since all the weight of the floor is borne by the suspenders. Boat traffic, fish, and aquatic animals would definitely prefer the suspension bridge.]
NEPOTISM [Nepotism is giving jobs or money based on family ties or relations. In my sense of the word, however, I have included it to refer to those who give employment by favoritism or influence. Even after blacks, women, and other minorities have won relative equality, nepotism still exists as an ugly cancer which diseases healthy businesses and makes it very difficult for the scrupulously honest person to get ahead.]
TREATMENT OF FOREIGNERS [It is an outrage and an humiliation the way that foreigners are treated in this country. Any time that I have been in Mexico (or any other country), I have been treated with the respect and gratitude of a Prophet. Without regard to any amount of money that I may have had, all foreign citizens have been fantastic to me; all have been true friends
and really helpful in any way that I wanted. Unfortunately, the reverse is not true: foreign tourists in the United States are usually treated like garbage, as fly-by-night vermin who will be here today and gone the next day. Even rich foreign tourist here are rarely respected or helped in any way. Solution: a world-wide boycott of American goods and services. That is the only way this deplorable situation will end.]
RAILROAD, HIGHWAY RIGHT-OF-WAYS [About 100 feet on either side of a railroad or highway is its "right-of-way", land which can be used in the event that expansion is needed. Unfortunately, this marginal land (even though it is never used) is leveled, sprayed, and mowed so that no animals and no plants (except grass) can survive there. There is absolutely no reason for this, since natural wilderness on the side of transportation thoroughfares is no hazard to anybody or anything; yet still, the right-of-way land is tortured for no reason. Solution: let nature grow right up to the shoulder of the highway or the train tracks; the government would conserve a great deal of money in the process. If the grass gets too high, trains would "mow" it as they would pass; the pavement would stop most growth at the shoulder of the highway. Only if tree roots uprooted a train track or highway should that tree be cut-down.]
SCHOOL BUS SEATS [School buses are manufactured by Bluebird of Iowa. No buses have seat belts, assuming that they are not necessary; perhaps Bluebird thinks that a school bus can push anything out of the way. If seat belts are not used, however, all seats should be cushioned front-and-back in the event that a child smacks into the seat in front. Sides of the bus below the windows should also be padded. Windows should be made so that they can be kicked-out by light pressure in case of a roll-over accident.]
"DEATH ROW" [There should be the option for medical experimentation instead of the present methods. Risky operations could be attempted, and rare diseases could be cured with human experimentation.]
DRY CLEANING ["Dry cleaning" is the cleaning of clothes using a strong solvent instead of water. Dry cleaning seems to work best for wool, silk, and those items which shrink, emerge wrinkled, or are sometimes torn in regular clothes washers. The problem is that the fumes from the solvent (which some think to be dangerous) accumulate inside the work area, polluting the air and walls with chemicals. Solution (no pun intended): better ventilation.]
AIR CONDITIONERS/REFRIGERATION [Carrier invented refrigeration over 100 years ago, and it hasn't changed in principal since it was invented. Residential air-conditioners use too much current and respond inefficiently to high cooling demands. New systems should be invented.]
CERTAIN BORING TV PROGRAMS [Most people have the option of cable or satellite TV, many do not. Those who are forced to watch network TV often find that there is little of interest on. This situation is because certain actors, producers, directors, etc. have strong contracts which bind them to the network for many years. They keep on producing junk; no one seems to care because people can just flip the dial. Solution: if no good scripts, actors, or directors are found, use good archives from the 50s and the 60s. End current contracts as soon as possible.]
FEW PRESIDENTIAL PRESS CONFERENCES [George Bush makes an effort to be the least controversial President in existence. Along with censorship, the White House is hidden under an opaque curtain of secrecy which none are allowed to penetrate. I know less about the Bush Presidency than about the vast volcanoes of Mars (and that is no exaggeration!). Solution: more aggressive press criticism; impeachment of George Bush and removal from office.]
EXPENSIVE HOTELS/MOTELS [Hotels and motels cost double what they should. In Mexico, motels average $8 per night; in the United States, the cost is about $45. Hotel costs follow land prices, but hotel prices have risen much faster than inflation. Solution: smaller, simpler rooms with no room service and no TV.]
SECURITY SYSTEMS [Security systems are unconstitutional invasions of privacy of invitees and business customers. Since the Supreme Court is Conservative Republican, they are unlikely to rule in favor of people who demand not to be spied on. Civil liberties are going down the drain with the Bush Administration. Solution: Liberal action, impeachment of shitten members of the Supreme Court, impeachment of Bush, censure of Conservatives in Congress; if that doesn't work, sabotage will.]
PENNIES [The copper in pennies will soon be worth more than the value of the penny. Because of inflation, the penny is nearly worthless. Mexico has solved its peso problem by eliminating the peso coin and reducing the size of its other coins. Solution: eliminate the penny and nickel by rounding-off all change to the nearest ten cents.]
X-RAYS [X-Rays are radioactive gamma rays knocked loose from the nucleus. We really don't know all of the effect that they have on the population since they are invisible and their power is subtle and unknown. We can assume, however, that it is better to stay away from them and to use barium shields whenever possible.]
BUREAUCRACY [Bureaucracy is less serious in the US than in most countries, but it still is a bad problem. Inefficiency and waste are not the only results of bureaucracy; frequently, individuals suffer worse than society does. The only solution seems to be to fire people who cause others to become mired in the labyrinth of bureaucracy. Another possible solution is to give rewards for those who accurately report incidents of mismanagement and needlessly complex bureaucratic entanglements.]
DISPOSABLE DIAPERS
BANKS [Because of low-interest rates, banks are making no money; it serves them right for years of taking advantage of the poor man. Banker attitudes are sick, capitalist, and WRONG.]
DE-ICING SALT [Salt is harmful to clothing, leather, lawns, gardens, iron, steel, and even aluminum. Salt creates havoc in the environment--and stays in the environment forever. The simple solution is to use sand--it is just as cheap, and can be beneficial in some ways.]
SOLDER [Lead/tin solder is sometimes weak, and always an obnoxious nuisance in the environment. The solution is to use more expensive silver soldering or to use clips, screws, bolts, or other fasteners.]
GANGS
THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE [Al Gore won (or lost) because of the Electoral College. Al Gore got 230,000 more votes than Bush, but because of the Electoral College, became involved in a contested election. The solution is to abolish the Electoral College.]
GRASS LAWNS [The US is the only country with such a large area devoted to grass lawns. It is better to plant vegetable or flower gardens, rock gardens, or Japanese water gardens than to waste valuable space in your front yard with useless grass.]
SIDEWALKS [Sidewalks are wasteful (because they do not allow rainwater to percolate down to the water table); and, generally speaking, sidewalks are unnecessary. Few people use sidewalks because they are too busy, too lazy, or too fearful of their neighbors. The solution would be to use gravel or perforated brick--or just not to have sidewalks at all.]
BAD MUSIC [Since 1980, music has been mostly punk and artificial. Most all good music should have both an active melody, a strong harmony, and heavy bass line. Good rock-and-roll has two beats (or four beats) to every measure where the quarter-note gets one beat. Count one-AND-two-AND-three-AND-four-AND, etc. If you hear a drum or a bass beat on the "AND", then you are listening to rock-and-roll. If you can't figure-out the rhythm, then you are probably listening to bad music. The solution is for studios to promote great artists and unique talents like Elvis, the Stones, Led Zeppelin, and the Platters. Classical Music should not be ignored. In Europe, Classical Music is popular music, and is played in the streets. Beethoven, Tchaikovsky, Rachmaninoff, and Strauss should be heard more often in America.]
MINI SWITCHES [Small plastic switches frequently break or become un-attached from the electrodes. The solution is common-sense: use bigger switches made of stainless steel or other tough metals.]
DC BATTERIES [Large DC storage batteries (in cars and elsewhere) are weak, heavy, cumbersome, expensive, dangerous, and hazardous to the environment. Cadmium DC batteries are smaller, stronger, and lighter; but like lead/acid DC batteries, they are dangerous to the environment. There is presently no solution to this problem; however, the government could award a prize for the first manufacturer to invent a strong, safe, small, and reliable DC storage battery which puts-out high amperage at a sustained load.]
VEHICLE EXHAUST SYSTEMS [Exhaust systems are heavy; awkward to handle; prone to rusting or denting; and reducers of gas mileage. Each car has its own exhaust individual system, so it is impossible to interchange an exhaust system with another car. Aluminum cannot be used because its would dent easier than steel and warp near the exhaust manifold. Solution: "header" chrome-plated exhaust or titanium--very expensive, but maybe the best choice. Otherwise, exhaust system steel should be treated to resist rust.]
FEW FLEA MARKETS (SWAP MEETS) [Many communities do not permit open-air markets. The solution would be to require all communities to have an open-air swap meet. The government should give tax incentives to property owners and others who set-up flea markets.]
WALL-TO-WALL CARPETING [Carpeting is heavy, expensive, and difficult to install and clean; carpeting can also carry mildew and other fungus diseases. The common-sense solution is to use ceramic tile, stone, slate, cement, or wood.]
BAD DOGS [Rotweillers, Pit Bull Terriers, Dobermans, and German Shepherds cause untold bites and other serious problems each year. The solution is to tax these breeds so that nobody wants to own them, and to require that each dog of these large breeds be neutered or spayed.]
COMMERCIAL RADIO [Radio was immensely popular back in the 1930s and 1940s when it was really artistic and provided the public with fast-paced and creative entertainment which put the listener first. Unfortunately, radio’s entertainment value has decreased since TV has taken-over its formerly prestigious position. Today, hardly anybody listens to radio; most listen to it which driving to-and-from their jobs, but very, very few listen to it for longer than 40 minutes each day; people very rarely listen to radio at home (like in the olden days). A powerful big city radio station can command a listenership of 50,000; but most radio stations are located in small towns which have fewer than 15,000 listeners—a far cry from the 5 million viewers of the average TV show!!! The reason why most people don’t listen to radio is that they don’t play good music (most is banal, tasteless 90s tunes) or that they don’t provide good talk. Howard Stern and others have improved the quality of radio entertainment, but their style can get old quickly. Talk shows are most oriented toward Fascist Right-wing leaders of the Capitalist Media; talk show hosts go over-and-over their false dogmas which are rarely challenged by intelligent Liberals. The result is a show which the buying public seldom listens to.
Radio time is divided in quarter-hour segments which are sold to advertisers. Each quarter-hour, there is supposed to be news, weather, sports, and an advertising segment to support the rest of the show. The problem comes when advertising begins to dominate the show, intruding on the major portions of the program with banal and useless products.
Solution: public radio; play radio archives from the 50s and 60s, more international news/weather; subsidize more radio with government funds; subside “cultural” advertising; encourage great unemployed public speakers who speak for hours and hours--not just “talk shows” which limit conversations to only five minutes.]
FEW PARTIES/CELEBRATIONS [Even though there is little money there, Latin American is filled with celebrations and alive with joyous parties. In almost any season, you can find a loud, happy street party waiting for the resident or tourist. Even though America is awash in dollars, there are few parties or celebrations here (besides Christmas and the Forth of July. A change in public attitudes about public demonstrations of glee would be better for everyone.]
DOUBLE DIPPING [Public servants should not be allowed to collect income from sources other than the government.]
EXPENSIVE RESTAURANTS [Restaurants aren't required to tell you what they put in their food. In addition, you are paying many times what you should be in expensive restaurants.]
HOT WATER HEATERS [Hot water heaters are wasteful because they heat water in large amounts and have to push that water to the faucet many feet away. "Point-of-use" heaters heat water only near the faucet, hence conserving energy and money. Shower heaters (which heat water at the shower head) are illegal to sell in the US because they are considered dangerous.]
LACK OF PASSENGER BOATS [There are currently no passenger ocean liners. (Cruise ships, of course, are too expensive for tourist travel.) Something needs to be done because airlines are too expensive and do not serve their customers well. Low-cost trans-oceanic passenger service is greatly needed.]
"CLEAR CUTTING" [Trees are cut in large sections, causing great damage to the ecosystem. Since trees re-grow, however, this isn't such a serious problem if only a small area is clear-cut. Unless clear-cutting is done in a mountainous area (where erosion is a danger), it could actually be beneficial to control forest fires. Solution: clear-cut only in long strips; these "hallways" would serve as fire-breaks and pathways to monitor the growing forest.]
WATER PUMPS [Engine water pumps (especially those on outboard motors) frequently break-down because their seals leak or their impellers fail to function. Solution: make water pumps out of stainless steel, use larger, better made water pumps, and electric models.]
RAILROAD TRACKS/"SLEEPERS" [Hard-working "sleepers" are the most brutally abused workers in the United States, getting little thanks or gratitude from anyone. "Sleepers" are the wooden ties under the railroad tracks--wooden beams which are exposed to all sorts of extremes in weather and weight from 20 million pounds of railroad train--that are expected to perform flawlessly year-after-year. Sometimes, however, the hard-working sleepers become rotten and cracked, finally giving-way, allowing the track to slide and cause a derailment. Solution: replace sleepers (when the track becomes too loose) with larger beams covered with strong low-carbon steel plates. The steel plates would distribute the weight of the train and protect the sleepers from some extreme weather. The tracks should be inspected frequently, and their degree of looseness should be observed.]
WHITE BREAD [White bread creates problems in the colon and intestines. If you squeeze white bread, you realize how little volume is actually being sold. With white bread, you are paying mostly for air. Read the label; get only whole wheat bread which is natural or organically-grown.]
CHAIRS [Chairs create back and spinal problems for many secretaries and waste space. Arab-style carpets are better and cheaper in the long-run.]
BLUE JEANS [Blue Jeans are ugly, heavy, bulky, expensive, and difficult to clean. They also shrink, fade, and tear easier than polyester pants. Additionally, Blue Jeans get extremely heavy when they are wet; they should never be worn by boaters or bathers. Believe it or not, Blue Jeans cost their wearers millions of dollars each year because their added weight forces people to work harder and to exert more effort as they walk. The solution is to tax Blue Jeans at a high rate so nobody wears them.]
THE STOCK MARKET [The Stock Market is an anus dinosaur waiting for extinction. Today, the Stock Market is used for ugly speculation and making money--exactly what it was NOT designed to do. The Stock Market was created to help businesses build, research, and develop new products and innovations--not to simply add more crap to the already over-bloated industrial sector. The Stock Market was intended to help science and technology, not to help narrow-minded and greedy paper punks.]
STORM SEWERS [Storm sewers should carry nothing but pure rainwater and natural debris. They should not be vehicles for oil, grease, and human excrement. The solution is to treat all storm sewer water at the same treatment plant where sanitary sewers go. The fish and wildlife would be very grateful.]
HOUSE PAINTING [House paints which contain lead are still on houses and the paint is chipping and falling-off. Solution: demand use of titanium dioxide, test for lead in soils.]
BARS, TAVERNS [In Germany, men go to bars mainly for social conversation. Beer is cheap and the mood is upbeat and friendly. In the US, men go to bars to pick-up women or stare at the wall. Few good women go to bars. Solution: better games, live dance music, "ladies nights", non-alcoholic bars, women's bars.]
WOODEN WINDOWS [Wooden window frames crack; they also expand and contract greatly with fluctuations in temperature. Mold and mildew can hibernate inside wooden windows. Wooden windows must be painted, and are difficult to wash when the paint cracks and comes off. In addition, older wooden windows are usually painted-shut and are nearly impossible to open. Replacement with aluminum frames is the best idea.]
TRADE APPRENTICESHIP PRACTICES [Norwegian, Swedish, and German masters or journeymen make entry into construction trades very difficult for those without "connections" into the trade world. In most States, you cannot simply pass a test to be a journeyman plumber, electrician, or mason--you must go through a 3-4 year apprenticeship as well. And where do you get such an apprenticeship? Through the Germans, the Swedes, and the Norwegians, of course! Those who have set-up (and defend) their turf against many who are trying to get into their trade. Blacks, minorities, women, and those without large funds are frequently unable to get journeyman certificates. Solution: let students take a practical test (as well as the written test), give them their journeyman's certificate, and be done with it.]
“HOMELAND SECURITY”
BIG-CITY AIRPORTS
RELIGIOUS CHARITIES ["Goodwill Industries" is an example of a fraudulent charity which ostensibly helps handicapped people, but really is just a front organization designed to help Capitalists get rich quick. Those who work in the back rooms of such so-called "charities" are usually unpaid slaves who cannot possible understand the meaning of the situation that they were put in. They work hemming dressing, sweeping floors, and repairing items which are then sold to the public at premium prices. Additionally, those who "donate" to such "charities" are usually wealthy citizens who are merely looking for a tax write-off. They "donate" items, frequently claiming an unreasonably high amount on their income tax form for "donated" items such as dirty underwear, useless clothing, and damaged toys. Most of the time, such items are discarded fraudulently by Goodwill into the dumpster. Solution: government regulation of illegal charities.]
AUTO RACING [Auto Racing is sometimes unsafe to drivers and fans. Solution: speed limits for circle tracks; encourage drag-racing, straight-track racing, antique car racing, and limits on engine size.]
FIBERBOARD FURNITURE/CABINETS [Cabinets and furniture made in the United States is almost universally made from cheap fiberboard (re-processed wood chips and sawdust) which is laminated (covered) by a paper-thin layer of real-looking wood. Sometimes, if the fiberboard is kept dry and maintained properly, it can last for years; but usually, however, the edges get nicked or damaged, water enters the seam, and the furniture falls-apart. Solution: require manufacturers to state what wood the furniture or cabinet is made of; require manufacturers to state the actual cost of the materials used.]
TOY FIRE-ARMS
OVERUSE OF SURFACTANTS [Surfactants (soaps) are generally not too damaging to the environment--except in large amounts. Usually, however, people use more soap then they have to to loosen dirty particles clinging to the surface. Solution (no pun intended): educate the public to use less soap, manufacture bio-degradable and low-phosphate detergents.]
BOOK (TRADE) PUBLISHERS [Authors are drawn mostly from the wealthy, well-connected gentry from New York and the larger cities. Authors are paid—not only for their manuscripts—but for their Capitalist views as well. No great Communists have made it into the corrupt offices of Random House and RR Donnelly. The Capitalist Media supports their own people; Communists would “rock the boat” and cause great alarm in society, so there are never allowed to voice their opinions. Generally, authors are well-paid Capitalist liars who refuse to write the truth about world conditions.
BROOMS [Brooms frequently make things more dirty than they were before. Brooms clean by pushing dirt, but much of the dirt is left behind the broom. Also, some sweepings fly into the atmosphere, landing on walls and ceilings. Additionally, bristles from old-fashioned brooms fall-off or become lodged in the floor material. Solution: use soft polyester brooms, newer brooms, wet-mops, or vacuum cleaners.]
"BEAUTY SHOPS" [Women go to beauty shops to become beautiful, but usually they look the same when they come out. Beauty treatments are usually over-priced and ineffective. People can be exposed to toxic fumes from hair dyes, sodium hypochlorite, and ammonia from surfactants. Solution: posted prices, no tipping, better fans and ventilation.]
ZONING
IMPORT/EXPORT PRACTICES [Some years ago, I was interested in importing mangoes from Mexico. I wrote to the USDA, asking for regulations on the subject. They replied, stating that all mangoes would have to be sprayed upon entry; and that the price would be the "same for one box as for a thousand." Needless to say, I didn't continue my importing enterprise, realizing that the cost of fumigation would just not be worth it. Yes, folks, my mangoes are still in Mexico, awaiting shipment. Solution: the government should hand-inspect smaller shipments and not require spraying except if real contamination is discovered. The government should pay for all spraying on all small shipments.]
ZOOS [Zoos are prison camps for innocent animals. To be fair, however, zoos are making an honest effort to give animals more space and comfort. Yet still, spaces are much to small for elephants, rhinoceri, hippos, and the larger cats. Solution: Busch Gardens and the San Diego Wild Animal Park have the right idea by putting people in cages and letting the animals go free. It takes more space, but the results are more humane.]
"STANDARDIZED TESTS" [The ACT and the SAT are inconclusive tests which carry more weight than they should. If a student is tired, culturally different, or unable to analyze the test-maker's process, he (or she) will probably do less well than other students who have artificially prepared for the test using prompts and study guides. Many crafty students know how to "read" the correct answer even though they have little real knowledge about the subject. Thus, the student who knows "how to take tests" may perform better than the student who merely knows his specific subject areas. Solution: shorter tests, more objective questions, more "real knowledge" questions, more frequent tests (so that the best score--for example of three tests--can be recorded]
FLAT (CLOTHES) IRONS [Clothes irons are heavy, awkward, slow to heat, difficult to use, and dangerous. They should never be used on an elevated ironing-board, and never used around small children. Heavy irons should be banned by Federal Law. Only smaller "travelling irons" should be permitted. Solution: lighter irons, aluminum irons, re-designed irons, lower ironing-boards.]
EMPLOYMENT APPLICATIONS [Employment Applications are needlessly long and should be limited to one page only; employers should be required to pay prospective employees for their time in filling-out applications.]
MINI ELECTRONIC COMPONENTS [Great companies spend millions developing ideas, then let them fail from a two-cent dummy switch. The obvious solution is to use large, durable stainless steel switches; strong stainless fasteners; and copper, silver, or gold electrodes.]
PROPANE FORK LIFTS [Excessive gassing from Propane Fork Lifts is a serious hazard in closed warehouses and factories. Battery-operated lifts are quieter, safer, cheaper, and more reliable.]
FRANCHISING [I have rated this problem less serious than some because there is really no fraud (just bad judgment) involved. A franchise, of course, is a business which uses the name (and products) of a parent company while being owned and operated by independent people. In other words, if you want to own a "Kentucky Fried Chicken," you have to pay money to KFC so that you can use their name, boxes, and food. KFC will pay for all advertising, distribution, and special promotions. The problem comes when the buyer of the franchise pays a lot of money (in some cases, millions of dollars) to the parent company and receives nothing in return. For example, with KFC, the franchise fee is almost a million dollars. You pay your million dollars; KFC sends you a few boxes, bags, and promotional items. But YOU have to sell the chicken!!!!! And you're going to have to sell a lot of chicken wings to make that million-dollar nut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Commonly, many people get stuck (literally) holding the bag!!!!!! (The bag of CHICKEN, that is!!!!!). Pluck! Pluck! Pluck!]
BAD ACCOUNTING PRACTICES [It is very difficult to rate this problem since we don't really know how serious the problem really is. How much is the corporate world like Enron? Or are the vast majority of businesses honest and clean? I don't honestly know, but I'm willing to gamble that many are rotten to the core--possibly even worse than Enron. I have erred, however, in this instance, on the side of business, since I don't really have enough facts to judge. When I do more research, however, I believe that this category will be placed in the more serious category.]
”CEOs” While I was employed at the Santa Claus Gift Center in Marshfield, Wisconsin, I was given the task of carrying small packages from a storage area into the main warehouse for shipping. I had the night shift, so I tried to stay awake by making small talk with other employees. At the Gift Center, I met an Indian man who always wore a black beret with the letters “C-E-O” on the front. When I asked him what the letters meant, he replied (in a proud and enunciated tone) “Chief Executive Officer!” But when I tried to continue the conversation, the strange man walked away quickly and defiantly, trying to seem busy. During my long hours at the Gift Center, I used to stare at this weird man, with his beaten nose and his ugly complexion trying to figure him out. He was the ugliest man—and yet the hardest worker I had ever known in my life. It still is a great mystery as to what motivated him to work so hard. Now, years later, I think I realize it. It was his black beret—that simple hat which deluded him into believing that he indeed was a “CEO” –the Chief Executive Officer of the Santa Claus Gift Company. In reality, he was a night-shift employee like the rest of us—but in his fantasy world he was a “CEO”—the Chief Executive Officer of the whole company. And it was this misguided Capitalist fantasy which kept him going and working harder than anybody else. According to NBC, CEOs today make 500 times more than the average worker, when in 1975, they made only 40 times that of their average worker. Solution: Socialism.]
AMERICAN TOYS [American toys encourage violence and superficiality. Most toys are wasteful because they are made of plastic and never re-cycled. Primitive societies make simple wooden toys which are both functional and environmentally compatible. Solution: a sea change in American attitudes about toys.]
RADON [The effect of radon is difficult to rate because we know so little about radon levels and the effect of radon in the environment. I assume, however, that it is a medium hazard--neither insignificant nor too serious to cause real alarm. As I understand it, radon isotopes decay in the ground and enters the home as radioactive gamma-type rays through the basement floors or walls. Soon after the radon rays enter, they change into a radioactive gas which could affect people living inside the structure. The solution: better ventilation (to exhaust radon gas or to pull-in fresh air), radon detectors, re-locate to a home with no basement.]
GLASSES [Cheap glasses and frames are a frequent consumer complaint. There is nothing easier than to replace tiny brass screws with large, hefty stainless steel bolts or fasteners.]
HAIR DYES [Hair dyes can cause kidney or liver problems. The solution is for hair dye manufacturers to use less volatile colors and vehicles. A better solution, however, is for women to wear their natural hair--or a wig.]
TRACTOR-TRAILER TAILGATES [Semi trucks go pretty well in forward gear, but when they are backing-up, they frequently run into problems. Many drivers (even skilled ones) cannot seem to get their rear ends to mate well with the loading dock. The problem is that their mirrors don't allow them to view what is directly behind them, viz., the loading dock plate where they have to be. Solution: wire sticks extending from the back of the truck. When a stick touches the dock, an electrode inside the stick will ground on the outside surface of the stick and complete a circuit, sending a signal to the driver that the stick has touched the dock. Since there will be many sticks, the driver will be told by a buzzer which stick is which, thus telling him how far the right side (or the left side) of the rear end is from the dock.]
LEAKY BASEMENTS [Contractors specialize in building basements which are not sealed properly and leak (or flood) when there is a heavy downpour. Solution: make foundations thicker, seal basements—inside and out.]
TOLL BOOTHS [Toll booths are a hazard because they cause unnecessary delays and jam-ups. It is stupid and wasteful to pay somebody to take small pocket change from people on-the-go. The solution is obvious: require cards or stickers for users of tollways; those who don't have the stickers should have to pay a premium for tollway use.]
CHECK CASHING STORES [If you don’t have a bank account, you must go to a check cashing store to cash your paycheck. This outrage is a humiliation for honest, hard-working people who are forced to pay a premium for a service which should be free. The common-sense solution: require all employers to cash employees’ paychecks.]
MOTOR HOMES [People with "Winnebago" style Motor Homes usually take-up far too much space, crowding-out tenters and backpackers. Large motor homes are ugly and wasteful. Solution: size limits on motor homes; tax motor homes on length and weight.]
CONTESTS/PRIZES [If you think you will win, guess again. If you read the fine print, you will find that the odds of winning are not too tall. In fact, if you don't win a prize, you will find that you will be paying for the contest anyway in increased prices and costs for promotion and pay-outs. Thus, if you pay $2.50 for a sandwich, you will pay $2.65 if there is a contest or a promotion.]
COLLEGE ADMISSIONS [Colleges claim to be fair in accepting applicants for admission, but are never truly objective. A person who had done less-than-average in high school may do much better in college because of a better mixture of students, more mature attitudes, or a change of location. It is very unfair to judge someone solely on the basis of grades, so-called "achievement tests", or other arbitrary standards. The solution: allow a student one year in college to perform--to prove that they can do better and study hard. This would give everybody a chance to sample what college life is really like.]
GERRYMANDERING
SPANKING [Spanking is not child abuse, but it is wrong. A child who is spanked may grow-up to mistrust his parents or become abusive. Solution: slap arms or hands.]
CONSTRUCTION SCAFFOLDING [Construction platforms are generally unstable, have no guards on their sides or fronts, and have wooden planks or walkways which can collapse. Solution: better scaffold construction with supported steel walkways and guards.]
BREAKFAST CEREALS
ROOF FLASHINGS [This may seem to be an insignificant item, as much of the lead roof flashing is located under the shingles where nobody is watching. Yet there are millions of homes with roof flashings, and hundreds of millions of roof flashings. I do not honestly know if the lead in the roof flashings is washed by rainwater down to the soil level, but I have a hunch that (since lead is a very heavy metal) it does.
CARBURETORS [These days, fuel injection is used more often, yet carburetors are often the culprit when cars fail to start. The tiny parts and valves inside carburetors become sticky, gummy, dirty, and clogged with fuel and debris. Solution: fuel injection.]
METAL FILE CABINETS [Heavy metal file cabinets can fall over onto the carpet, rust, dent floors--or create other problems when fully-loaded. The solution is to manufacture aluminum or plastic cabinets with clearly-marked load-limits.]
WATER-PUMP FIRE EXTINGUISHERS [Pressurized Halon should be used exclusively for fighting fires. There is no point in battling a blaze with a pissing punking fire extinguisher.]
SCHOOL CHEATING ["The Paper Chase" highlights the problems that cheating causes. Solution: teach students morals at an early age; values are more important than money.]
ADDRESS SIGNS [Clearly-marked addresses should be on every curb. Driving around aimlessly costs consumers thousands each year.]
UMBRELLAS [Umbrellas seem to be the most difficult thing to design well. Most umbrellas have sharp points and break too easily in a strong wind.
Some umbrellas are collapsible, fitting into a purse or handbag; but even these umbrellas can have mechanical problems. Horizontal "trusses" may be part of the solution.]
BULLIES [Bullies are less of a problem than they used to be, hence its lower rating. Solution: identify the bully, bring him to the principal, and expel him. Bullies should be home-schooled by unemployed intellectuals who are physically able to handle a bully.]
TELEMARKETING
HANDICAPPED SPACES [Parking spaces for the handicapped are rarely used. Solution: allow anybody to park in the handicapped space; then let the handicapped to park for short periods on the sidewalk (where it doesn't interfere with standpipes, street keys, and pedestrian flow).]
LOITERING LAWS
DEEP FRY COOKING [Deep Fry Cooking is unsanitary, destroys vitamins, is highly unsafe, and is said to be unhealthy. The common-sense solution is to switch all cooking to pressure-pots, grills, or suspended steamers.]
FLUORESCENT LIGHTING [Though cheaper, fluorescent lighting emits too many violet, blue, and ultra-violet rays. Fluorescent tubes are delicate, difficult to change, and handle. The solution is to use natural sunlight from bay windows, skylights, or low-wattage incandescent lighting.]
FALSE CHRISTMAS CHEER [Ho! Ho! Ho! Santa Claus is here! He’s coming down the rich man’s chimney with stock certificates, jade jewelry, and golden bars! HO! HO! HO! Christmas is a holiday which is never mentioned in the Bible and not practiced by the first Pope or Saints. Christmas is supposed to celebrate the birth of a poor man who never had a dime, never owned any valuable possessions, and never owned a Christmas stocking. Yet (as everybody knows) this beautiful holiday has become perverted to mean exactly the opposite of what it was intended to mean. Today, Christmas is a holiday for the rich, of the rich, and by the rich which emphasizes the fruits of evil Capitalism rather than a noble religion. Solution: tax presents given between December 10th and January 1st and give that money to those who need it most.]
EXCESSIVE CLEANLINESS
ZIPPERS
LACK OF “HIPPIE” COMMUNES [Most of the Vietnam-era Radicals are now dressed in three-piece suits, driving Maseratis, and luncheoning with Wall Street executives. All of the remaining hippie communes of the 60s and 70s have been destroyed by jealous Conservative Republicans. If you don’t believe me, try checking-out “intentional communities.com.” Most all of the present listings are con-artists trying to sucker money out of poor people. Many are run by large corporations; all ask for fees or donations; none are free. It’s not like the good old days! Likewise, “The Mother Earth News” has been transformed from a delightful, little mag to a large, slick, sick, bloated omnibus which caters to the wealthy multi-national corporations. In the back of “The Mother Earth News” where there used to be “matching” ads where friends or “singles” could get together, there are now shiny ads for $1000 log-splitters and farm machinery. Solution: a cultural revolution of people who return to the land: living for free, working for free, and loving for free. Period.]
CAR WASHES [Car Washes are wasteful and create greasy, dirty run-off.]
TIRE-CHANGING MACHINES [The Bishman machine is difficult to use, and can be dangerous. The solution is to re-design and automate the machine so that the operator operates the machine from a remote location.]
WAITRESSES
WATER TOILETS [Ball-and-crank water closets have not been re-designed in about 100 years. Installing Fluidmasters are only a temporary solution. Vacuum water toilets offer a partial solution where adequate pressure is available--yet these are still wasteful. Chemical (where lime is used) astronaut-style toilets could be re-designed for consumer use. Even better is to dry, sterilize, and re-cycle feces to be used as night soil.]
CHEWING TOBACCO [A wad of chewing tobacco (Skoal, Copenhagen, or Red Man) is inserted into the cheek, allowing the brown juice to flavor and stimulate the mouth. Since it contains nicotine, chewing tobacco is really no substitute for cigarettes. Those who are trying to quit smoking shouldn't chew tobacco. Solution: tax chewing tobacco very heavily.]
NAIL POLISH [Nail polish contains acetone, which is inflammable and highly volatile. Fumes from nail polish can spread up to a quarter-mile. Solution: better vehicles, resins, and solvents for nail polish.]
"CHAT ROOMS" [Useless conversation and substandard English should be avoided. Topics should be elevated to the level of Classical rhetoric and Renaissance discourse. Profound subjects like philosophy, art, music, and science should be discussed instead of juvenile jests and sexual intercourse. It only takes a few seconds to reason well and to use correct spelling, grammar, etc. Why not teach the rest of the world that Americans can speak correctly?]
PULITZER “PRIZES” [Pulitzer “prizes” are given to those with wealth and connections to the Capitalist Media. Great writers who refuse to kow-tow and play the game do not get such “prizes”. Solution: government grants for great unpublished writers. A heavy tax on Pulitzer and Noble “prizes” given to those who are already rich.]
LACK OF BICYCLE PATHS
AUTO JACKS
SHOPPING CARTS [Sharp edges on shopping carts are hazardous to all shoppers. When fully-loaded, shopping carts put too much pressure on floors and carpeting, creating maintenance problems. Without automatic brakes, carts can careen into cars, merchandise, and people. The solution is to make smaller carts out of plastic (or wood) with inboard wheels and brakes.]
VENDING MACHINES [Vending machines are large, heavy, and wasteful. They are also prone to vandalism and mechanical problems. They use large amounts of energy in the summer to make sodas cold; in the winter, they must heat the sodas, or they will freeze and explode. Solution: smaller, shorter vending machines; vending machines like Coleman coolers which have transparent walls in which you put your hand through a trap-door and take out the soda you want. (After you get your soda, the trap-door will shut and lock automatically to prevent you getting two sodas.]
PRODUCE DATING [Dairies frequently re-date and re-sell milk, thus reaping substantial profits. This practice should be stopped. Produce Dating should reflect the date that the product left the farm, not the date of final sale.]
HEAVY NEWSPAPERS [Large big-city newspapers average about 150,000 in circulation. All (of course) exist on ads placed and sold by the column-inch. Newspapers make a determined effort to print as little news as possible so that they make more money. The price of the paper is low because it is subsidized by so many junky ads!!!!!!!!! Solution: less advertising; better, more creative, more informative ads that tell a story instead of merely pushing you to buy.]
"MOUNTAIN DEW" [The Caffeine content of "Mountain Dew" is not listed on the label, but it is said to be a heavy-duty stimulant double the strength of coffee. The best solution is to ban (or to heavily tax) "Mountain Dew" and other stimulant drinks.]
CRUISE SHIPS [Cruise ships operate from international waters, and are therefore immune to most American laws--even while they are docked in port. Especially on the high seas, the captain's word is law. In other words, if the captain demands that you be thrown overboard, there is nothing--absolutely nothing you can do about it. Seriously, though, there are many labor abuses (such as underpayment, overwork, laboring in hot engine rooms, etc. that is not (and cannot) be covered by US regulations. People who are passengers on cruise ships pay a high premium to be there, and are generally unaware of intolerable conditions below deck. Solution: the only remedy for the reckless disregard of commonly accepted labor standards is to ban a particular line from docking in the United States.]
STYROFOAM CUPS
ARTIFICIAL SWEETENERS
SILVER DENTAL FILINGS [Sliver dental filling frequently contain mercury, and sometimes come loose. The solution is to require dentist to use only alloy gold fillings.]
AIRPORT SEATS [Airport seats are deliberately made small and uncomfortable to prevent Homeless people from sleeping on them. It is strange that airlines use the heavier seats on aircraft, where space and weight are at a premium. Airport seats should be as large and as comfortable as your living room sofa.]
JOHN DEERE TRACTORS [John Deere tractors are uncomfortable, loud, and difficult to use compared with Kubota or other Japanese tractors. The solution is for the Federal government to rigorously regulate farm tractors.]
SNOWMOBILES
ICE CREAM [American Ice Cream has more additives that a paint factory. Mexican ice cream has enough parasites to give a cow amoebisis for a century. Solution: Get Breyers, Hagen Das, or home-made ice cream.]
MATRESSES [Mattresses are large, cumbersome, and develop dips and holes after they are well-used. Solution: air mattresses which you blow-up and deflate when necessary.]
HACKERS
LOW INTEREST RATES [Low interest rates discourage bank accounts, and encourage wasteful spending. This is an easy one: raise interest rates!]
HORIZONTAL BLINDS, SHADES [These types of window coverings have needlessly complex controls, wires, pulleys, and springs which frequently become tangled or broken. More importantly, however, they are nearly impossible to clean when dusty or dirty. Solution: modern verticals, curtains, or shutters. A cheaper solution: use black garbage bags or aluminum foil; discard it when it becomes too dirty to clean.]
GREYHOUND BUSES
FEW CORALS [Hawaiian and Florida Keys corals are almost gone because of water pollution, temperature changes, and tourists breaking-off chunks of coral for souvenirs. It take a million years for a coral reef to grow, but only a few seconds to destroy it. There is no solution to this problem at this time.]
SANITARY NAPKINS [There are millions of sanitary napkins (feminine pads)used and disposed of each day. Sanitary napkins should be made of cotton (so they can be washed and re-used)--or they should be re-cycled.]
ALUMINUM WINDOW SCREENS [Aluminum corrodes forming a scale of aluminum oxide on windows which is next-to-impossible to remove. Solution: use pumice (or rottenstone on black window frames) to abrade the aluminum oxide and remove it. Complete the cleaning with ammonia, water, and a cotton rag. Better yet: get plastic window screens.]
GREETING CARDS [Greeting cards express sentiment which is rarely real. Most people send a greeting card because they can't think or they can't write an honest letter. Solution: get better poets, more creative people--or write your own greeting card.]
"DOUBLE CLUTCHING" [It is said that only one out of a thousand drivers knows how to shift correctly. Most drivers use the clutch too much, causing heavy wear on the bearings and clutch plate. Other drivers shift at the wrong speed, causing torque waste or engine wear; still others "pop" the clutch, creating clutch warping or burning. "Double Clutching" (as I understand it) is a way to conserve fuel or increase speed. The driver simply speeds up the engine before the clutch is disengaged and then re-engaged. However, there is a second type of "Double Clutching" which is distinctly more harmful. A dumb semi driver taught me that "it is better never to use the clutch at all." "Just rev the engine up and slide the gear into position." It seems to me, however, that this method would rapidly burn the clutch or chip the transmission gears. Solution: better shifting--or get an automatic.]
MOTORBOAT TRANSOMS [Most motorboats have short 15 inch transoms which are frequently swamped in following seas. Solution: higher transoms with long-shafted motors, tapered "dory," "canoe," or "double-ender" transoms which will break following seas and can be used as a bow instead of a stern.]
SKI LIFTS [Ski lifts seem dangerous (to those who are riding on them) and occasionally are dangerous. Solution: bars or guards on the front of seats--and--slow-down the lifts!!!!]
KENNELS [Cats and dogs have sensitive ears which can hear twice as good as humans can. Thus, you can imagine how loud a crowded kennel must sound to a caged dog or cat. Kennels are frequently filthy and have little space for animals to roam around. Solution: Federal regulations and prohibitions against overly-crowded kennels.]
"BASS BOATS" [Bass boats are flat-bottomed boats for quiet inland lakes. They are called "bass boats" because they are used frequently by patient, wary bass fishermen who spend a long time sitting-down. And because these fishermen sit down a long time, the bass boats are equipped with cushioned, elevated seats which are made for comfort. Unfortunately, the bass boats are hardly seaworthy and topple the fishermen at the slightest hint of a wake. In addition, the bottoms of bass boats are not made for rough weather and will capsize the boat in stormy weather. Solution: Federal standards for "bass boats" to increase chine, freeboard, gunwale length, clinker, providing a "V" to heavy chop or foamy seas. Elevated seats on bass boats or johnboats should be illegal.]
BELT SANDERS [That high-speed whine you hear on a sweet Sunday afternoon is Joe's belt sander trying to smooth-down a rough oak door. Unfortunately, by the end of the day, Joe will be deaf--or the heavy belt sander that he so dearly treasures will be flying into his cheeks and destroy many of his teeth. Solution: a clearly-marked label on the side of the sander should say "USE EAR PLUGS!" Non-commercial belt sanders should be smaller and slower--few people use the great power capacity of most belt sanders.]
ALTIMETERS [Airplane altimeters do not tell you how far you are above the ground; they only tell you your approximate height above sea level. Altimeters are supposed to be set before flying, but since they are really barometers, their readings can change with the weather and air pressure. Thus, in cloudy conditions, you do not really know how high you are. Solution: mandatory radar for ALL general aviation aircraft. Radar (used in conjunction with other instruments) would be much safer.]
TOP-LOADING CLOTHES WASHERS [Top-loading washers are more inefficient than front-loading or side-loading washers. Top-loading washers bunch and crush clothes that are soaking-wet, but never completely clean. People take their clothes out thinking that they are clean, but soon discover that soap suds or dirt is left inside the creases. Solution: tax on top-loading washers, lower prices for front-loading washers.]
"BEAUTY CONTESTS" [Since beauty is always subjective, "beauty contests" are a complete fraud. Many beautiful women never win (or never compete in) "beauty contests." Many women (who are fat, ugly, or handicapped) have inner beauty which is far more valuable than superficial "beauty contest" nonsense. It is a real pity that American society concentrates on such banal hocus-pocus.]
DISHWASHERS [Dishwashers (especially commercial models) are exceeding wasteful. They not only use large amounts of water, but also large amounts of electricity to heat the water to steam. Solution: kitchen workers should only wash plates a little in a regular double-sink. If any food is still stuck on the plate, that will be OK, since when food is put on the plate, nobody is going to check for the old food which is stuck under the food.]
DEODORANTS
PLUMBING SNAKES [Plumbing "snakes" are coils of steel wire which are put into pipes to clean-out clogs and debris. Many times, however, they become stopped by sharp turns in the pipe, becoming bunched-up or entangled inside the pipe. (In this respect, the small "snakes" are worse than the larger ones, because they are so weak and tend to curl-up each time they meet an obstruction.)Some "snakes" even make plumbing problems worse by cracking pipes or chipping toilet bowls. Solution: government standards for more "cleanouts", less bends in pipe runs, and more pipe that is exposed to the plumber for repairs.]
FLASHLIGHT BULBS [This may seem a minor problem, but it is actually a major one--flashlight bulbs should work when you really need them. If a flashlight is tipped-over, it frequently goes out because the filament inside the bulb has become broken or detached from the electrode. This difficulty is frequently difficult to analyze because most people assume the batteries or the switch is at fault. Solution: thicker, better, stronger filaments which are attached better to the electrode.]
"SCOTCH TAPE" [Scotch tape is very useful in the office and home, but it has one serious flaw: if the tape is torn without something under it, it sticks to the roll, making it nearly impossible to detach. Solution: thicker tape, tape with less adhesive.]
BRASSIERES/GIRDLES/CORSETS ["Bras" are undergarments designed to hold the breasts in place while walking or running. A secondary purpose of the "bra" is to firm the breasts so they don't eventually bag and sag. To my way of thinking, "bras" are unnecessary to small-breasted women and a definite liability to large-breasted ones. "Bras" are sometimes difficult to wear when the weather is hot; you can imagine how a woman must feel in the boiling hot sun with her chest harnessed like a horse! As bad as a "bra" would seem to be, old-fashioned girdles and corsets are even worse. It is good that most women (these days) refuse to wear them.]
"MARTIAL ARTS" [Karate and allied kick-boxing are not good for kids. Why not teach them boxing with gloves--or other similar sports?]
SYSTEMS TEACHERS/WRITERS ["Mac for Dummies" is gross and insulting. Do not talk jargon to me, do not talk down to me, and do not act like a high-flying nerd--or I will snap at you like a rabid Rotweiller.]
FOOTBALL
PACKAGED FRUIT [In most countries, greengrocers sell fruit bare, without fancy frills or excessive packaging. In the US, however, wasteful greengrocers must entomb each tomato and pear inside an expensive layer of carton and plastic wrap. Frequently, such fruit spoils and rots on the bottom where nobody knows it is bad. Solution: sell fruit naked.]
NO AUGUST HOLIDAY [There is no holiday between the Fourth of July and Labor Day, hence forcing summer workers to work two hot months without a break. Solution: a Federal holiday around August 4th to provide workers a much-needed hot-weather break.]
EXOTIC DANCING CLUBS ["Exotic dancing" is free-form dancing by libertines designed to excite male sexual appetites. But "mixed signals" frequently create problems for both the dancers and the patrons. Men view dancing as a "come-on" for erotic conversation, while the women dancers are usually low-life deadbeats who are just trying to make a buck. Sometimes arguments and fights break-out between men and women or men and men. Solution: professional choreographed dancers who are artistic, lively, upbeat, and wholesome. Professionalism is the keynote that would discourage pandering, philandering, and prostitution.]
THE FARM BUREAU
"FITNESS CENTERS" [People go to "Fitness Centers" to get into shape, but the same results could be obtained by hard physical work. If you dig ditches or chop wood you are getting a better work-out than anybody.]
PENCILS [Pencils haven't changed in design since they were invented. When you need a pencil sharpener, there isn't one around. Solution: put the sharpener under the eraser so it is there when you need it.
COLEMAN STOVES/LANTERNS [Coleman of Kansas makes very expensive products which are of questionable design. Gasoline stoves and unstable lanterns with beryllium mantles are cumbersome, difficult to light, difficult to use, costly, heavy, and too large for backpacking. Solution: tiny "Primus" stoves, solar cooking, fluorescent lights.]
SIGNODE BANDERS [Banders are used in warehouses to wrap bundles and packages to pallets for shipping so that the load stays stable and doesn't move around while being transported. Steel bands (long steel straps) are inserted under the pallet, wrapped around the whole bundle, tied together, then stapled together with a long pair of pliers. The problem comes when the steel band is tied too tightly and snaps, or is tied too loose and has to be re-done. Signode-style banders are heavy, cumbersome, difficult to hold, difficult to use, and somewhat dangerous. The straps sometimes break, the staples frequently come loose, and operators sometimes get nipped by the bands or the pliers. Solution: use cloth webbed straps that truck drivers use inside their tractor-trailers which are more costly, but hold the load better and are much safer.]
"CALLING CARDS" [Calling cards are cards used to call from public telephones. They are supposed to eliminate the need for change (which they do) and are supposed to be considerably cheaper than pay phones (which they are). The difficulty comes when calling-cards are advertised: they usually are touted as being very cheap per minute (which they are not). Solution: truth-in-advertising laws designed to make calling-card companies tell the truth to the consumer.]
AUTOMATIC COFFEE MAKERS [White coffee is shipped to Jacksonville, where it is roasted or burned, assuming its familiar flavor and characteristic black color. The seed or "bean" is then ground into a fine powder and shipped to the consumer. Coffee loses a great deal of its fine flavor, however, after its is ground and stored for a long period. Automatic coffee makers further dilute the product by leaving coffee out in the open air for a long time, then not allowing the coffee grains to fully contact the boiling water, hence creating a relatively weak solution. Office workers sometimes leave coffee sit in its holder for long periods, allowing other workers to cough and sneeze on the coffee grains, hence permitting sickness and viruses to spread. Coffee makers are hazardous in many ways: if a coffee pot is left empty, the pot can break, explode, or catch fire; if a coffee pot is not replaced on the burner, the coffee may drip on the burner, creating potentially explosive drops which can blow-up into a secretary's face; and lastly, the coffee maker itself can be pushed-over onto the floor, burning or destroying carpeting or valuable merchandise.]
CELEBRITY PROMOTIONS [The reason for fame is promotion--not talent. Celebrities are pimped by the Media until the public can no longer stand it and gives in. “The Spice Girls”, Elvis Costello, and The Hot Chili Peppers are a few tasteless groups which have been given a free ride by the Capitalist Media.]
USMC TRAINING [The Marine Corp “trains” its recruits at a 16-week boot camp (8 weeks longer than the Army). The Marine Crop is well-known for its high degree of disciple—but also for its renown failures and physical abuse of recruits. Before “boot camp”, all “boots” must shave their heads as a sign of allegiance to their military masters. Recruits are subjected to exceptionally harsh discipline which includes “hazing”, “fazing” (shouting at high volume to make the recruit more aggressive and less sensitive to the horrors of warfare), and psychological twisting (which sometimes has horrible consequences). Most Marines make it to “boot camp” graduation, but others crack-up and are sent to Mental Institutions. Even worse, some “boots”--like John Wayne Bobbitt and Timothy McVeigh—are ruined by the Marine Corp to go on mindless destructive rampages against society.
RARE EARTHS [Rare Earths are (as their name implies) rare minerals which are found in the earth. Rare Earths are radioactive elements of the Actinide and Lanthanide series of the Periodic Table. Not all Rare Earths are used, but all Rare Earth are useful. Some Rare Earths isotopes exist only for a fraction of a section; other Rare Earths may exist for millions of years. In the United States, Rare Earths are exceptionally rare—found mostly in black (monazite) sands near Daytona Beach. Today, the US must import 85% of rare earths, making us dangerously dependent upon volatile foreign sources of these valuable minerals. Solution: more atom smashers, cyclotrons, and scientific research to produce Rare Earth artificially in the laboratory.]
JAMA [The Journal of the American Medical Association is supposed to be for anybody interested in new breakthroughs in medicine, but its style and complex jargon make it frustrating and confusing. Solution: one side of the page for doctors, the other side for normal people who can't understand medical terminology.]
THE MANN ACT [It used to be (or still is?) the case that a boyfriend from Alabama couldn't take his girlfriend to Georgia (across State lines) to make love to her. Solution: rescind the Mann Act.]
SILICONE IMPLANTS
BOAT LAUNCHING-RAMPS [These inclined planes allow trailered boats to enter the water slowly and gradually--but there are many problems. First of all, many drivers forget to set the parking brake, allowing the boat to pull the car into the water and sink it. Other people panic (if the boat trailer starts to slip), jerking the transmission in reverse, then sinking both the boat and the car. Still other people forget to put the drain-plug in the transom, allow the boat to fill with water and sink. Then, lastly, there are those who slip on the slippery surface of the launching-ramp, landing themselves in the water, covered with algae and scum. Solution: launching ramps made of traction bricks, not concrete; handrails, depth indicators, more gradual inclines of the launching ramp.]
MEN'S TIES
CHIMNEYS [Most European chimneys are tall enough to grab a substantial draft which pulls the smoke out and away from the flue. American homes, however, have much shorter chimneys which usually fail to catch the strong breezes aloft. In addition, dirty chimneys are fire hazards and allow valuable heat to escape the house in cold weather.]
CHEWING GUM [Chewing gum (chicle) is collected in the tropical rainforest by underpaid workers, then shipped to Chicago, where it is combined with sugar and flavors to make the final product. Theater-owners spend thousands each year replacing seats that have been welded with gobs of chewing gum. Carpets and clothing are made useless by chewing gum that can't be removed. The solution is to tax chewing gum at a very high rate, like cigarettes or liquor.]
UPRIGHT VACUUM CLEANERS [Upright vacuum cleaners are heavy, cumbersome, and relatively useless. They cannot clean the sides of carpets near the wall; under beds; under and around furniture; draperies, walls; or ceilings. "Kirby" vacuum cleaners are even worse: they are even more heavy and unwieldy than the regular upright models--and they are extremely expensive. Belts inside upright vacuum cleaners frequently burn-out and are difficult to replace or repair. Solution: get a canister model with a rotating brush--or get a combination canister/upright; both of these are currently being manufactured, and are highly satisfactory.]
TRAVELLING CARNIVALS [These small circuses are over-priced and have very little of interest. Ride operators are usually inexperienced and unaware of important safety regulations. Solution: government regulation, better training for operators, price controls.]
"IVY LEAGUE" SCHOOLS [George Bush, most members of Congress, and many other government officials have gone to "Ivy League" Schools--not for the education they provide, but merely for the name of the institution. And that well-known name helps them get connections, a job, or an ear in Washington. But few people--either Republican or Democrat--are willing to help break the vicious cycle of the Ivy Leagues. Not one person in Congress is courageous enough to stand up and say that the Ivy Leagues are bullshit and are no better than any other colleges. Solution: publicly humiliate those who have gone to the Ivy Leagues, ask them to take intelligence tests, "SAT", "ACT" tests, and to announce that they are no smarter than anybody.]
MEDICAL SCHOOLS
SUNTAN LOTIONS [The coconut oil in suntan lotion is good for the skin, but creates a scummy film over the surface of pools and tubs. Solution: try to invent a water-soluble suntan lotion.]
SHOELACES [Modern-style shoes have "Velcro" fasteners, but some still stick to outmoded shoelaces. People waste thousands of hours each years tying and un-tying their shoes.]
BRIEFCASES/SUITCASES [Travellers use stupid suitcases which are heavy, cumbersome, and put too much strain on hand and arm muscles. People who carry suitcases are frequently off-balance, and sometimes slip on snow or ice. Solution: backpacks.]
FORTUNE TELLERS [Fortune tellers make thousands of dollars every year telling people questionable fortunes. Solution: government regulations forcing fortune tellers to state their methods and rate-of-success.]
TREE "TOPPING"/TRIMMING [Tree "topping" is the trimming of the tops of large trees by municipalities and large estates. "Topping" is supposed to make the tree look nice and grow better. Actually, it does just the opposite. Trimming the top of a tree (as opposed to trimming its sides) is extremely detrimental to the tree's growth. A botany teacher once told me that complete removal of the tree is better than ignorant trimming.]
PANTYHOSE [Panty Hose rips, tears, and is time-consuming to put-on and difficult to wear. Panty Hose is also inflammable and a hazard for infants. The solution is to use regular underwear or cotton stockings.]
BAROMETERS [Barometers are used by Alaskans and Rocky Mountain natives who are not close to national weather stations and cannot receive satellite transmissions. Others use barometers to check on weather forecasts, or to tell if a hurricane is approaching. Most people have aneroid barometers, which operate by springs and pulleys, and are exceedingly inaccurate. Mercury barometers (which are more accurate) are, of course, not a viable alternative. Solution: free barometers supplied by the government; use at least three aneroid barometers, and take an average reading of all of the barometers.]
"MUZAK" ["Muzak", "elevator music", "wallpaper music", or "easy listening music" is far from easy to listen to. It combines the worst elements of formless music--no rhythm, no beat, no harmony--only a thin-skinned melody disguised as music. Its almost universal uses makes "muzak" much more harmful than it would seem.]
LUXURY RESORTS
FLAG-WAVING HYPOCRITES [Many who fly the American flag are cowardly hypocrites that would shy-away from battle if asked to volunteer for duty. They do not understand the realities of war, and cheer those who go marching into battle without risking anything themselves. Those who call for attacking foreign nations are usually wealthy, prejudiced people whose forefathers came from white European countries in great numbers 100 years ago. They want levels placed on immigration, but forget that they would not be here without the liberal immigration policies of the early 1900s. Such people know little about the diversity of Third World nations and foreign cultures. The solution: Media programs about Third World realities, better communication with foreigners, "chat rooms" which focus on an international sharing of intellect, better schooling in the primary grades.]
EXPENSIVE CHEESE [Cheese is simply milk to which bacteria or molds have been added. Cheese is expensive because it takes one gallon of milk to produce one pound of cheese; yet—due to unfair marketing techniques--most cheese is unnecessarily expensive. Cheese is said to be expensive because it takes several weeks to produce, yet most cheeses are made by machine and take little labor to cure. Blue Cheese (to which penicillin mold is added) must be aged at least one year to acquire its characteristic pungent flavor and highly salty taste; but even Blue Cheese is more expensive than it has to be. Northern Illinois produces more high-quality cheese than Wisconsin, yet Wisconsin get most of the fame for American cheese production. Whether from Illinois or Wisconsin, cheese is simply more expensive than it has to be. I live in Wisconsin, but I must put the consumer first and demand lower-priced cheese. Solution: make bulk cheese out of old, stale milk—the product will be the same good cheese you know, but it will be much cheaper.]
HIGH HEELED SHOES [High-heeled shoes are worn for fashion, not for utility. High-heeled shoes put as much stress (per square inch) on carpeting as a tractor-trailer truck. A five dollar pair of high-heeled shoes can destroy a 10,000 dollar carpet in five seconds. High-heeled shoes can get caught in doorways, in elevator openings, in sewer gratings, in manhole covers, and in draw-bridges; high-heels can twist a woman’s ankle like a rubber band in a half-second and send her reeling. Solution: ban all shoes with heels narrower than two inches.]
MASCARA [Mascara is not water soluble and is difficult to remove. It frequently smears and the face messy. Solution: water-soluble mascara.]
POTTED PLANTS [Potted plants are prisoners of the office, accumulating too much salt at the bottom of their containers. Solution: wash out the soil with large amounts of water.]
VIOLINS [The violin is difficult to play because it doesn't have "frets" or note bars which enable the player to find the correct notes. Solution: manufacture violins with frets, or put a card under the strings to help you as a guide.]
FRENCH HORNS [The various convolutions and twists of tubing along with the fact that the tubes are narrower than the trumpet, cornet, or bugle--make the French Horn very difficult to play. If the beautiful golden sound of the French Horn is not affected, a possible solution would be to straighten or widen the tubing so it is easier to play.]
EMBASSIES [These offices are in foreign countries, but they are technically within the domain of the United States—hence they are included here. Embassy officials are frequently rude, inefficient, and ignorant—not only to foreigners, but to American citizens as well. Offices are stale, tasteless, and crassly modern. Solution: foreign input into the construction and operation of embassies abroad; hire out-of-work intellectuals instead of political hacks.]
ROCK CANDY/"JUJUBEES" [Rock-candy, Jujubes [accepted spelling], and similar candy is not good for the teeth; it can cause cavities and even pull-out fillings.]
PAJAMAS [Pajamas are the most useless clothing that people wear. Those who have athlete's foot or ringworm should never use pajamas because they must have free air circulation. (Spouses and friends who sleep with a person who has ringworm, however, should demand that their mate wear pajamas). In general, however, it is better to sleep naked.]
HORSE SADDLES [A 30 pound saddle is too heavy for a horse already burdened by a 220 pound rider. Solution: lightweight plastic saddles, English saddles, or air mattresses.]
TIPPING [Tipping is less common in Europe than in America. Frequently, the customer is unsure of how much (or how little) to tip. Waitresses rarely share their tips with the harder-working dishwasher as they are "supposed" to do. Why not give waitresses a good wage instead of forcing them to rely on tips for income?
UNITED PARCEL SERVICE [UPS is both good and bad. It is a highly-unionized delivery service which (generally) has very good service and makes an effort to employ minorities. However, there are some problems in UPS which are noteworthy. First of all, UPS is a highly-disciplined organization based on a para-military model. This, in itself is not bad, but the shouting and the insults that fly from supervisors are counter-productive and actually reduces efficiency. Secondly, UPS drivers (who are pushed to the limit) are sometime very reckless and discourteous. Thirdly, the dark brown color of UPS trucks makes them hard to discern at nighttime. The solutions are obvious: relax, slow-down, paint truck with an orange or yellow stripe for safety.]
BABYSITTERS/NANNIES [Babysitters are usually untrained in primary education and safety procedures for toddlers. They are frequently lazy and unimaginative. Few "Mary Poppins" types exist. Even "Missus Doubtfire" would do a better job than most of today's babysitters! Solution: public awareness, Media education, informal junior college classes directed toward babysitters.]
SCUBA TANK "J-VALVES" [The scuba tank is a sealed contained under extremely high air pressure, usually over 1200 pound per square inch. (That is about 40 times the pressure in your automobile tires.) The scuba tank's extremely high pressure is supposedly because divers desire to stay underwater for long periods without coming to the surface. Unfortunately, however, the "J-valve" (located at the top of the tank) cannot always withstand such tremendous pressure, and frequently fails--exploding upward and outward--pushed skyward by the huge tower of unbottled air. The obvious solution would be to put less air in the tank--or try to construct better "J-valves"...the former solution is probably more realistic.]
SHORT HAIR CUTS [Short hair cuts less than ¼ inch long are called “crew cuts” or “burr cuts”. Crew cuts which are have hair horizontally rising from the side and cut flat across the top are called “chop-tops”, “high side-walls”, or “flat-tops”. A bald top with a rectangular one-inch-wide “chop top” in the middle that rises about 3 inches is called a “Mohawk”. A polished-looking bald cut is called a “jailhouse cut”. The SS, the SA, and the Gestapo all had short hair, yet Adolph Hitler himself had longer hair. All of the people around Bush, most of the people who voted for Bush have short hair, yet Bush himself has longer than average hair. Sound familiar????]
"AIR FRESHENERS" [So-called "air fresheners" are really dispersing mechanisms which disseminate deodorants into the atmosphere. In other words, the air is not really cleaned or "freshened" but merely masked with chemicals. A potential problem could exist if there are allergens, molds, paint solvents, paint vehicles, or inflammable vapors floating-around in the air.]
SECRETARIES
TIME ZONES [Russia has 12 time zones, but does a better job than the United States in easing the passage from one zone to another. The United States has 7 time zones, the borders of some which are drawn in a haphazard and capricious manner. Instead of directly following State boundaries, time zones (sometimes) follow county lines, cutting directly through the middle of States and populated areas. To add additional confusion, Daylight Savings Time is used. Two States, viz., Indiana and Arizona have decided not to observe Daylight Savings Time, thus compounding an already confusing situation. Solution: make Daylight Savings Time universal; re-design Time Zone boundaries to follow only the lines of States (except for where Illinois and Indiana meet) so that people are less confused.]
“HYDRAULICING” [Mining of gold using large high-pressure hoses which spray the river banks, eroding soil and vegetation.]
PUNTS [The dents or depressions on the bottom of cans or bottles are called “punts”. These hidden indentations have no structural purpose and are meant to deceive the consumer into thinking that there is more volume of product inside the container. Solution: require all bottlers to labels containers with the size of the punts in cubic centimeters.]
"CHICKEN FIGHTS" [In a “chicken fights” four people are fighting, with two people on the shoulders of the other two. Generally, “chicken fights” take place in the elementary school playground where aggressive children fight other aggressive children. Usually, “chicken fights” end peacefully, but occasionally, somebody gets kicked or bruised. Solution: make “chicken fights” an Olympic sport, legitimizing this odd form of recreation (and making it safer by supplying knee pads, wrestling pads, and referees.]
"TUSHIE BOMBS"/"SPITBALLS" ["Tushie bombs" are wads of toilet paper soaked in water, squeezed tightly together, and thrown at the classroom ceiling. Unfortunately, "tushie-bombs" are more than a minor irritation to janitors who have to clean them up after they have been cemented to the ceiling. Solution: better classroom discipline.]
PAY TOILETS
BEECHCRAFT BONANZAS [A traditional airplane has a "T" type tail in which the rudder is at the back, and the elevators are at the bottom of the "T" section. The "Beechcraft" however, improvises on this theme by unifying both the rudder and the elevator into a "V" type tail which is neither rudder nor elevator, but a combination of both. This type of tail is somewhat faster than the traditional "T" tail, but it is not better because serious handling problems can result in turbulent weather. Solution: more wind tunnel testing, improvement of the "Beechcraft" design by structural engineers, or a combination "T" and "V" tail.]
"PROFESSIONAL" WRESTLING [This well-known "sport" is actually promotional acting, since all such "wrestlers" are members of the Actor's Guild. Such modern fakirs are very adept at their not-so-subtle art; all is in fun-and-games, and nobody gets really banged-up.]
PREP SCHOOLS
BELTS/SUSPENDERS
"GREEN BEER" [Beer which is not aged long enough is "green." European and Mexican beer is usually better because it is aged longer. Solution: age beer to made it sweeter, darker, and more potent.]
THE RAILROAD RETIREMENT BOARD
WOMEN’S PURSES
STAPLERS [Paper clips should be used instead of staplers for most applications. If you need a page and you stapled it, you either have to use a cumbersome (and stupid) staple remover, or you have to rip the paper. Staples rust, frequently staining the upper corner of the page with an ugly brown mark. (Paper clips which are plastic-coated do not rust). Solution: use paper clips (or a paper clamp if you have more than 15 pages).
ACTUARIES
"BARF BAGS" ["Barf bags" are airline bags used for vomiting. Usually, very few passengers experience air-sickness; additionally, the bags themselves are usually too narrow for a person who is reeling and vomiting all over the place. A good solution: put the "barf bags" only in seats requested by those who think they need them; make the mouth of the bags wider and longer.]
HANDKERCHIEFS [I wipe my nose with a spare arm or shirt sleeve. Why spread disease more than you have to?]
KITE INSTRUCTIONS [Kite instructions are written in China, and are difficult to understand. Many traditional Japanese box kites are very difficult to build and need detailed descriptions. Solution: intelligent instructions.]
QUANTUM MECHANICS TEACHERS [Physics and Quantum Mechanics teachers need a lesson in communication. Usually, their lectures are too fast, too urbane, and too subtle for the average student to grasp. The solution is obvious!]
THIN TOILET PAPER
SAILBOAT KEELS [A keel is a heavy fin on the bottom of a sailboat designed to make the boat more stable in heavy seas. Keels are usually filled with lead, but can be concrete or iron. The keel, however, adds enormous weight to the boat and slows it down. Sailboats with keels are difficult to trailer and transport. Keels can run aground on reefs or submerged obstructions, frequently destroying both the reef and the sailboat. Solution: use lighter scrap-iron keels which are hinged and hung from the stern (as “daggerboards”) to cut the waves. The iron daggerboards will stabilize the boat as it sails, but will break-away and pop-up when they knock against an obstruction. A smaller daggerboard could be hung from the bow to further prevent heeling-over in a beam-reach. Catamaran-type outriggers (with steel counterweights) could be used in conjunction with the twin daggerboards. If speed is of the essence, and the ocean surface is mirror-like, the outriggers can be unbolted and dropped into the ocean. For larger boats, a traditional iron keel bolted to the bottom of the boat could be removed if the ship runs aground. Before the boating season ends, the keel could be unbolted and dumped far out at sea; the keel-less boat then would be sailed back to harbor. (The dumped iron will rust and disintegrate in a few years, while the boat will be lighter and more easy to transport.)]

TO RICHARD A. GEPHARDT

and THE UNITED STATES HOUSE OF REPRESENTANTIVES

THE POPULATION EXPLOSION
MINERAL AND PETROLEUM EXHAUSTION

Gold, platinum, silver, or aluminum;

Cold cobalt, copper, cool chromium;

Molybdenum or mighty manganese:

Important metals cannot grow on trees.
OVER-DEVELOPMENT
LACK OF RECYCLING
GREED

Jane Fonda flew—a friend of Vietnam:

She cheered the Commies as bad Johnson bombed.

Then Turner (Ted) trucked trillions pushed in tush;

Financial Fonda now is Barbara Bush.
IGNORANCE
LACK OF LOVE -
DISHONESTY
LACK OF ALTERNATIVE ENERGY PRODUCTION
THE NEXT ICE AGE

Repeated cold-snaps since the Miocene

Turns all to ice, and covers all the green:

Great glaciers glaze as silver cities sink;

They’re coming soon—it’s later than you think.
BUSINESS/RESIDENTIAL WASTE
PETROLEUM DISTILLATES
TOO MANY CARS/TRUCKS
THE INTERNAL COMBUSTION ENGINE
PLASTICS

Produced from coal or petroleums:

duPont and Dow developed dreams from drums.

Cheap paper, steel solve the plastics strafe:

Renewable, recyclable, and safe.
INDUSTRIAL WASTE
FOREIGN ANIMAL/PLANT INVASIONS
NEW VIRUSES
NO "HEAVY WATER" (FUSION) RESEARCH REACTORS
EXCESSIVE PACKAGING
ATOMIC WEAPONS
RARE DISEASES -
NEEDLESS WARS
INCOME DISPARITIES

With Lenin’s love, Fidel’s fast friendly fists:

We’ll crash their card games, smash their schemes with schists.

As millions march—as billions bow and bend—

Clean Communists will conquer in the end.
LOOSE MORALS/PROMISCUITY/ABORTION

Promiscuous behavior can’t belong

If reason reigns, if right replaces wrong.

Quick copulations should be seen as crimes:

Abortion’s sickness—symptom of our times.
MALE/FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS
CONSERVATIVE GOVERNMENTS

Controlling Congress, Cabinet, and the Courts;

State Legislatures, Lobbies of all sorts;

The Governors, the President (and spies);

Conservatives—dictators in disguise.
CONSERVATIVE ATTITUDES

Their conscience crippled—cancered cold in crime:

Conservatives—complaining all the time.

They seldom see they’re stupid, slow, and strange:

Resisting reason, righteousness and change.
LONLINESS
THE 5-DAY WORK WEEK
THE MILITARY

Now North Korea keeps the Left Wing strong:

The only country where we all belong.

Defying deadbeats—Bush and billionaires—

Now North Korea shouts from skyway stairs.
INSTITIONAL CARE
CONCRETE
SOIL EXHAUSTION
HIGH RENTS

In San Francisco, Washington DC;

In Honolulu, Cardiff-by-the-Sea;

Just one month’s rent could buy a brand-new home

In Vietnam by brilliant Buddhist domes.
MEDIOCRE ARTISTS

Picasso’s painting—pocked by paw-print pounds:

Chaotic canvass—craft by comic clowns.

Dutch Rembrandt, Titian, Michelangelo:

No simple stooges—Curly, Larry, Moe.
DRUGS
VACANT BUILDINGS

A housing shortage makes the rents too high

While offices are vacant close nearby.

Solution’s simple—follows common sense—

Convert an office to a residence.
PARKING LOTS
THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEM
PUBLIC EDUCATION

Our schools need silver—many millions more:

Depleted dollars slash some students sore.

If test scores topple to the toilet tank,

You can’t run schools on a piggybank.
RELIGIOUS HYPOCRITES/LACK OF A "TRUE RELIGION"

Religious rejects rave at mouthy Mass;

Then after Sunday, Monday’s money’s massed.

Compassion’s conscience—crippled cold as ice:

They crap on Jesus—shit on Jesus Christ.
FIRE-ARMS
OBESITY

Obesity’s from too much liberty:

Food’s freedoms feed their lazy laxity.

Ambition, drive, dog discipline—and work

Can make you thin—as thin as Toothpick Turk.
WATER POLLUTION
SUPERFICIALITY

Deluding dollars drag dumb Dizzy Dean;

Seduce with sweat and superficial scene.

Malicious morons mob the mad machine:

Success is seen as money by the mean.
BAD LEADERSHIP/ABUSE OF PRESIDENTIAL AUTHORITY

George Bush is asshole—asshole holding axe—

Machines gone mad—malicious to the max.

He must be stopped—his horror has to halt:

His mayhem mind mistakes as moot as malt.
CONGRESSIONAL COMMITTEES/CONGRESSIONAL SLOWNESS
DIVORCE
CLONING
GLASS
SOUTHERN RED SOILS

Sick Southern soil’s red with cracking clay:

Infertile fields growing only hay.

Organic matter gives nutrition back;

Makes farming friendly; furrows, bankbooks black.
AIDS

In Muslim countries, AIDS is rarely found;

In Western countries, HIV abounds.

Cold common sense now needs no voodoo hex:

Wear strong protection--or just don't have sex.
FREE TRADE
LACK OF JOB ROTATION
LACK OF INTEREST IN OUTER SPACE
MEAN/IRRATIONAL SUPERVISORS

A supervisor shouldn’t be too rash;

But kindness always cowers under cash.

As pay increases, bosses get intense:

Enormous egos soon outweigh their sense.
ENDANGERED SPECIES
TRACT HOUSING
SHOPPING MALLS

A strip mall shouts—illuminates with lash:

An artificial monument to cash.

When will they stop? When will Christ come again?

Security ejects all Homeless men.
LARGE FARMS AND ESTATES
PREJUDICE
GROUNDWATER OVERUSE

Groundwater grabbers grip the glassy gold;

In Western States, now every drop is sold.

In Arizona, California’s South,

Folks face the sky and cry with open mouth.
RIPARIAN DESTRUCTION
REAL ESTATE SPECULATION

A poker game (with property as chips)

Makes millionaires as sterling silver sips.

Such slumlord, landlords wield whacky whips:

Their profits soar as upkeep drops and dips.
INFERIOR CRAFTSMANSHIP
MODERN ARCHITECTURE
HOSPITALS
BIG BUSINESS
LACK OF "HABITUAL" READERS

In olden days, most subway riders took

A heavy paper, magazine, or book.

These days, a rider listens to CDs;

Or sits there stoic, sleeping in the breeze.
FOOD ADDITIVES
INADEQUATE WELFARE

They take my food stamps, give Bill Gates more gold;

Then leave the Homeless freezing in the cold.

Some families sit starving in the rain:

Afraid of Bush—not one will dare complain.
INADEQUATE PUBLIC HOUSING

Construction companies still build and build

Huge houses with the latest thrills and frills.

Such monster mansions few folks can afford:

The needs of most are frequently ignored.
UNWED MOTHERS
INERT LIBERALS

George Bush is Hitler—Hitler of our age—

But Liberals (who win a wallet’s wage),

Refusing to attack Satanic sons,

Bow-down to bullies, Bush, and Satan’s guns.
CHILD ABUSE
XENOPHOBIA
WEAK MINORITY PARTIES
BLACKTOP PAVING
BAD VENTILATION
LACK OF PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION
WHOLESALE PRACTICES
DIRTY FACTORIES
CORPORATE WELFARE
RUST

Red iron oxide--ruddy, rabid rust--

Makes metals messy, businesses go bust.

A drop of oil (or an alloy mix)

Prevents a painful (and expensive) fix.
A little oxide on slick shiny steel

Makes molecules many metal meals.

A little oil (or an alloy mix)

Prevents pit problems or financial fix.
RUDENESS
DAMS, LEVEES, SPILLWAYS
LIVESTOCK POLLUTION

Enormous feed lots lice and locusts lure;

Malicious moos make mountains of manure;

Intoxicate Nebraska, Iowa;

And many more in mid-America.
CONSUMER CREDIT

From foods to Frisbees, furs to furniture:

Consumer credit cons the country’s cure.

Monopoly—fake money’s wedding rice:

Why carry cash if credit can suffice?
TAX CHEATS
UNEMPLOYMENT
HOMELESSNESS
FALSE OR BANAL ADVERTIZING

An ad announces, pushes product’s pride;

Yet hidden defects from announcements hide.

No ads are needed for the topmost choice:

Ferrari, Maserati, Rolls Royce.
AGGRESSIVE/DISHONEST SALESMEN
CORRUPTION

The Capitol is carved on capital:

Cold capital’s a politician’s pal.

Addictive silver—opiates that sing—

Hard heroin (hard currency) is king.
MEDICAL COSTS
TOO MUCH OVERTIME
PHARMACIES/PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES
SPIES
PORNOGRAPHY
WEAK LABOR UNIONS
MEDIA CENSORSHIP

Broadcasting stations take a Right-Wing slant;

Consumers hear crass censorship and cant.

Why do they lie? Why won’t they speak the truth?

Big billions bribe with handouts and vermouth.
UNWANTED SURVEILANCE
ATOMIC WASTE
WEALTHY, LAZY SENIORS
"FRONTING"/TOO MUCH INVENTORY/ TOO MANY CHOICES
LOW TAXES
MONOCULTURE/"STRAIGHT CROPPING"
LACK OF CLASSICAL MONUMENTS
LACK OF INTERCHANGABLE MACHINE PARTS
WOMEN’S “LIBERATION”
OUTDOOR LIGHTING
THIN WIRES

Thin wires break, come loose, or vibrate off;

Consumers cry as salespeople scoff.

Cheap wires ruin expensive merchandise;

Soft solder splits as circuits fry like rice.
TRAFFIC SIGNALS
INSURANCE COMPANIES
CITY PARKING
POLICE ADDITUDES

Bush Pigs (police)—Gestapo from the Right:

Prepared to push, prepared to poke and fight.

Protecting pride, producing poor man’s pains:

Brutality beyond their badger brains.
“CONVENIENCE STORES”
LACK OF CIVIL LIBERTIES -
GRAVEYARDS

A cemetery seems such wasted space:

Rich real estate with greenery and grace.

Such solemn stages! Where no children play!

Cold crypts and graveyards—growing day-by-day.
LOW INTEREST RATES

Low interest rates encourage reckless sales:

Spent suckers spend as banks lend bucks in bales.

Delicious dollars drain from camel’s humps;

Skyrockets spending of dunce Donald Trumps.
EMFs
LAWYERS
GOLF COURSES
CHLORINE

Chlorine (the gas that’s used in witless war)

Is used to clean, to disinfect—and more.

It makes waste water cloudless, crystal-clear;

But cannot filter sediments—or fear.
JUNK MAIL
STANDARD MEASURE

The Metric System—Simple Simon zen:

With weights and measures based on number ten.

Efficient, easy in straightforward styles:

No feet or furlongs, fathoms, mils, or miles.
RANCHING
ALTERNATING CURRENT
TIRES
FENCING

“Good fences make good neighbors” Frost decreed;

But Frost was wealthy, Frost owned property.

Two parallels enclose a citadel”

They fence-in heathens in their heartless Hell.
PIGS

Incarcerated in a putrid pen,

Pugnacious piglets—proud as Hooter’s hen.

Des Moines is doomsday for the squealing sows:

Nebraska nitrates pack plugged pigs with pows.
LACK OF GARDENS
ASBESTOS

Asbestos cancer causes granny gripes

From mines, from rooftops, insulation, pipes;

A fibrous rock that lands in lungs of those

In iron lungs and cemetery rows.
CIGARETTES

Tobacco’s torture termite to the top:

Impossible to secret, slow, or stop.

Depressing dufus rags a drag on fags:

As iron lungs and sweet sensations sags.
LACK OF CAR-POOLING
INSECT SPRAYS
PICK-UP TRUCKS, SUVs
ROMANTIC DATING
SCHOOL GRADES
EXPENSIVE RECREATION
AGGRESSIVE CHILDREN

Aggressive children crowd the school yard:

Increasing insults, making playing hard.

Bold burring bastards burn as steel welds:

Such human garbage need to be expelled.
WOODEN SIDING
BRIDGES
NEPOTISM

Rich relatives are hired on the spot

As resumes and applications rot.

Pa’s mafia then runs the factories;

Excluding blacks and all minorities.
TREATMENT OF FOREIGNERS
RAILROAD, HIGHWAY RIGHT-OF-WAYS
SCHOOL BUS SEATS
"DEATH ROW"
DRY CLEANING
AIR CONDITIONERS/REFRIGERATION
CERTAIN BORING TV PROGRAMS

All action scripts should seem so crystal-clear:

Emotion’s close-ups--back-lit from the rear;

With wipes and swirls, fade-ins, fade-to-blacks:

Artistic ardor’s aphrodisiac.
FEW PRESIDENTIAL PRESS CONFERENCES
EXPENSIVE HOTELS/MOTELS
SECURITY SYSTEMS
PENNIES
X-RAYS
BUREAUCRACY
DISPOSABLE DIAPERS

Disposable (doo) diapers drape your dear:

A billion diapers dumped-down every year.

Cloth diaper’s cheap and very practical:

Re-usable and not disposable.
BANKS
DE-ICING SALT

De-icing salt that’s spread on streets and ways

Contaminates our rivers, lakes, and bays.

Fish populations (sensitive to salt)

Diminish quickly, soon are hacked to halt.
SOLDER

Malaysian tin is mixed with waxy lead:

As dangerous as TNT (or Ted).

Cementing solder seals cracks and holes;

Creating cancers black as carbon coals.
GANGS
THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE
GRASS LAWNS

Suburban, urban lawns are wasted land:

(Tradition’s habits—hard to understand).

A twelve-foot section feeds a family’s four;

A rooftop garden feeds full fifty more.
SIDEWALKS
BAD MUSIC

No driving downbeat, rolling rhythm rocks:

The 80s, 90s—sissified as socks.

No words, no melody, no harmony:

Most modern music—meaningless to me.
MINI SWITCHES
DC BATTERIES

Expensive, heavy—dangerous to use—

Too inefficient, batteries bring blues.

(Their wattage weakens as the winter comes:

Sulfuric spitting spouts corrosive scums).
VEHICLE EXHAUST SYSTEMS

Exhausts are made to silence spitting sounds;

But heavy steel soon turns red and brown.

As steel rusts, rough mufflers soon fall-off:

Consumers curse—go crying with a cough.
FEW FLEA MARKETS (SWAP MEETS)

Flea markets (swap meets) make small business bread:

A business doesn’t need much overhead.

Buy tiny trinkets, games, or gingerbread;

Or even horses (though not thoroughbreds).
WALL-TO-WALL CARPETING

Cold carpeting from Carolina looms

Runs in Ron’s romper and rough rumpus rooms.

Collecting cooties ground-in fiber’s flock,

A vacuum can’t clean crud or custard crock.
BAD DOGS
COMMERCIAL RADIO

No meat, no manners—filled with feathers, fluff—

Commercial broadcasts—superficial stuff.

With symphonies and knowledge you should know,

There’s so much more on public radio.
FEW PARTIES/CELEBRATIONS

Parades and parties, celebrations, balls;

Festivities are few in homes or halls.

Americans don’t share their happiness;

Make money more, life’s leisure seem the less.
"DOUBLE DIPPING"
EXPENSIVE RESTAURANTS
HOT WATER HEATERS

Hot water heaters waste a lot of space;

Waste pipes and plumbing, cash costs by the case.

A tiny heater on the faucet’s front

Can save you silver (and a grumpy grunt).
LACK OF PASSENGER BOATS
"CLEAR CUTTING"

Clear-cutting forests for big boards that build

Erodes the land as animals are killed.

Instead of squares, cut forests straight across

(In narrow strips that fires cannot cross).
WATER PUMPS

High heat and pressure push impellers out;

Corrosive oxides rip and rust and rout.

Aluminum is soft—too soft to seal;

Use manganese in nickel-plated steel.
RAILROAD TRACKS/"SLEEPERS"

The tracks and sleepers of all railroads

Must bear the brunt of heavy-hitting loads.

A train can weigh some 20 million pounds:

Split sleepers suffer as the product pounds.
WHITE BREAD

White bread is bloated—blown with bubbled air—

Nutrition’s none—but no one seems to care.

While whole wheat bread is beefy to the bowel,

Fantastic fiber’s fit for flying fowl.
CHAIRS

At home and work, all Arabs sit on knees;

No chairs are needed by the Japanese.

An oriental carpet’s comfortable;

Preventing posture problems, painful pulls.
BLUE JEANS

Blue jeans (white cotton dyed and darkened blue)

Can shrink or split, then tear tough tushes too.

Too bulky, heavy, hard to wear when wet;

Expensive fabric drives your daughter's debt.
THE STOCK MARKET
STORM SEWERS
HOUSE PAINTING
BARS, TAVERNS
WOODEN WINDOWS
TRADE APPRENTICESHIP PRACTICES
“HOMELAND SECURITY”
BIG-CITY AIRPORTS

Live lively music should resound, rebound;

Put art on walls, put playgrounds all around.

Why not put couches, turn the lights down low?

Then rest, relax, recline, and watch folks go....
RELIGIOUS CHARITIES
AUTO RACING

The people's pastime packs the hoi poloi:

Hard high-speed racing tests their thunder toys.

Commercials, cars careen around the curves:

Too dangerous, too noisy on the nerves.
FIBERBOARD FURNITURE/CABINETS
TOY FIRE-ARMS
OVERUSE OF SURFACTANTS

Surfactants (soaps) are easy to abuse:

Detergent Doris tends to overuse.

Conserve while cleaning—take this careful clue:

Don’t use a truckload when a drop will do.
BOOK (TRADE) PUBLISHERS

A publisher gives authors ten percent

(Then keeps the rest for whores and Rolls rent).

Financial fortune foolish fiction finds;

Sell simple plots for superficial minds.
BROOMS

Outside, a broom can clean-up major trash;

Inside, a broom is total balderdash:

Creating clouds of dust and particles

Which fly as flocks of sooty seashore gulls.
"BEAUTY SHOPS"

A beauty shop’s mechanic for the Mauds:

Fantastic faces fizzled flat as frauds.

While women wait for hair to harden high,

Cosmetic craps coagulate and cry.
ZONING

Restrictive rules, codes, and covenants

Affect all owners, those who pay with rents.

In Mexico (where zoning is much less)

Extreme disorder makes a cluttered mess.
IMPORT/EXPORT PRACTICES
ZOOS
"STANDARDIZED TESTS"
FLAT (CLOTHES) IRONS

Flat irons iron clothes with steam and foam:

Too hot, too hard, too heavy for the home.

If irons fall, they cream a child’s nose;

Or boil buttocks—badger broiling blows.
EMPLOYMENT APPLICATIONS
MINI ELECTRONIC COMPONENTS
PROPANE FORK LIFTS
FRANCHISING
BAD ACCOUNTING PRACTICES
”CEOs”

Just 30 years ago, a CEO

Made 40 times the pay of Average Joe;

An average CEO now makes today

500 times the average worker’s pay.
AMERICAN TOYS
RADON

Rude Radon rays rebounding from the ground

Intrude, resounding with a silent sound.

Inside the house, the rays then change to gas;

Cause carcinomas big as Mamma Cass.
GLASSES

Expensive glasses have such little screws:

I break my frames on every pair I use.

Why not make glasses sturdy, strong, and large

For Seahawk slapshots, stocky Seabee’s sarge.
HAIR DYES

Courageous Clairol’s colors Cutie’s curls;

Change grey to golden, gilds the Golden Girls.

Yet paints and solvents—smelling strong as sprays—

Are said to damage kidneys, said to daze.
TOLL BOOTHS

Jalopies, angry; Lexus lovers, late:

Ensnarled traffic waits at toll-booth gates.

A fast machine could scan a license plate

To track toll users; none would have to wait.
TRACTOR-TRAILER TAILGATES

Truck (tractor-trailer) tails (tall and wide)

All hide the loading dock with high-walled sides.

A pressure-plate (with buzzzers) helps a bit

To warn the driver of a rearward hit.
LEAKY BASEMENTS

Concrete can crack as cellars seep so slow;

Frustration flares as fissures feed the flow.

Build basements beefy—brawny down below;

Don’t dig too deep where water’s not so low.
CHECK CASHING STORES

To cash a paycheck, none should have to pay

While waiting, praying, saying “s’il vous plait.”

A premium on paychecks (or a fee)

Should not be paid by poorer employees.
MOTOR HOMES

Too big, too bulky mammoth motor homes

Extend their tracks as vast St. Peter’s domes.

It bounces Bertha, breaks Bernards that bark;

In cities, towns—impossible to park.
CONTESTS/PRIZES

Olympic contests show a clear-cut win;

But judging artists starts subjective spin.

Opinions matter more to those who sin:

Cads with connections usually will win.
COLLEGE ADMISSIONS

Some silvered students stride with wallets, paid;

While other students seek financial aid.

Applying for a loan (with little cheer);

I then went homeless all my senior year.
GERRYMANDERING
SPANKING

A punishment too physical and harsh

Makes morals moot, mistakes more muddy marsh.

With sense (not strictness) by persuasion preach:

Without white anger, by example teach.
CONSTRUCTION SCAFFOLDING
BREAKFAST CEREALS

Now mostly sugar, breakfast cereal

Is frosted at the factory or mill.

Bad breakfast bars are bursting Bertha’s bane:

An ounce of grain, a ton of sugar cane.
ROOF FLASHINGS

Lead flashings fastened ‘round the roofing vent

Retard rough raindrops as the sewer’s spent.

But small amounts of lead may come to ground,

Polluting garden, soils all around.
CARBURETORS

Venturi’s vortex vacuums volatiles:

A carburetor chews as crocodiles.

Too many motions—mixed with puny parts—-

Complex in crud, too hard to take apart.
METAL FILE CABINETS

Most metal file cabinets are too big

(As heavy as a tractor-trailer rig).

Corroding, rusting--rugs beneath them rip--

With open drawers, the cabinets sometimes tip.
WATER-PUMP FIRE EXTINGUISHERS

Extinguishers should put a fire out,

Not leave the spout still sputtering in doubt.

Low-pressure water cannot do as well

As CO2 or Halon’s endless well.
SCHOOL CHEATING
ADDRESS SIGNS
UMBRELLAS
BULLIES

Obnoxious bullies bull their way through school

While principals ignore the Golden Rule.

An evil bully—prostrate on the sod—

May find a fist the punishment of G-d.
TELEMARKETING

A Dumbo dufus dials-up your phone:

Promoting, peddling in a thunder tone.

Is Dumbo deaf? Should I use bigger font?

He sells slow products no one needs or wants.
HANDICAPPED SPACES

In crowded cities, busy boulevards,

A parking place is rare as polished sards.

An open spot that keeps the ants amused:

An empty space that’s rarely ever used.
LOITERING LAWS

A Homeless man—content to sleep and sing—

Is soon arrested for long loitering.

Ironically, the prison system pays

Free rent for runaways and stowaways.
DEEP FRY COOKING

Steamed soybean oil broils on a grill:

It spatters, sputters, sprays, and sometimes—spills.

Dumb deep-fry cooking’s temperature’s too high;

Unsafe, unhealthy for the average guy.
FLUORESCENT LIGHTING

Fluorescent fixtures—fragile, hard-to-fix:

To change a light bulb, you’ll do circus tricks.

But in the long run, they run cool, cheap:

In energy, you’ll save a quantum leap.
FALSE CHRISTMAS CHEER

Enormous egos decorate a tree,

Then wrap wide presents for the rich to see.

As Homeless Harry’s hidden in the snow….

Now, who knows Jesus? No one seems to know.
EXCESSIVE CLEANLINESS

Prodigious polish wets white walks with wax:

Meticulous mall mops machine to max.

Befuddled bubbles burst as lathers lurk:

Excessive cleaning wastes a lot of work.
LACK OF “HIPPIE” COMMUNES

True 1960s Hippies had the sun,

Religion, recreation, real fun;

“Intentional communities” today

Are stoic, stale, gloomy—growing grey.
ZIPPERS

At YKK in Northbrook, Illinois,

They zip your zippers made for babe and boy.

But when they’re zonked, zapped zippers can get stuck;

They’re stupid, useless as dumb Donald Duck.
CAR WASHES

Car washers waste good water, soap, and spritz;

To pimp their auto proud as Walton’s wits.

Pollution products pack pest pipes with pain:

Detergent, oil dumped right down the drain
TIRE-CHANGING MACHINES

A Bishman changer breaks big beads on wheels:

An iron hook revolves around the steel.

The tire’s off, another tire’s on…

As dangerous to use as battle bombs.
WAITRESSES
WATER TOILETS

Sir Thomas Crapper carved the toilet bowl

For dumping doo—for feces from your hole.

The time has come to make a better bowl

For bum or banker; deadbeat, drunk—or Dole.
CHEWING TOBACCO

Crass cowboys cough and grind gross gummy glue;

Chew Copenhagen, Red Man, Skoal like stew.

Slopped smokeless spit is spat on down to ground:

Like locusts, lips are dripping down with brown.
NAIL POLISH

Now nail polish feeds fantastic feet,

But virile vapors stronger than concrete

Intoxicate those innocents nearby

With thinners, driers crying to the sky.
"CHAT ROOMS"

Too many “chat rooms” suffer from abuse;

But many more now suffer from disuse:

Too many “chat rooms”—too much empty air:

What good are chat rooms if no one is there?
PULITZER “PRIZES”

A prize is given to a well-known name

(Already wealthy, full of fur-lined fame).

But what of others hidden in the soup

Outside of limo’s lacquered Lexus loop?
LACK OF BICYCLE PATHS

Big money mazes—mayhem for the mass—

Concrete and blacktops to let people pass.

Big trucks and trailers will not let you rest:

To ride a bike—impossible at best.
AUTO JACKS

The bumper jack (or screw jack) takes too long:

To raise a car, you’ll sing symphonic song.

For women, weakling, bumper jacks have hurts:

Hydraulic jacks save space and strength—and shirts.
SHOPPING CARTS

Sick shopping carts are crass and cumbersome:

Too high, too heavy, hard to hold for some.

At Aldi, carts are soft and short and small:

They’re better on your bumper and their wall.
VENDING MACHINES

You drop your coin—the mad machine must chew:

You pound the glass; your back is turning blue:

Bad bellcranks, pulleys, wheels, weighers fail

While whipped and waxed, all waiting walkers wail.
PRODUCE DATING

Deceptive dairies sell post-dated milk:

Dishonesty is royal-wrapped in silk.

No cops control the cartons shipped or sold:

Rebottled milk is sour-powered, old.
HEAVY NEWSPAPERS

Newspapers make more money from their ads

Promoting, pimping fashions, freaks, and fads.

Within press pages, news is censored clean:

No Communists, no Socialists are seen.
"MOUNTAIN DEW"

Cocaine and coffee, colas call the crowd;

While “Mountain Dew” delights to laugh out loud.

Such stimulation sleepy sobers seek:

Whipped, whiplashed workers waste the working weak.
CRUISE SHIPS
STYROFOAM CUPS

Too pliable—and not reliable:

Thin insulation—fairly friable.

Such plastic cups collapse within your hand;

Environmental garbage litters land.
ARTIFICIAL SWEETENERS
SILVER DENTAL FILINGS

A silver filling’s temporary fix:

It fails, falls as toothpick sticks of hicks.

An alloy filling (genuine with gold)

Is harder, safer—never growing old.
AIRPORT SEATS

An airport seat is made uncomfortable

As prison benches or a window sill.

The Homeless man deliberately is spurned;

Executives and hobos both are burned.
JOHN DEERE TRACTORS

Jinxed John Deere tractors stumble, rumble loud;

Confining cabs are cramped as chicken crowds.

Kubota tractors (made in mid-Japan)

Are slick as silk, as smooth as Tammy’s tans.
SNOWMOBILES

Swift snowmobiles scream across the snow:

But hardly glimpse the goshawk as they go

Across the lake, too heavy for the ice,

The snowmobile sinks like loaded dice.
ICE CREAM

In foreign countries, ice cream’s sold as fresh;

Has parasites as hard as Hitler’s Hess.

America sells ice cream much too old;

With chemicals to mack Maud’s month-old mold.
MATRESSES

Unwieldy, too heavy, hard-to-clean:

A massive mattress makes a mover mean.

Light foam air bags—much better for the crowd:

Air-cushioned comfort’s sleeping on a cloud.
HACKERS
LOW INTEREST RATES
HORIZONTAL BLINDS, SHADES

Venetian blinds—as crazed as mental wards:

Entangled, snarled with confusing cords.

Droll drooping drawstrings, dusty drapery

Contorts in coils, twists in tragedy.
GREYHOUND BUSES

When Trailways went bankrupt, Greyhound grew;

Then charged to choke us as fast fortunes flew.

Expensive seats are comfortable and plush

(In Mexico, you’d pay one-tenth as much).
FEW CORALS

Warm, crystal waters filled with sun and light

Create bright corals when the water’s right.

Kaleidoscopic corals stay alive

In secret shoals, where only some survive.
SANITARY NAPKINS

Absorbent cotton catches menstrual flow:

Discarded, dumped down in the dumpster goes.

Tough treasured tampons; panties; pampered pads:

Gross greed grows garbage from femme’s fashion fads.
ALUMINUM WINDOW SCREENS

Aluminum—an oxide from the screens—

Enshrouds the windows mean as wolverines.

White-coated windows start some stars to scoff:

Abrasive pumice pushes powder off.
GREETING CARDS

A greeting card sells sentimental verse

Without whipped satire or sardonic curse.

Waxed Walgreen’s wit sits waiting at the mart:

Another writer says what’s in your heart.
"DOUBLE CLUTCHING"

A trucker told me (proud as Pappy’s pup)

“I never use the clutch when shifting up

Too many gears! Too many highs and lows!”

So what’s a clutch for? Only Heaven knows!
MOTORBOAT TRANSOMS

The transom of a motorboat (its back)

Is wide as Whimpy, short as Rooney’s rack.

A taller transom in a heavy sea

Makes trips to leeward much more easily.
The back of boats should taper to a point:

As high as Hendrix, jacked as Jerry’s joint.

A double-ender, dory, or canoe

Is stable, smooth when white-capped oceans stew.
SKI LIFTS
KENNELS

Abusive kennels have so little space

For dogs to run, for cats to prance and pace.

Confining creatures in a clammy cage,

Confusing kennels seem Stravinsky’s stage.
"BASS BOATS"
BELT SANDERS

Soprano sanders squeal whining winds;

Particulates, packed pumice, garnet grinds.

Destructive dusting bathes beaned bloody blokes;

A strident scream surrounds small shops with smokes.
ALTIMETERS

Altimeters (barometers in truth):

Unsteady drunks with tonic and vermouth

With coming storms, internal springs or stops

May twist the needle ‘till the tension pops.
TOP-LOADING CLOTHES WASHERS

Top-loading washers crush, compact, crease clothes;

Turn spots to streaks, beat blue jeans black with blows.

Say, if you’re in an empty neighborhood,

A garbage can and plunger’s just as good.
"BEAUTY CONTESTS"

A beauty contest caters to the crowd:

Where sense is silent, looks are laughing loud.

But better beauty matter more than marts:

No judge for morals, honesty—or heart.
DISHWASHERS

Commercial models used in restaurants

With steam so seem a haunted horror haunt.

In wasting water, work, and energy;

They still leave spots that customers can see.
DEODORANTS

A special substance stops skin sweat and stick;

Yet blocks the pores, perhaps can make you sick.

Perfume is better than deodorant;

With soap you’ll get as clean as Cary Grant.
PLUMBING SNAKES
FLASHLIGHT BULBS

The flashlight bulb has fragile filaments:

Not hard as Eastwood (Dirty Harry’s Clint).

The tiny bulb (like bigger batteries)

Needs longer life for fast emergencies.
"SCOTCH TAPE"

Too temporary, not too tested tough:

Scotch tape’s a sissy when the tough are rough.

“Enough of lightweights!” secretaries scoff:

It yellows, peels, then (at last) falls off.
BRASSIERES/GIRDLES/CORSETS

Big bras bear bosoms, bind the breasted bunch

Now lifting loads at leisure or at lunch.

Too hot, too heavy, lacking liberties:

Unhooking slowly in emergencies.
"MARTIAL ARTS"
SYSTEMS TEACHERS/WRITERS

Jive gibberish jumps-out from jargoned jaws:

Their teaching’s tough—parades proud panther’s paws.

Contorted codes create confusing crud:

Concise and clean be—not cow cuds in muds.
FOOTBALL

Pressed, posh in padding, players hardly move:

Fall football fails in the grunting groove.

Too slow, sporadic, rules too complex;

A sport too forceful for the femmie sex.
PACKAGED FRUIT

Greengrocers package produce—plastic pack—

Though vegetables turn slowly brown or black.

Inside the plastic, produce wears a suit

To hide the sad side of rough, rotten fruit.
NO AUGUST HOLIDAY

For two long months, few workers get a break:

July the Fourth to Labor Day, they bake.

In sultry summer, sweating sour shops

Should get a day—a holiday for hops.
EXOTIC DANCING CLUBS
THE FARM BUREAU
"FITNESS CENTERS"

Fun fitness centers tease the tinseled tush:

For Betty Boop babes, billionaires, and Bush.

Work-out with work (and though this may sound strange)

You’ll build your body, make some pocket change.
PENCILS

Pugnacious pencils—pressured at the point—

Are brittle, fragile, jerking at the joint.

A pencil’s top—to bevel broken burrs—

Beneath erasers should have sharpeners.
COLEMAN STOVES/LANTERNS

A Coleman stove needs gasoline to light:

You pump and box it—fuel Frasier’s fight.

Too heavy, bulky, difficult to use:

Expensive stoves are easy to abuse.
SIGNODE BANDERS

Slow Signode staplers stretching steel straps

Can break or botch and lacerate your laps.

Too cumbersome and clumsy, Signode pliers

Protrude and pinch the hardboy that you hired.
"CALLING CARDS"

”Three cents a minute” is the stated rate;

But hidden charges add dishonest weight:

Gross greed’s a gain, but honesty’s a loss:

A sirloin strip steak stewed in sour sauce.
AUTOMATIC COFFEE MAKERS

A coffee maker boils blackest brew

But once neglected, brew can brew to stew.

High temperatures then turn too dangerous,

Cause cracking glass; a steaming, spitting hiss.
CELEBRITY PROMOTIONS

Celebrity promotions prod and pimp

No talent whimps who wallow, walk, and limp.

McMahon made millions starring on “Star Search”

But many more missed millions in the learch.
USMC TRAINING
RARE EARTHS

Jay Leno, Seinfeld never talk of them;

They’re never mentioned by Dave Letterman.

Unseen and silent, Rare Earths can (of course)

Explode with violence—with atomic force.
JAMA

Jalopy JAMA jargons foggy facts:

Its mumbo-jumbo—topsy-turvy tacks.

Confusing as spaghetti in a bowl:

As difficult (as hard) as Robert Dole.
THE MANN ACT
SILICONE IMPLANTS

Enormous hooters (pumped by silicone)

Tyrannosaurus tits on bronto bones

Deflate and rupture—sending silly gel

To heart and head. Say, are you feeling well?
BOAT LAUNCHING-RAMPS

A launching ramp (where motorboats are launched)

Can break your boat or hurt ham’s heavy haunch.

Wrought railings, ropes, and perforated brick

Increase top traction where the bottom’s slick.
MEN'S TIES

Long ties (or bowties)—useless, floppy, flared—

Uncomfortable for fashion’s formal wear.

Too time-consuming, hot in clammy climes;

A waste of money—and a waste of time.
CHIMNEYS

In olde Great Britain and in German homes,

A chimney’s high as latitudes in Nome;

But chimneys here turn black as bongo blokes:

Too low for blows, they toke and choke and smoke.
CHEWING GUM

Popped chewing gum is innocent enough:

Delicious dewdrops of some sugared stuff;

But when it falls on carpets from Iran,

It ruins the riches of poor Persia’s man.
UPRIGHT VACUUM CLEANERS

A vacuum cleaner should be short and low:

It helps to clean wherever you may go:

Near walls and windows, under desks and drapes;

Around the attic, sweeping slip-shod space.
TRAVELLING CARNIVALS

The calling carney sneers at sucker’s smile:

Gross games are rigged (he knows it all the while).

It takes a mint to pop a big balloon:

Crass carnivals are thrilled with tinseled tunes.
"IVY LEAGUE" SCHOOLS

At Harvard, Yale, Rutgers (Stanford, too)

Corruption calls the crassest cash-cow crew.

In education, ego’s gold is guide:

Professors pad posh platinum-plated pride.
MEDICAL SCHOOLS
SUNTAN LOTIONS

Some suntan lotion’s made from coconut

For Baby Bertha’s big ballooning butt.

But broiling oils—strong as royal rum—

Extend on pools—streak an oily scum.
SHOELACES

Shoelaces stretch and slip and split and snap;

While walking, wandering, laces lag a lap.

How inefficient! Bothersome! A bore!

Unknotting knots can really make me sore!
BRIEFCASES/SUITCASES

A briefcase, suitcase strains the open fist;

Puts too much tension on the hand and wrist.

A backpack, knapsack centralizes weight:

It frees your hands, and never makes you late.
FORTUNE TELLERS
TREE "TOPPING"/TRIMMING

Tree topping (trimming) cuts the tops of trees:

Controlling crowns, but hastening disease.

In crowded cities, trees can’t spread their arms:

Pinched, prodded, pruned, hard-hit by hacksaw harms.
PANTYHOSE

Posh pantyhose are difficult to wear:

They bag and sag, they run and rip and tear.

They cannot follow all a woman’s curves

As darlings dance, as sweetness swings and swerves.
BAROMETERS

Barometers show pressure of the air:

When it may rain, when it could clear to fair.

But springs or needles often stick or slack:

Inaccurate as Franklin’s Almanac.
"MUZAK"

Moot Muzak music murders melody:

Mute masses move so smooth, hypnotically.

No bass, no banging, no rough rock-and-roll:

Seductive sugar—friendly as a foal.
LUXURY RESORTS

On Sanibel, on Biscayne Bay-bee’s beach;

Deluxe dementos luxuriate as leech.

Tuxedo tropics—ties-and-tails Ted—

Rebozo Bozos—better-off in bed.
FLAG-WAVING HYPOCRITES

Flag-waving faggots—fools who fly the flag—

Parade their pride, make many Muslims mad.

The stars-and-stripes—all streaked with blood of state:

A symbol of oppression—hardened hate.
EXPENSIVE CHEESE

Expensive cheese is made from cheaper milk,

Yet costs as much per pound as China silk.

But cheese production has so little ease:

Eight pounds of milk makes just one pound of cheese.
HIGH HEELED SHOES

High-heeled shoes are worn for fashion’s flair;

So why not buy or wear a princess pair?

They’re tight, they’re tipsy—torture on the track:

Too hard on heels, buttocks, and the back.
MASCARA

Deluxe mascara makes small lashes long:

Short silent stageplays seem symphonic song.

Luxurious, long lashes love to leer:

Yet in short seconds, spot and streak and smear.
POTTED PLANTS

Most office plants are fed in drips and drops;

Producing puckers, pesky paltry pops.

Neglected plants accumulate some salts:

They dry distending as soft water halts.
VIOLINS

No note bars (stops) to check the key you’re in:

Beginners blunder on the violin.

Why not make note bars so the student learns?

Then play like Isaac (no, not Howard) Stern.
FRENCH HORNS

In convolutions—coiled corkscrew curls—

Befuddled brasses spiral winding whorls.

But French horn hooters have to hack to hoot:

Frustration fudges, muffles Mozart mute.
EMBASSIES

Our Embassies manipulate the Mass:

Poor people push, but few allowed to pass.

Enslaved by egos, US Embassies:

A symbol of harsh hate and bigotry.
ROCK CANDY/"JUJUBEES"

Hard candy chewies—Pez or Jujubees—

Grind-down the teeth—they torture by degrees.

White sugar sucks (you want to know the truth?);

Rock candy breaks your diet and your tooth.
PAJAMAS

Why wear pajamas? Put your night in noose?

Nice nightgowns, nightshirts have so little use.

Without a nightgown or harsh heavy hose,

It’s comfortable to sleep without your clothes.
HORSE SADDLES

A leather saddle is a heavy load;

Makes mares more meek, swift stalwart stallions slowed.

A plastic saddle (or an air-filled chair)

Will make bro Bonos comfortable as Cher.
TIPPING

A working waitress rarely shares her tips

With bloke or busboy without lipsticked lips.

A customer who’s hypnotized by curves

Is urged to give much more than she deserves.
UNITED PARCEL SERVICE

United Parcel Service is a fraud:

As courteous as Bea (big buttocked Maud).

Aggressive drives rarely stop or slow:

Pugnacious packers grumbling, grouchy go.
BABYSITTERS/NANNIES

Bad babysitters—brighter than a bomb—

Cannot replace experience of Mom:

Psychology with household harmony

Should be the standard in emergencies.
SCUBA TANK "J-VALVES"

A scuba diver carries on his back

Explosive power in a pressured pack.

A faulty J-valve violently explodes:

Compression’s crapping as the tank unloads.
SHORT HAIR CUTS

Crass crew cuts, chop-tops—haircuts that say “Heil!”

High sidewalls cut in military style

Make men more morons—Mickey Mousey, mutt;

Conservative in conscience, creed—and cut.
"AIR FRESHENERS"

Air fresheners don’t freshen any air;

Don’t clean or filter trick of Tony Blair.

They mask all odors, sprays, and solvent fumes

In kitchens, hallways, beds, and other rooms.
SECRETARIES

The Secretary—show dog of the plant—

So struts and strides—as brainless as an ant.

With watered work, with too much liberty:

Moronic men can type as well as she.
TIME ZONES

In Indiana, Michigan—and more,

Tough time zones zig-zag—cut through counties’ core.

Why not make time zones logical and straight

To follow sense—the boundaries of each state?
“HYDRAULICING”

“Hydraulicing” is mining with a hose:

Fast water’s sprayed on river banks in blows;

To get good gold, the river bank is ruined:

Erosion grows as brownish bunk balloons.
PUNTS

Indented punts upon a bottle’s butt

(Upon the bottom in a rounded rut)

Deceive consumers who will rarely see

Deceptive dents designed so daintily.
"CHICKEN FIGHTS"

Where four boys fight, two boys on top (as toys)

Upon the shoulders of the other boys:

Bad boys bear boxing—beating back by blasts—

To see who wins—who’s standing long at last.
"TUSHIE BOMBS"/"SPITBALLS"

Before the days of dazzling CD-ROMS,

Delinquent deadheads threw tough tushie bombs

At classroom ceilings where the dropouts dared;

As stupid spitballs sailed through the air.
PAY TOILETS

Pay toilets ask for pauper’s pocket change:

What’s wrong with that? And how can that seem strange?

Some folks are broke; some carry cards (not cash);

On bathroom floors dump diarrhea’s mash.
BEECHCRAFT BONANZAS

Bonanzas (Beechcraft)—built for billionaires—

Behave as beauties in the calmest airs.

But inside storms, they sway so stupidly:

”T tails” sail better than a “V”.
"PROFESSIONAL" WRESTLING

Professionals (all amateurs, in fact)

All romp and wrestle in a playful pack.

Fake fights seem real in the public’s eyes:

But wrestles are all actors in disguise.
PREP SCHOOLS

Prep school shoeshines—Kennedy or Bush—

Trade tests for trillions, taste their tinseled tush.

What’s in a name? Hard hollow hackneyed fame:

Immoral mischief is the preppie’s game.
BELTS/SUSPENDERS

Antique suspenders (worn by Larry King):

Are old and ancient as a Ragtime swing.

A belt is useless for the beefy butt:

Its tension twists live Larry King (dead Tut).
"GREEN BEER"

Green beer is beer that’s bought before its time:

(Not Moctezuma, Pilsner from the Rhine),

Budweiser’s brewed much quicker than a match:

10,000 gallons in a single batch.
THE RAILROAD RETIREMENT BOARD
WOMEN’S PURSES

As tiresome—as heavy as a hearse—

Cosmetic queens pack-full their platinum purse.

Though pocket’s small and smaller wallet’s worse;

Pickpockets pick proud products of a purse.
STAPLERS

Stiff steel staples rust and rip and winch:

Proud paper clips are painless as a pinch;

Can couple cardboard to the kitchen door;

May mate, unmate a million times—or more.
ACTUARIES

An actuary makes statistics long:

Too dry, too dirge-like—as a deadman’s song.

Insurance companies use long legalese:

Ignoring love and personalities.
"BARF BAGS"

Few folks get sick—few folks now vomit loud

While up in airplanes with the laughing crowd.

So why put barf bags right in front of seats

While folks are feasting and enjoying eats?
HANDKERCHIEFS

I’d like to mention one small useless rag

That sits in pockets and your pocketbag

Collecting creatures tinier than tikes:

Bacteria, amoebas (and the like).
KITE INSTRUCTIONS

Directions printed on a paper kite

Confuse the conscience, frustrate freedom’s flight.

Explain in steps with nothing hard or hid:

Instructions should be simple as a kid.
QUANTUM MECHANICS TEACHERS

Atomic theory should be pleasured, plain—

Not painful, baneful like a raging rain.

So speak like Seinfeld (not like Hoover’s hearse)

When teaching, preaching of the universe.
THIN TOILET PAPER

Thin toilet tissue tears at trembling touch:

Most men manhandle--madden many much--

Frustration forces fighting from the fool:

Impatient Packers tear and twist and pull.
SAILBOAT KEELS

A heavy keel helps stability;

Stability, however, isn’t free:

In shoals, in shallows, keels can get stuck;

In scummy swamps, in moot or muddy muck.

STOP THE WAR IN IRAQ! by S. Wyler 3

From Nursing Homes, from wheelchairs, they cry:

Republicans are cowards till they die.

White War-Hawks wail Devil's dark demands:

There's too much blood on Mr. Bush's hands.

"Attack Iraq!" Republicans all rave:

They dance around tall tombstones and their graves.

"More motor oil!" mother-truckers moan:

"Good gasoline!" gross greedy guzzlers groan.

Pricks pump packed pools--putrid petrol pitch--

Crude crud as black as Bush's barback bitch.

"Keep flaming, flowing!" Furnaces are full:

Bush bastards blow big buttocks bursting bull.

Applause now deafens 'round the Saudi's tent:

The price of oil drops another cent.

Tom Brokaw bubbles as brown bodies burn:

Bush ballerinas twist another turn.

Bush baseball brightens, whitens white like bleach:

Top toothpaste twinkles, sparkles silver speech.

The Media gives-in to Bush's lies:

Another Mom, another baby dies.

Wolves watch TV as terror rips the skies:

Americans are deaf to children's cries.

Mad Malls are open as slick shoppers smile:

Big bankers bloat as bodies break with bile.

Black, bloated bodies burn the poltergeist:

Put down your gun and follow Jesus Christ!

High Heaven's heaving as low Lexus liars:

Horizon's horrors flaming furnace fires.

White lightning strikes as thunder tracks in white:

Bush bathes in brilliance as the footloose fight.

Too tired, tuckered, rolling rich in wrath:

Bush takes a shower, never takes a Ba'th.

Ba'th Socialists now stand upon the brink:

Ba'th Socialists are greater than you think.

Ba'th Socialists promote an honest peace:

Ba'th Socialists make Party peace increase.

Ba'th Socialists support the Party line:

Ba'th Socialists are always doing fine.

Ba'th Socialists take pompous pride away:

Ba'th Socialists want wealth to stay away.

Ba'th Socialists seize silver, greed, and gold:

Ba'th Socialists now join in Freedom's fold.

Ba'th Socialists support the cool Chinese;

Ba'th Socialists now bathe in Basra's breeze.

Ba'th Socialists support the Russian's right:

Ba'th Socialists can understand their plight.

Ba'th Socialists see Russians in a rut;

Ba'th Socialists see North Korea cut.

Ba'th Socialists see North Korea poor;

Ba'th Socialists know knowledge is the cure.

Ba'th Socialists accept the honest Jew:

Ba'th Socialists are just like me and you.

Ba'th Socialists are wise to Bush's game:

Ba'th Socialists bring Bernie Sanders fame.

Ba'th Socialists--accustomed to all acts--

Ba'th Socialists now realize the facts.

Ba'th Socialists all see a sad Saddam:

Ba'th Socialists survive with proud aplomb.

Ba'th Socialists reluctantly must change:

Ba'th Socialists can ride on Bush's range.

Ba'th Socialists support an honest peace:

Ba'th Socialists now shout as screams increase.

Ba'th Socialists (Muhammed's men sweet spiced)

Ba'th Socialists--aflame with Jesus Christ!

Make sunshine brilliant--brilliant with each ray:

Shine sweetly, saintly--stop the War today!!!

THE CODE OF THE BEDOUIN

1) A stinking camel is the strongest camel

2) The longer the caravan, the slower it goes

3) The camel never speaks to those who mistreat it

4) In the desert, bones are never lost

5) The best camel walks in a straight line

6) The horse is more beautiful than the camel, but the ugly camel is the hardest worker of the desert

7) The camel's lips are better than your wife's: they will never argue or lie

8) The gold on the chest of the slave shines brighter than the sun

9) A dead camel can feed a thousand mouths, but a thousand mouths can never feed a camel

10) Do not sleep under your camel--its shade can be dangerous

11) The fat woman and the cow rarely run

12) When at the Red Sea, drink a full cup of sea water--and slap yourself five times for your sins

14) At the medina, do not bargain excessively--it is the sign of a foolish cheapskate; allow the price to settle higher than usual: you will lose some
profit, but gain a friend

14) The wadi's waters are rare but sweet

15) Leave markers at the tops of sand dunes; they will point the way to others who are lost; and if you get lost, others may find you

16) Do not give a good friend a short sword

17) If you are lost in the desert, do not use the wandering moon as a guide; the stars are dimmer but point the way to your home

18) A whisper in the desert can be heard by the Lord

19) No prince or amir may speak for the Fahd; the
Fahd must speak for himself

20) The goat's horns point inward because it is shy; the cow's horns point outward because it is proud

21) Go to sleep early and wake up cool and refreshed. If you sleep late, you may be sizzled by the morning sun.

22) A cat's tail is hooked if it is content and proud

23) On a clear night, point to the brightest star in the sky. That star is your mother.

24) Watch the woman at the well. If she draws up water quickly, she is impatient and aggressive; if she draws water slowly, she is

; if she draws water smoothly and evenly, she is the woman for you.

25) Do not ignore the beggar: he may get rich and help you some day

26) Strong liquor is the devil's brew

27) As grains of sand in the desert, so are the prayers of Mecca

28) The music of Mecca is the prayer of the Prophet

29) Always give money to the poor. The rich may be damned to Hell if they give less than a large portion of their income to the poor.

30) The attack on the Northern Towers was justified as Jihad. If they were Jihad, they were Jihad of a Mental Case.

31) After the Fahd is dead, the House of Saud will be humbled

32) Check a woman's hand. If she had more than three rings, she is vainglorious and proud.

33) The people of the Northern Towers must give a large portion of their income to the poor or they may go to Hell.

34) Leave your money to the poor, and you may be rewarded in Heaven

35) The heat of the desert is the Saudi's pride

36) The best rugs are the smallest

37) Give money and friendship to the poet; you may be well rewarded

LETTER FROM JAPAN TO BUSH/3
html

Dear Mr. Bush:

The Lord is great. The Japanese People are great. We have many children, people, and important things in Japan. We are very close to Korea where there are many problems. Please do not start a war in Asia. We are your friends. Please be friends with all Asia people. Thank you for listening.

BIRTH CONTROL/5 html

The basic problems of the world have only one source: OVERPOPULATION. Human populations must be reduced in order for the world to survive. The current population of the world is almost 6.2 billion, double what it was 40 years ago. At the current rate, the earth's population will be nearly 100 billion in 30 years, and most of the world's resources will be used-up.

But it is not enough for populations to level-off: they must drastically decrease. Huge population decreases will be required because:

1) The earth's minerals (and other non-renewable resources) are diminishing every day. Most of these resources cannot be replaced by re-cycling programs.
Within several decades, supplies of silver, gold, mercury, platinum, lead, nickel, chromium, cobalt, and rare earths will be exhausted. These important
industrial elements will be substituted with inferior metals or products.

2) As Third World people begin to acquire the taste for First World luxury items, an enormous additional strain will be put on valuable natural resources.
Effectively, the earth's population will rise, even if the population stays the same. India, for example, consumes only 1% of what the United States
consumes per person. But this will change as India demands more modern industrial goods, packaged products, and food.

3) As modern medicine comes to impoverished countries, more people will be living longer, putting additional pressures on our limited natural resources. Diseases, which improve the quality of the species, will be mostly gone.
Today, many women in Third World countries are having multiple births at younger ages. It is not uncommon for a girl (in Bangladesh, for example) to
have five or six children before the age of 20. Nearly all of these births are legitimate (that is to say, of married parents). If all such children likewise have six children, within 60 years, 258 children will be born from the original pair. To wit:

Original pair----2

1st Generation---6

2nd Generation--36

3rd Generation-216

------------------

TOTAL----------260, i.e., 258 children from the original pair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even if a couple has only two children, the population will explode within a short time:

Original pair----2

1st Generation---4

2nd Generation--16

3rd Generation--32

------------------

TOTAL-----------54

Hence, assuming that all of these generation are still alive after 60 years, there will be a minimum of 52 children born from the original pair. And all
this started only from TWO children!!!!!!!!!

Forests, soil, farmland, fresh water, and minerals are used-up while people multiply like rabbits. Rainforests and lush savanna become deserts while
wild rivers become weed-choked lakes which soon turn into useless swamps.

The solution is to legislate (as China has done) family planning so that less children are born. Abortion (which is not a viable alternative) will be
avoided if couples are disciplined and use alternative methods of birth control.

But even China has failed in its family planning efforts. In Southern China, there is virtually no rainforest left because all the good land is being used for cropland. Now, China must reduce its population drastically if it is to save its agricultural and mineral resources. The same is true for most of Africa and Asia; and it will soon be true of South America, too.

Nations must come together to solve this most important of all problems.

TRENT LOTT

If Trent Lott has his freedom of speech (and he most certainly does), I (likewise) have mine, and I will do everything in my power to defeat him the next time that he runs (if he ever does) for office. It is
not just one stupid statement, however, that Trent made: it is a whole series of stupidities, a whole wrongful political philosophy, and an entire range of
Republican horrors that he is propagating.

It is absolutely incredible that Trent Lott would make such a harmful comment, especially in light of the fact that Mississippi has the highest percentage of black people, the lowest income, and the highest unemployment rate of any state!!!

If I were the one to save Trent Lott's job, I would say "Trent, you can keep your job in the Senate if you, Bush, and Denny pass legislation to:

1)Cut-off diplomatic relations with any country not agreeing to freeze population levels

2)Cut-off all trade and diplomatic relations with Brazil, Gabon, the DR Congo, Indonesia, and Burma if they do not stop cutting-down their rain-forests; and to provide payments (in Bush's words) for "valuable rainforest lands".

3)Provide $30 billion for rural/urban low income housing

4)Abolish the 1996 Welfare Reform Act, abolish "workfare", and make food stamps and all forms of welfare easier to obtain.

5)Abolish the Tax [non]Relief Act of 2001, rescind tax rebates for those earning over $50000

6)Agree to the Kyoto Treaty and all of its provisions

7)Leave Iraq alone

8)Make it a Federal offense to harass minorities and the Homeless

9)Resume SALT talks and end nuclear proliferation

10)Give me a Federal job (with a guaranteed salary)in the geographical area of my choice.

TOP-PAM

TRANSLATORS
http://www.word2word.com/coursead.html
http://www.wellgot.ca/lessons/l1-e.htm#part1 chinese
http://www.translate-free.com/ list
http://tarjim.ajeeb.com/ajeeb / Arabic
http://www.surviveall.net/links/Translator_links.htm list
http://www.tranexp.com:2000/ InterTran Swedish, Finnish, Slavic languages
http://ets.freetranslation.com/ Port, Norw, Italian, French
http://www.foreignword.com/Tools/dictsrch.asp?p=files/f_trg_60.htm
http://www.word2word.com/freead.html
http://www.worldlingo.com/products_services/worldlingo_translator.html
http://www.worldlingo.com/wl/Translate
http://www.humanitas-international.org/newstran/more-trans.htm
http://www.humanitas-international.org/newstran/index.html
http://ocn.amikai.com/amitext/indexUTF8.jsp Korean,Chinese
http://www.mezzofanti.org/translation -YES Italian Portuguese, Norwegian
http://www.tahiti1.com/language/language-vocabulary.htm

GENERAL TOP-PAM
http://groups.msn.com/askme/yourwebpage.msnw
http://212.234.170.17/data/web/lazaret/commun/theses.htm pf French
http://www.personal.psu.edu/faculty/g/h/ghb1/anth146-3.html genrl
http://www.radiocarbondating.com/origins/america.html general
http://pages.zdnet.com/jpjpgunne/americanpages/id4.html names geographical
http://plaza.snu.ac.kr/~linguist/link/links-res-ame.html NA languages—excellent

GENERAL AMERICAN LANGUAGES
http://www.hanksville.org/NAresources/indices/NAlanguage.html
http://www.geocities.com/~zybt/dlo.htm http://www.naaog.de/englisch/Links_Languages.html
http://www.home.snafu.de/kasten/
http://americanindian.net/moons.html
http://gibbons.best.vwh.net/q_vocab.html
http://www.geocities.com/bigorrin/ basic biblio
http://www.geocities.com/bigorrin/iaq.htm#1 easy
http://www.geocities.com/bigorrin/index.htm#tree lang groups

EASTERN LANGUAGES/ ALGONQUIN
http://freepages.genealogy.rootsweb.com/~abenaki/Wobanaki/index.htm ABENAKI
http://www.dartmouth.edu/~trg/languages/section3.html
http://www.narragansett-tribe.org/_vti_bin/shtml.dll/email.htm 401 364 1100
http://www.ling.unt.edu/~montler/Alabama/ ALABAMA
http://www.geocities.com/~zybt/lang.htm APACHE
http://www.inac.gc/ks/english/5080_e.html
http://geocities.com/bighorn/blac.htm
http://www.fpucalgary.ca/howed/morphology.htm

CLOVIS POINTS
http://www.150.si.edu/150trav/remember/r112a.htm
http://www.clovisnews.com/trails/clovis_points.html
http://lithiccastinglab.com/gallery-pages/2002februarycolbypage2.htm
http://www.washington.edu/burkemuseum/apop/clovis.html
http://www.museum.state.il.us/exhibits/larson/clovis.html
http://www.umanitoba.ca/faculties/arts/anthropology/manarchnet/chronology/paleoindian/clovis2.html
http://www.wfu.edu/cyclone/
http://www.he.net/~archelo/9611/newsbriefs/uptar.html Siberia points

PRE-CLOVIS POINTS
http://www.ele.net/art_folsom/preclvis.htm
http://www.ele.net/art_folsom/art_fols.htm
http://www.sciencenews.org/20000415/fobl.asp Cactus Hill http://www.archaeology.org/online/news/cactus.html “
http://www.txtwriter.com/Onscience/Articles/american.html Cactus Hill
http://www.sandlapper.org/allendal.htm Allendale Goodyeara@garnet.cla.sc.edu 8037778170 Randy L Akers

http://www.centerfirstamericans.com/mt.html?a=10 Dalton, Gainey points
http://www.neara.org/topics/peopling.htm SA Pre-Clovis

CALIFORNIA LANGUAGES
http://cougar.ucdavis.edu/nas/NALC/home.html john peabody harrington 28-42 smithsonian audio cal lang
http://home.att.net/~wranders/ http://home.att.net/~wranders/alphabetsimple.html wranders@indiana.edu
http://www.linguistics.berkeley.edu/Survey/links.html general biblio Cal/other
http://www.mip.berkeley.edu/cilc_images/bibs/maps/tribemap.gif tribes
http://www.mip.berkeley.edu/cilc_images/bibs/maps/lingmap.gif Cal languages
http://www.uoregon.edu/~delancey/penutian.html delancey@darkwing.uoregon.edu
http://www.uoregon.edu/~delancey/klamath.html nrude@ucinet.com
http://www.uoregon.edu/~delancey/klamath.html#KM
http://home.att.net/~wranders/caindex.html California etc..

http://www.elite.net/~runner/jennifers/languag2.htm#North%20America
http://www.uweb.ucsb.edu/~pp2/cv.htm no info pp2@umail.ucsb.edu
http://archaeology.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?site=http://www.peak.org/csfa/mt13%2D2.html%23part4 Santa Rosa Island
http://www.kstrom.net/isk/maps/ca/california.html

ALASKA
http://www.uaf.edu/anlc/expressions.html 907 474 7874 alaska edwards@cs.vt.edu scturner@vt.edu info@nmu.ac.in
http://americanindian.net/moons.html
http://gibbons.best.vwh.net/q_vocab.html
http://www.uaf.edu/anlc/expressions.html 907 474 7874 alaska fyanlp@uaf.edu
anlc@zorba.uaf.edu Edwards@cs.vt.edu scturner@vt.edu info@nmu.ac.in
http://www.alaskool.org/language/manytongues/ManyTongues.html#compairsons
http://www.alaskool.org/language/languageindex.htm
http://www.koryaks.net/links.html Andrew@KamchatkaPeninsula.com Esa.Anttikoski@joensuu.fi ?

KAMCHATKA
http://www.kamchatkapeninsula.com
http://www.kamchatkapeninsula.com/ringoffire.html
http://www.KamchatkaPeninsula.com/kieg.html
http://www.avo.alaska.edu/avo3/atlas/kamchmain.htm
http://www.raipon.org/Web_Database/itelm.html
http://www.raipon.org/english/library/ipw/number8/article8.html itelmen v i uspenskaya
http://www.eki.ee/books/redbook/itelmens.shtml
http://www.skimountaineer.com/ROF/Asia/Kamchatka/Kamchatka.html volcanoes
http://www.anthro.washington.edu/Archy/IKIP/Database/artifacts.html Kuril artifacts
http://www.washington.edu/newsroom/news/2000archive/06-00archive/k063000.html twp@fish.washington.edu fitzhugh@u.washington.edu arch project Kuril
http://staff.aist.go.jp/y.ishizuka/ikip/ikip.html
http://www.pbs.org/edens/kamchatka/ring.html Kam volcanoes
http://www.explorekamchatka.com/ascentofichinsky.htm info@explorekamchatka.com Kam tourist

SIBERIAN LANGUAGES
http://www.tooyoo.l.u-tokyo.ac.jp/Russia/bibl/index.html minority lang Siberia biblio
http://www.tooyoo.l.u-tokyo.ac.jp/Russia/bibl/Itelmen.html
http://www.peoples.org.ru/eng_itelmen even negidal itelmen chukchi-kamchatka ainu koryak languages

TUNGUS-MANCHU/ ALTAIC
http://www.linguistlist.org/issues/13/13-2264.html tomoko@linguistlist.org
http://www.linguistlist.org/issues/13/13-2264.html#1 LINCOM.EUROPA@t-online.de
http://www.lincom-europa.com
http://www.linguistlist.org/issues/5/5-926.html junger@deans.umd.edu altaic, unger 1990
http://members.tripod.com/~anttikoski/eng_tungus.html
http://www.dartmouth.edu/~trg/languages.html tungus
http://www.dartmouth.edu/~trg/languages/section3.html tungus grammar

KURIL ISLANDS
http://www.askasia.org/image/maps/kuril1.htm http://www.askasia.org/image/maps/kuril1.htm

THE JAPANS
http://courses.washington.edu/newworld/PeoplingWorksheet.pdf general time line
http://daphne.palomar.edu/ddozier/course_notes/concepts/histories/archaic/archaic_america.htm sinodonty in modern japs
http://archaeology.about.com/library/weekly/aa103199.htm general pre-Clovis
http://www.gns.cri/nz/what/earthact/volcanoes/nzvolcanoes/taupoprint.htm NZ volc eruption largest from Taupo 26500ya
http://wwwsoc.nacsis.ac.jp/gsj/index-e.html not lis Jap Geo Soc
http://www.qub.ac.uk/iis/members.htm machida@geog.metro-u.ac.jp (Q. geo) Kojiok@ipc.Hiroshima-u.ac.jp (tectonics) abeouchi@ccsr.utokyo.ac.jp edu.au,OKSANA@mikun.msk.su,suzuki@geog.metro-u.ac.jp,takemura@stardust.kugi.kyotou.ac.jp (tephrocr),makiko@nc.titech.ac.jp,morih@hokusin.leh.kagoshima_u.ac.jp(Q.geoSjap),pillans@coombs.anu,fukuoka@gakashuin.ac (trace elements,Antarctica),hayakawa@aramaki.la.gunma-u.ac.jp (catalogue of vol eruptions),ahay@doshisha.ac.jp (paleomagnetic analysis sediments),tour@alpha.kamchatka.su (kamchatka vol), sumiko@cgu.ac.jp,
self@lani.soest.hawaii.edu,scporter@u.washington.edu,asarn@isdmnl.wr.usgs.gov,westgate@macpost.scar.utoronto.ca,C.Wilson@gns.cri.nz,gaz@unh.edu,ffjeb@aurora.alaska.edu,ejuvigne@physun.geo.ulg.ac.be,pbogaard@geomar.depcfrog@matai.vuw.ac.nz,Hunt@chelt.ac.uk,dlowe@waikato.ac.nz,BALLOWAY@tmknovl.auckland.ac.nz,aberjame@esumail.emporia.edu

http://www.icehawkproductions.com/demo/f_03_1.html general
http://www.seinan-gu.ac.jp/~djohnson/natural/geology.html general 1792 eruption Aso
http://geoweb.princeton.edu/students/courses/FRS145/L_Calderas.html
http://www.minc.ne.jp/kics/eng/eng/Kagoshima/intro.html
http://www-jm.eps.s.u-tokyo.ac.jp/2002cd-rom/pdf/g030/g030-p005_e.pdf
http://www-jm.eps.s.u-tokyo.ac.jp/1999cd-rom/pdf/vc/vc-p011_e.pdf
http://www.kobe-u.ac.jp/volcano/tueno/Aira/AirarefE.html
http://www.kobe-u.ac.jp/volcano/tueno/Aira/airarefE.html
http://geoweb.princeton.edu/students/courses/FRS145/L_Calderas.html
http://www.geo.mtu.edu/volcanoes/misc/v2n01/irazu.v21n01.html
http://mailbox.univie.ac.at/~muehleb9/atlantiswt.html
http://museum.mm.pref.okinawa.jp/web_e/history/story/epoch1/sakishima_1.html
http://www.affs.org/en/articles/ryukyuanlandforms.html

SOUTH AMERICA
http://morgan.iia.unam.mx/usr/Actualidades/22/texto22/brasilia.html niede guidon pf
http://www.aymara.org AYAMARA
http://www.athenapub.com/salang1.html South America
http://users.cybercity.dk/~nmb3879/indian0.html South America
http://indian-cultures.com/Cultures/Links.html genral
http://www.slider.com/enc/37000/Native_American_languages_Languages_of_South_America_and_the_West_Indies.htm general valdesla@prodigy.net.mx jrader @m-w.com
http://edc.usgs.gov/earthshots/slow/Rondonia/Rondonia Brazil deforestation
http://www.geocities.com/indianlanguages_2000/tupi-guarani-3.html
http://www.unl.edu/rhames/monte_verde/peru_clovis.htm
Anna Roosevelt 9000BC Amazon/10500BC Monte Verde diet—mastodon, potatoes, mushrooms, grasses, nuts, berries, freshwater shellfish//Kurt Fladmark new estimates—corridor between glaciers opened-up 9500BC//Quebrada Jaguay 11000?BC to 9000BC human gathered clams, small drum fish;stone tools, petrified wood,
cutting tools of obsidian 10700-10500BC/8770 to 8350BC C14 dkeefer@mojave.wr.usgs.gov
http://www.archaeology.org/online/features/clovis/ doubts about Monte V

POLYNESIA
http://www.maori.org.nz
http://www36.pair.com/waldzell/fmp-list/LinkSink/#Multiple pvs@lava.net Poly
http://www.thetahititraveler.com/general/historyorig.asp easy Poly history
http://www.tahiti.com/language/language-vocabulary.htm Polynesian words

GENERAL NORTH/SOUTH AMERICA
http://www.bartleby.com/65/na/NatvAmlang.html general 40 million 1800 languages//15 million people 2000 languages/1.5 million N of Mex 300 lang/Mex ca 5million people 300 languages/SA 9 million 1400 lang/ all highly developed in phonology, grammar; but great diversity in ph and grammar; many have polysynthesism--a compound word which is like a sentence; infrequent gender; some noun case (like Latin); lack of case more common////Algonquin-Wakashan 50 lang-- Salishan BC, NW; Wakashan NW-- polysnthesism, suffixes, few prefixes;Nadene tones some polysn.,verb aspect/voice not tense true cases for nouns//Hokan-Sioux--plains ALSO FOUND IN some MEX, CA. many word element merge to form one word//Aztec-Tanoan NW US to Mex, CA//MEX CA--24 lang groups--Coahuiltecan, Guaycuran, Jicaque, Yuman (BC,US) part of Sioux-Hokan; Otomian,Mixtecan,Zapotecan part of big group Otomanguean; Aztec lang part of Nahuatlan part of Uto-Aztecan, part of big group Aztec-Tanoan//Mayan,Huave, Mixe-Zoque,Totonacan part of Penutian group/CA also has 2 SA langs///--100 lang groups SA 1000 lang, SA, WIndies-- Quechua, Aymara, Araucanian, Arawakan, Tupi-Guarani/Chibchan (Colombia, Ecuador, Panama, CostaRica, Nicaragua)/Cariban, Ge groups of big group Ge-Pano-Carib group; Cariban langs import in Windies, Brazil, Peru, Guianas, Venez; Ge langs spoken in E Brazil//Quechua,Aymara,Araucanian groups part of big group Andean-Equatorial; Aymara has 14 lang; Arawakan group+Tupi-Guarani part of Andean-Equatorial big group/Arawak spoken in Windies S Brazil, Eside of Andes,Venez, Colo, Guianas, Peru Paraguay, Bol;TG big like Arawak; TG group E Brazil Amazon to Andes/Guarani--Paraguay, Brazil, Argentin, Bol; today 120 lang in TG markrose@enteract.com

Alan Bryan—specialist SA/Robson Bonnichsen CSFA/Kenneth Tankersley/Geo Frison/Ruth Gruhnb SA expert/David Madsen microblade 15000BC estab in N Asia/no microblades in NA/Old W Solutrean similiar to Clovis 18000BC-28000BC Europe/N Asia//Douglas Owsley RL Jantz very early bones, cranium similar to Polynes,
Net to NA Indians/Theodore Schurr genetics thinks man came to Amer before 18000BC//20000 years before Clovis, Aust/Poly had watercraft

PAM MIGRATION/SETTLEMENT ESTIMATES
http://members.surfeu.at/dobson/routen.htm general TOP PAM
http://www.cmnh.org/dinoarch/2000Mar/msg0064.html general PAM

http://members.aol.com/wprehist/3250s07.htm Australia ice age
http://members.aol.com/wprehist/3250s07.htm ice age
sea level as much as 150m lower than now/Asia separated from Aust/NG by 70km of relatively deep ocean w no land vis. /Owen says there had to be “numerous boatloads”/Bobongara-earliest known site in NG 36000BC(unconfirmed date) waisted axes for cutting trees/other Melanesia sites 31000BC/38000-28000BC
many sites in Australia w/hearths, animal bones, flakes—many RC dates reliable//other sites claimed 43000BC, 48000BC, 73000BC unconfirmed dates—recent RC dating suggests they are much more recent—20000BC-8000BC// Lake Mungo numerous sites+shell middens 35000BC; hearths (w fish, mammal bones,shells), shells date 30000BC; core, pebble tools, bone tools; 24000BCb w red ochre (cf Kamchatka) ; "gracile, modern-looking crania that do not resemble the more robust modern Aust."/modern Homo sap. In Aust/Europe 50000 yrs. after found in Africa//most Aust sites near sea/rivers suggesting usage of boats////Bering thought to be “ice-free” but in S. Alaska, way was blocked by glaciers/some suggest "walking or boating right along the coastline" thus avoiding big glaciers?/Hans van Boldrick/earliest known humans in NE Asia date 36000BC-26000BC(disputed)/14000BC populations definately established contemporary w/Magdlenian culture in Europe, when men were populatingEur // NE Asia was uninhabited until modern Homo s. arrived with Upper Paleolithic technology, etc/D'uktai C NE Asia microblades, wedge-shaped cores, may date 30000BC(disputed), 14000BC-8000BC/"microblades don't appear in NA until well after the first immigrants..sp they would have been either introduced by later immigrants, or locally developed."/ Ushki (Kamchatka) "large, peanut-shaped dwellings" bw red ochre (cf australia)/hunted bison, reindeer, mammoth?, fished salmon, lowest level dated 12000BC/small, stemmed, bifacial points like some from earliest Alaskan sites before microblade tradition there/ Ushki did not make fluted “Clovis” type points/ 115000BC to 11000BC cold period/at least 5 glacial advances/BERINGA EXPOSED BETWEEN 58000BC and 11000BC/ICE-FREE CORRIDOR TO US (possibly) BETWEEN 38000BC and 19000BC-- no evidence for human occupation of NA at this early time/"immigrants may have floated across the Bearing on sea ice"/earliest Alaska sites 9700BC /Meadowcroft 12000BC/10500BC Monte Verde/ teeth of most NA outside AK match many dental traits of N China called "sinodont"/2 dentally different groups in AK that are more like other NE Asian groups/evidence for "multiple waves" of immigrants/sinodont wave probably 1st/ "recent glottochronology studies suggest that NA languages must have benn diverging for several 10s of 1000s of yrs" (maybe 22000 to 40000yrs) /probably at least 2 waves of immigration across Ber--pre11000BC, ancestors of modern Eskimos c2000BC// Clovis dates to c92000BC to c8900BC/CLOVIS KNOWN IN TIERRA DEL FUEGO/Clovis big-game hunters found w/bison, mammoth//Pre-Covis--SEVERAL HUMANSKELETONS date 11000BC to 9500BC//"dispersal across N and S Amer seems to have been rapid" based on MV and other sites 10500 to 9000BC// "early sites along the Peruvian coast suggest that the first people had a maritime focus"// early sites before 8000BC very rare/MV wet, artifacts waterlogged by peat; MV was sandy knolls, small bogs, cool humid forest near brook; 60-ft long tent-like structure "big enough for 20-30 people, "logs and planks anchored by stakes" "walls of hides on pole framework tied with junco reed cordage" "rooms or areas marked off inside, each w a brazier" "hide flecks in floor suggest hide covering (or is it from the walls?)"/outside woodpile, wooden mortars w grinding stones"meat next to mastodon bones" two large hearths 3 footprints /digging sticks, spears, mastodon tusk gouges, few stone tools (not many, no points), bola stones [for hunting]; away from main bldg--"wishbone shaped" structure, floor soaked with animal fat, medicinal plants (based on use by modern Mapuche), potato residue in wood mortars and indoor storage pits, but mostly meat was found--mastodon, paleo-llama, small game, freshwater shellfish, year-round occupation/seaweed, polishing pebbles, bitumen (these from coast 15m away); possible EARLY LEVELS 30000BC 4ft below 24 broken pebbles, some flaked showing wear, 3 shallow depressions lined w clay burned wood, seeds dated 31000BC (disputed)

http://entomology.ucdavis.edu/courses/hde19/lecture6.htmlgeneral Africa australopith,etc aust occupied before 48000BC, Solomons before 28000BC, Siberia before 18000BC, Eurasia 1 million
http://cogweb.ucla.edu/EP/Art/ pigment datesAfrica, Eur, Aust.
http://www.wsu.edu/~tako/Week5.html "earliestphysical types [in Aust] not well documented"

POPULATIONS/GENETICS
http://dickydoubt.bravepages.com/conseq1.htm#t3ae1%20genetics%20earlyAfrica genetics islands
http://www.mc.maricopa.edu/dept/d10/asb/origins/Populations.html125000 world pop. of H. erectus, "comparisons of Acheulian assemblages over large areas with assemblages left by modern humans reveal a remakably uniformity in the Acheulian from the Cape (SA) to Korea" "It is hared to imagine how this apparent
cultural uniformity could have persisted without high levels of movement" "A scenario that is consistent with both the ecological and the genetic lines of evidence is as follows: around 100000 ya ancestral human spread into separate regions from a restricted source, but there was not necessarily a dramatic expansion. The data are consistent with an early expanison and subsequent bottleneck or with an early modest growth and slow expansion. Later, starting around 50000 ya, dramatic pop growth occurred separately with dispersed daughter pps that were genetically isolated from each other....the time range of 45000 to 35000 ya is an approximate boundray for an apparently dramatic change in human behavior. In the interval between 50000 and 40000 ya, the Mousterian the African Mid Stone Age, and similar industries were widely repalced by clearly more advanced industries, including those of the Upper Paleolithic...The suggestion is that culture rather than biology drove the burst of growth of our ancestors. This scenario is also consistent with evidence from genetic studies of protein polymorphisms and nuclear DNA...The present data are clearly inconsistent with the strong Out of Africa hypothesis”

http://www-genome.wi.mit.edu/mpg/popgen/pubs/1998_PNAS_PaleolithicExpansion.pdf "By analyzing genetic variation in various aboriginal populations from throughout the world, we show highly significant evidence for a major human population expansion in Africa, but no evidence of expansion outside of Africa. The inferred African expanision is estimate to have occurred between 49000 and 64000 ya, certainly before the Neolithic expansions, and probably before the splitting of African and non-African populations" "In the tetranucleotide data, the "within locus" k test shows that only two populations give a significant signal of expansion, and they are both in Africa"

EXTRA NOTES
http://www.ocn.ne.jp/vchat/form.html cyclone@wfu.edu
barbara.chalmers@talk21.com Kaliechic101@aol.com dreammates.com
http://dmoz.org/Society?People?Pen_Pals elbosha_pals@hotmail.com
bluedayiy@hanmail.net ssongbbo@naver.com
chitizens swift bubbles irboperlen
http://translation2.paralink.com Ger Russ Port Italian
pronunciation pen pals--politics free land Indian reservations polynesian language univ of hawaii christmas island hijacker bio vacant lank univ of ca
spellig kandahar hickok kabba
earth's core/miocene/Alan Bryan/Theodore Schurr/genetics/gene pool/inbreeding/paleolithic/Meadowcroft/Monte Verde Chile/Quebrada Jaguay/Rio Piqui/Pedro Furada/Pierdra Furada/Boqueirao/Niede Guidon/Tierra de Fuego/paleolithic populations/ice age/ice age temperatures/languages indian/languages native/lenguas indegenas/languages/linguistics/Ecuador/SA archaeology/bow-and-arrow/paleolitic hunting/Japan paleolithic/paleolithic boats/paleolithic Japanese boats/David Madsen/Solutrean/Pacific Ocean
currents/Pacific Ocean winds/ocean depths soundings/paleolithic currents/Antarctic circumpolar current/roaring 40s/Easter Island/Isla de San Felix Chile/Isla de San Ambrosia/Isla de Sala y Gomez Chile/Isla de Pascua Chile/Isla de Juan Fernandez Chile/paleolithic population estimates/early human populations/primate population estimates/pleistoscene primates/paleolithic earthquakes/Japan current/Japan archaeology/Ryukyu Islands/Kuril Islands/paleolithic Australia/Australia history/Tasmania/red ochre/California Indians/California Native Americans/Santa Rosa Island/

ICE AGE
Peo winter (normal) 25 degrees; (ice cap climate) -45 degrees Difference--70 degrees
Peo summer (normal) 72 degrees; (ice cap climate) 14 degrees. Difference--68 degrees.
Brazil winter (normal) 77 degrees; (ice cap climate) 16 degrees.
Brazil summer (normal) 83 degrees; (ice cap climate) 19 degrees.

ICE AGE
angle of tilt of earth 41K years period/eccentricity 96K year period/precession of the equinoxes 10500 year cycle/30K-50K years solar radiation periods//late paleozoic followed ice age

ALLEDALE (TOPPER)
near Savannah River; contemporary with oldest Clovis point found; 13500BP scrapers, blades; shoreline like now; 2 types of artifacts; 100 ft from chert deposit. simple flake core, big core tools, chopping tools; open pine woods (NOT tundra)(pollen studies show this) no apparent connection to Cactus Hill, Meadowcroft;20-30 scrapers, flake knives 13000BP OSL dating 30-40 cm max; small tools 1-2 cm max; artifacts not similar to Cactus Hill or Meadowcroft; Allendale--no bi-face, full sequence; flooding, post-glacial scouring 14000-15000BP; possible earlier layers 19000BP; Meadowcroft 19000BP

ARCTIC
N Archaic tradition started 6000BP; notched, stemmed, lanceolate arrow points perhaps for fishing, unlike Asian but similar to many in AK, Canada.

Stage 2 (page 74) "similar assemblages are known from various locations in the subarctic in Canada, where as in Alaska, these Stage 2 people have been presumed to stem ultimately from farther south in NA--where similar assemblages are known in the Archaic of eastern NA by at least 8000BP, and in the Great Basin of the Western US by at least as early--as a reflection of the northward movement of southern hunters following the final end of glaciation.." then says
that some don't agree with the North being occupied by Southern hunters...

p18 Canada earlies level "Mousterian like" 8000BP British Mt Engigstciak; after, Wilmsen (a964) proposed Brit Mt was related to Arctic flake tradition from Siberia. NE Greenland (Dorset traditions) 4000-3500BP. Meldgaard thought Dorset culture of N islands Canada had origins in S forests.p19 S Labrador 5500BP p20 petroglyphs near Wakeham Bay, Ungava

p71 Athapaska close to Eskimo and Reindeer Chukchi; Eskimo closer to Chukchi than to NA Indians "simple kinships system" small nuc family p23

In winter, most all ocean water is frozen, the winds and current cause shifting, some open water; take long for ice to melt in spring. little snow in Arctic; half of Canada and Russia is permafrost"The Bering is known to have been crossed regularly" p53 by Eskimos from both sides" accent rules more complex in AK than in Siberia p53 Yupik --large number of words from
Chuckchi p55

No interaction (or little) between US and Mex cultures NA 73 lang groups 200 lang CA 35000 pop SCal 100 lang all CA 7 lang groups 200 ethnic groups

550BP Hohokan disapeared
650 Apaches, Navahos came from NW Canada to US
725 Anazazi disappear
750 Hohokan change from pit houses to more complex dwellings
750 drought
1000 SE exclusive farming
1000 SW Anazazi height
1100-920 Explosive Thule traditions
1250 Aztec end
1300 Mogolon--different varieties of corn
1300 Anazazi dry farming
1350 start of Aztec decline
1400-700 Utah Fremont culture
1500-1000 Hawaii, New Zealand settled
1500-1200 Utah farming culture
100?-800 Anazazi culture height
1500 SCal Hotchkisss--basket-weaving, ornaments
1200-800 pottery SW
1700?-1100 Mayan civilization height
2000 agricultural advances--NA
2000 East Polynesia settled--Marquesas
2200-1500 increased cultivation Adena, Ohio
2250-1050 plains woodland culture
2500-500 Ozette, NW
2500 First Mayan artifact found
2900 Dorset tradition Arctic-Greenland
3000 Mogollon start
3000 Samoa settled
3100 Tonga settled
3200-1400 Stage 4 Arctic no small tools tradition/start Thule/more maritime
3500-2700 Height of Poverty Point culture
3500 Choris culture NW Alaska
3500 Poverty Point ridges
3500 SW agriculture starts
4000 Dogs, farming advances Mex
4000-3500 NE Greenland Dorset traditions
4300 Pottery Mex
4200 small tools tradition Alaska
4500 migrations from Asia to NG
4500 Eastern small tools finds earlier than Alaska in Greenland, etc
4500 Kodiak slate carving different from rest of Aleut chain
5000-4000 Start of Poverty Point culture
5500 Other crops Mex
5500 Petroglyphs near Wakham Bay, Ungava, Labrador
5600 Corn cultivation starts Mex
6000 SE increase in population
6000 Eskimo begins
6500 seasonal shift nomads
7000-5000 altithermal
7000 NE charcoal pits
7000 SE squash seeds
7200-5000 Koster points
7000-6000? Plateau grinding stones
8000-6000 S Cal pit houses, good tools, mid-archaic
8000 Canada earliest level British Mountain
8000 Umnak (E Aleut) quite similar to Siberia interior at this time or earlier;N NWT similar
8000 Interior BC also similar to above
8500 Mex domestication of avocado
8750-8250 Anangala Alaska
9000 boats NW
10000 Kow Swamp Australia
10000 W Sub-arctic settled
10500 Queen Charlotte Is
10500 Utah stone tools like S Cal
10900-10700Gainey (or Clovis?)-Dalton transition;
11000 Arctic settled
11000-8000 most all AK artifacts dated
11000 Bering open; sea levels high
11000 NW salmon fishing
11000 Earliest proven date for AK humans
12000-10000Clovis culture 10800-11200?
12000 Glaciers already melted
12000 NE caribou hunting
12000 Little Salt Springs
12500 Monte Verde
13000-11000Quebrada Jaguay (disputed)
20000-12000Meadowcroft Pennsylvania (disputed)
12900 Wanleh? NG
13900 Bluefish Caves Yukon (disputed)
15700? Cactus Hill (disputed)
15800 scapula of horse, calcaneus of bison found in cave at Trail Creek N Sward Peninsula. crude bi-faced point found just outside of another cave at Trail Creek (?)
16000-12000 Dyaktai Siberia
16000-13000 Pittsburg bone fragments(?)
16000 Kamchatka wigwams, points
17000-12900 Bone Cave Tasmania
17500 cold glacial
18000 Tasmania still glaciated
18000 Frasier Cave Tasmania
18000 Deena Reena Cave Tasmania
19000 Cave Bay Tasmania
19500 edgefaced axes Australia
20000-14000 Kutkana Tasmania
20000 Mlangangerr Australia
22000-10000 Mafotiva(?) Mal'ta Siberia
22500 Devil's used regualrly
22000 Valsequillo, Mex (disputed)
23000 Tlapadoya? (disputed)
26000-18000 Solomon Islands
26000 NG
26500 Purritgarra?
26000 Lancefield Australia
27000? Old Crow Yukon (disputed)
30000 Bering closed; low sea levels
30000-20000 Old World Solurean (Europe, N Asia) like Clovis
28000 New Ireland
30500 Bluff Rock
32000 Lake Mungo Australia
32000 start cold period; lower sea levels
32500 Devil's Australia
36000 Bobongara NG
38000 Upper Swan Australia
40000 cold glacial
50000-40000 Bering land bridge?
65000 cold glacial
80000 real cooling starts
90000-70000 warm period
Ris hand axe (Acheulian) flake (Clactonian)
230K Holsteinian interglacial warm period (not too warm); pre-Neanderthal;early Sapiens(Acheulian)
350K-400K Mindel
430K interglacial
500K Cromerian (hand axe)
Gunz hand axe, pebble tools
1000K-2000K Vf E Africa
2600K-3300K Vf France
10K-3000K Pleistocene early-much mountain bldg, geo. activity; 49 degrees, dry
3-12 million Pliocene
12-25 million Miocene much mountain bldg--Himalyas, Atlas, Cascades; volcanic activity increased; temperature lowered mid-Miocene
25-35 million Oligocene Alps rose
35-53 million Eocene
53-63 million Paleocene 70 degrees, humid; less mountains ...................................................................
TOP-PAM
Unanswered ongstanding riddles:
1) Why are all American languages so different from Old World languages, and (much of the time) so different from each other?
2) Was South America inhabited before North America?
3) What explains the greater populations and diversity of South America?

Caucuses--numerous small, isolated pockets of languages; India--100s of different languages showing great diversity and great antiquity. In China, on the other hand, where people settled, stayed, and hardly migrated; languages show great complexity, but less diveristy, and more kinship to each other. Great language diversity, therefore, is a function of mass migration,
communication, and rootlesness. In primative times, it took hundreds of years (possibly thousands) for a population to double.

LANGUAGES
JAPANESE NA POLYNESIAN
ah 41 12+39 14
long o 30 16 3
k 24 22 1
long e 25 11 10
m 19 10 3
oo 18 5 1
n 11 17 4
t 11 11 5
s 10 18 1
r 8 9 3
sh 8 1 -
ih 4 15 -
g 4 3 2
uh 3 3 -
y 3 3 -
b 3 5 1
z 3 4 -
long i 2 3 -
h 2 5 3
ch 2 4 -
j 2 1 1
w 2 6 1
l 1 11 -
eh 1 10 -
long a 1 3 1
d 3 -
f - 1
cch 1 -
th 1 -
tz 2 -
v 1 1
p 5 2

matsu wife
saka hill
ka river
rei cold
jo girl
riku roku land
jo place
chi place, ground
yo sun
on warm
ko lake
ya night
don cloudy
tan light
shin heart
so set of 2

..................................................................
SPELLING QUESTIONS--AFRICA
-he let for +he left for
wasn't larger: [add colon]
and north. [add period]

Gorki, Gorky
chromite
princely
drouth
Hamites
stridor
Mohammed, Muhammed
Britons
exhault
caramel, carmel
gloria
veldt, veld
Laden
Muhammedu
braggadocious
sunstruck
Shangri-La
Jenne Djenne (accents)
Richie (explorer)
trekks, treks
Mogodor, Mogador
Levent
sunburnt
pailed
diss, dis
Fulbe, Fulbe (accents)
vicious
turbid
mauch
Bismarck, Bismark
blimy, blimey
seamy
...................................................................

CORPORATE GREED/CAPITALISM
Olafson--whistle blower/Sunbeam--Al Deal? 1.7 million mansion/share $64.25--$.73 Garry Winnick--Global Crossings sold 3 times $735 million retained 70%? holdings/ Terry Chirickisnsen? lawyer /Kaslinsky Sam Watzle/Round Table Council--CEO organization/Joseph Nachio--100 million year?/Dow high 12000/NASDAQ 5000 end of 17 yr bull market/Chuck Conaway-KMart 12,9 million GP 22000 employees laid off/Bernie Evers World Com1500ac ranch/Henry Blodget-Merril Analyst/George Gilder--Analyst/Jack B. Grubman-Analyst relation w/Winnick/Ken Lay 141.7 million severence?/Elliot Spitzer--NY Atty Gen/Harvey Pitt-SEC $315-$3 stock/$130-$1 stock Excite/Ron Insana/Warren Buffet Analyst $35 billion/"Kibbutzim" modern Communism at work/some ads for products nobody needs+nobody wants/produts for a sic society--people who are ment. and phys. ill/modern christians--the opposite of chrit/rep hypocrites/tax cheats, tax fraud, tax loopholes, corp limlib, enron, many rich hate other rich/ "Divergent Paths: Economic Mobility in the New America" by Anita Burhardt--Denter on Wisc
Strategy, Martina Morris Univ. of Wash.www.russellsage.org 1970s--real wages stopped growing/increase in job mobility (not for youngest workers), increase in temp workers, 40% drop in middle class, increase in profits--30-40%, men 10-20% drop in "real wages", growth mostly in finance, real estate, professional services; growth in international trade, business moving overses; some competition from immigrants in 6 states (having 75% of immigrants) in low wage
employment; repeal odf "New Deal" legislation 1985-2000; Reagan-PATCO attacked; today-1/3 of workers in low wage jobs; $8000 avegage credit card deb/2 wage earners/1/3 of workers covered by unem in/union workers get 20% more wages/GE Chairman 72 million//K-Mart/ SS Kresge change 1977 Chuck Conaway/Chrysler Chairman-$33 million/Mercedes Chairman-$3 million///all Amer wars (except WWII) were initiated by Right-Wing extremists/control the means of production--successful employee owned companies--Chicago and Northwestern RRDrugs and
drink are old ways of coping with the new Bush reality--no jobs, no money, and no hope for change/speculation piles upon speculation as investors lose their grip on righteousness and reality

GNP-PCI-2% of US/US take only 15% of Saudi exports/House of Saud like House of Bush-State sponsored terrorism/Iraq right to defend their territory/libertion of women-Iraq/Saud from Najd-central desert/Saud prtnership is marriage of convenience/German floods $20 billion, 250000 homeless in China from floods/Arab check refused by Mayor G/Asir tradition of independence-
mountainous, hilly; last provence to be put under Saudi control 1923/--
....................................................................

2002 ELECTION RETURNS
Gov. John E. Baldacci D-ME 47%
Rep. Peter E. Cianchette -ME 41%
Sen. Susan Collins R-ME 58%
Rep. Michael Michaud D-ME 52%
Gov. Craig Benson R-NH 58.8%
Sen. John E. Sununu R-NH 51%
Rep. Jeb Bradley R-NH 58%
Gov. Jim Douglas R-VT 45%
Rep. Bernie Sanders I-VT 64%
Gov. Mitt Romney R-MI 49.8%
Gov. Donald L Carcieri R-RI 54.7%
Gov. John G. Rowland R-CT 56%
Gov. George E. Pataki R-NY 49.3%
Sen. Frank Lautenberg D-NJ 53.8%
Gov. Ed Rendell D-PA 53.3%
Gov. Robert Ehrlich, Jr. R-DE 51.4%
Sen Elizabeth Dole R-NC 53.6%
Gov. Mark Sanford R-SC 52.9%
Sen. Lindsey Graham R-SC 54.5%
Sen. Saxby Chambliss R-GA 52.9%
Gov. Sonny Perdue R-GA 51.6%
Gov. Bob Riley R-AL 49.3%
Gov. Don Siegelman D-AL 49%
Sen. Mary Landrieu D-LA 46%
Gov. Mike Huckabee R-AR 53%
Sen. Mark Pryor D-AR 54%
Sen. Jim Talent R-MO 49.9%
Gov. Michael Rounds R-SD 55.8%
Sen Tim Johnson D-SD 49.6%
Gov. Bill Owens R-CO 62.8%
Sen. Wayne Allard R-CO 51.1%

.............................................................................
COMMUNISM [unfinished]
Communism does not eliminate supply-and-demand, but endeavors to eliminate price
fluctuations by fixing prices, controlling distribution and sales. Ideally, Communism would provide a constant supply at a constant price irrespective of demand. Profits going to a State-owned monopoly would be similar to the Walmart model in that prices would remain stable over a long period.

TRADITIONAL SUPPLY-AND DEMAND DRIVEN PRICES
Gold, Rents, Antiques, Ginseng, Race Horses, Cocaine, Cement

SUPPLY-DRIVEN PRICES (Demand matters less than Supply)
Rainbow Trout (low supply+low demand=high price)
Stanley Steamer parts (low supply+low demand=high price)
Einsteinium (low supply+low demand=high price)

COMMUNISM
Communism would eliminate many choices for the consumer, but basic necessities would always be provided. Who needs a thousand different colors of toilet paper? Communist factories would produce survival items, not vanity products of assumed wants or artificially created desires. In eliminating many useless types of items, in lowering waste, prices could be lowered, and quality increased.

[unfinished}
............................................................................
............................................................................
AUTO COSTS

FORD ESCORT
200 tires 200 10 air filter 50 tab 350 "extra gas" 250 gas
100 strut 20 5 keys 50 tab
100 ball joint-r 10 10 coolant
100 bearing 50 oil, filters
60 starter
---- ------- ------- ------ ------ -------
560 230 75 100 350 250

TOTAL 1665 for 2 YEARS
.........................................................................

PONT 10 air filters 50 300? 300 cabs
180 tires 130 initial 10 wire, tester 40
15 rim 50 oil, filters 25
105 starter 15 spark plugs 25
60 fix lights 50 2 caps, rotors
20 Klem 2 trans oil
------------- -------- ------ ----- -------- -----
380 130 137 140 300? 300

TOTAL 1387 for 1 year
......................................................................
ADDITIONAL

100
150
200
175
-----
625
225
----
850
......................................................................
VAN
115 windshield
80 windshield
50 tow
------
245

1665
1387
850
245
-------
4147
........................................................................
AMAT TRIP
800 rt gas
600 lodg
250 fo
300 misc repair
300 misc
-------
2250
200 4 mo storage
300 1 mo in A.
------
2750 TOTAL

........................................................................

http://www.cdc.gov/health/default.htm#T

rabies 2/3 dper yr US 90% r in wild animals http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/dvrd/rabies/

http://www.cdc.gov/nip/publications/pink/tetanus.pdf inc 2-21 days usu 8 d
11%f 270K/yr+ US 600/yr 1950 now -20/yr

htm tri-PAN-o-SO-my-a-sis sleeping sickness E afr 1-4 week inc 21cases US since 1967///http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/dpd/parasites/trypanosomiasis/factsht_wa_trypanosomiasis.htm W afr (Gambian ss) 20K new cases/yr

http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/dbmd/diseaseinfo/typhoidfever_t.htm400cases/yrUS//21mil total200Kd/yr//f12-30%w/o treatm 1/1000 US tourist to india get

http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/dbmd/diseaseinfo/cholera_g.htm US cases rare/1%f/can live in brackish water, sewage, shellfish/

http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/dbmd/diseaseinfo/hansens_t.htm 640Ktotal 108cases in US/ India, Burma, Nepal 70%cases/1-2milproblemsw lep

http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/dpd/parasites/leishmania/factsht_leishmania.htm spread by sand flies 1.5 mi/yr cutaneous/.5 m il visceral/90%cases in India, Bang,Nep, Sud, Braz 3-12wks inc

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THE 366 GREATEST PROBLEMS IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

THE 366 GREATEST PROBLEMS IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

TO RICHARD A. GEPHARDT

STOP THE WAR IN IRAQ! by S. Wyler 3

THE CODE OF THE BEDOUIN

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